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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22436050">Four Hundred Forty Eight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pockybugi/pseuds/pockybugi'>pockybugi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Death, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Soulmates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 10:14:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>53,457</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22436050</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pockybugi/pseuds/pockybugi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Seo Youngho was many things.</p><p>A prince, a son of the most wealthy landowner, a college student, and an elementary teacher.</p><p>He lived through many lives, but his life really started when he met the servant, the head of the Royal Army, the college student, and the elementary teacher, Kim Dongyoung.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>199</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Johnny Fic Fest: Round One</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The End of the Beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Pairing: Johnny Suh x Kim Doyoung<br/>Prompt: #JS102</p><p>Hello, everyone! Welcome to my first ever work for a ficfest!</p><p>Please note the warning and tags I put for this work. It talks about multiple death scenes as the plot mainly revolves around the topic of reincarnation. So if you're someone who is not comfortable reading works with these themes, this fic is not for you. However, I've tried so hard to make it as light and as friendly as possible so everyone can enjoy reading it. </p><p>Despite it having a dark theme, I've added a lot of fun and humorous elements so it isn't actually 100% dark.</p><p>I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.</p><p>Enjoy reading!</p><p>-K</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Their Majesties The King And Queen of the Great Kingdom of Hanseong and the rest of the royal family are very please to announce that Her Majesty is expecting their first child.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It is a known fact to everyone that the king and queen’s first born male child brings luck to the Kingdom. He is the heir to the crown, the protector of their family name’s honor. And most importantly, he’s bound to follow the footsteps of his father and eventually become the King in the next few years, when he’s old enough to rule an entire empire.</p><p> The crown prince is a sign of prosperity, hope, wealth, health, and the overall economic and political success of a kingdom. That was what everyone got excited for when the palace announced the Queen’s pregnancy.</p><p>Even before the coming of the prince, the kingdom’s fortune teller would never leave the King's side as he would give constant updates on the birth of the one and only heir to the crown.<br/>
<br/>
It was a constant <em>"The prince will bring peace between the four kingdoms." </em>and <em>"He will live a successful life with his future spouse." </em>until one time, the sunlight that seemed to brighten up the whole kingdom from the news turned into a clouded sky that rumbles with lightning and thunder.<br/>
<br/>
"The crown prince will live a prosperous life if and <em>only</em> if," the old, trusted fortune teller of the whole kingdom had said and cleared his throat, "He will be able to come out from the Queen's womb on the 10th. The number signifies the first full moon of the year, the ideal time for any of the children of the higher class to be born in order to live a harmonious and successful life."<br/>
<br/>
The King glanced at the court lady beside him, his hard look enough for the lady to cower and bow in fear as she updated the King about the Queen's condition.</p><p>"The Queen has been in constant pain since the dawn, Your Majesty," the court lady informed. The King clenched and unclenched his hands, his mind running miles with the scenarios playing in his head. They've got about twelve more hours before the 10th of the month.<br/>
<br/>
"And what would my son suffer with if he can't make it in the 10th?" The King's voice wavered, eyes never leaving the old man bowing in front of him.<br/>
<br/>
"I wouldn't dare to speak any misfortunes that the crown prince may encounter-"<br/>
<br/>
"Speak now!" The King's voice boomed around the room, the council, the Lords, and even the royal guards outside flinched at his tone.<br/>
<br/>
"Your Majesty, the crown prince will suffer from a series of misfortune that not even me or the best shamans can stop. The only way for him to get out of such tribulation is to accept the fate given to him by the Goddess." The old man bowed even closer to the ground, his face almost printed on the floor as he cannot face the King for the revelation he just said.</p><p>“You want my son to surrender to the Goddess because you said so!? We cannot accept that fate!”</p><p><em>“Help may come eventually but the crown prince will have to suffer alone.”</em><em><br/>
</em><br/>
The King wanted the truth.<br/>
<br/>
The truth that the crown prince, the future king of the Kingdom, might not be able to live the comfortable life his parents wanted for him.<br/>
<br/>
The news about the new prince born two minutes before the 10th of the month on a half moon was passed around the palace.<br/>
<br/>
The royal family had then ignored the fortune teller's words, and now dubbed him as a fraud.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<em>His Royal Highness Crown Prince Youngho of the Great Kingdom of Hanseong. </em><br/>
<br/>
Despite being born on the 9th on a half moon, the young prince was nothing but intelligent and overall healthy. He was far from what the fortune teller had told the whole palace 24 years ago. He wasn't sickly, he wasn't under a threat made by the other kingdoms, he wasn't anything the old man had predicted.</p><p>He was as successful as his parents expected him to be even before he was born.<br/>
<br/>
He succeeds in everything he does, may it be in archery, horseback riding, dueling, finance, or even fooling his eunuch and sneaking out of the palace.<br/>
<br/>
It is never his intention to stress his eunuch as premature white hair won't look good on his rather young friend since he was 12 years old. He just feels suffocated to be prisoned inside the golden gates of the palace- to be in under the hundreds of eyes of people around him monitoring his every moves, hoping to find one fault in this supposed to be ill-fated prince.<br/>
<br/>
A walk around the city is what he needs, after all.<br/>
<br/>
<em>"This kid is seriously trying to get me killed!" </em><em><br/>
</em><br/>
The crown prince, Youngho, snickers from his spot behind the pillar leading to the king's concubine's part of the palace. A few royal guards saw him, attempts to announce his presence to the concubine and her son who are probably nearby, but Youngho quickly puts a finger over his lips.<br/>
<br/>
He can't afford to let anyone know of his plan to sneak out for the third time this week.<br/>
<br/>
The royal guards bowed, shutting their mouths as per the prince's request. When he sees his eunuch walking away from his spot, he takes it as a chance to run across the garden and past the guards guarding the exit.<br/>
<br/>
"Crown Prince Youngho! Come back here!" He sees his eunuch running behind him, waving what seems to be a scroll of whatever poetry he was supposed to learn that afternoon.<br/>
<br/>
"Moon Taeil, I promise to be back before the sun sets!" He screams back, a hand holding his hat in place as he disappears to the heart of the city. He’s thankful that Taeil is a slow runner and wouldn't dare to report the incident to the royal family.</p><p>Because doing so would also means he gets to be punished as well for not keeping an eye on the prince.</p><p><em>"Being your eunuch is a curse. I was put here to be your guide, not your babysitter!"</em> Moon Taeil, the third great grandson of the best eunuch the kingdom has ever had, had once screamed one day when Youngho almost gave him a heart attack for disappearing for almost a day.<br/>
<br/>
Youngho shakes his head, adjusts his hat and blends in with the crowd. It’s quite interesting for him that he can easily blend in with them and be another person that isn’t the prince, since none of the outsiders know what he looks like. The royal family is so particular about their identities that they had decided to reveal the future ruler’s face on the day of the crowning ceremony, the very day when the king would step down from his position and let his only heir rule.</p><p>Youngho is thankful, really, as he gets to study and mingle with his subordinates.<br/>
<br/>
His feet then brought him to the market, a place where he can freely study his people. The whole place seems to be in a very lively state as people from every class of the society fill every nook and cranny of the market. The children were running around with their toys as their parents call out their names, actors performing some drama about the royal family that doesn’t really bother him anymore, laborers and a drunk man wobbling his way to a store almost bumping into him as they carry sacks after sacks of crops, and the vendors were enthusiastically trying to entice the passers-by to buy their products.<br/>
<br/>
He stops in the middle of the crowd, taking in the sight he has grown accustomed to. The palace is dull and suffocating whereas the market screams the real life of his future subordinates. He loves being surrounded by his people, away from the King and Queen and his eunuch Moon Taeil's nagging.<br/>
<br/>
His eyes stop to look at a small store on his right with a young looking boy staring back at him with a mischievous smile. He raises an eyebrow to ask what the boy is looking at only to be motioned by the boy's finger to come closer. Youngho looks around to make sure he was the one being summoned, and quietly chuckles at the fact that the boy just called the crown prince to come over with the tip of his finger.<br/>
<br/>
This is what he really loves about blending in with the crowd- the fact that he can pretend to be someone other than from the royal family.</p><p>If it were the other members of the royal family, the young boy would be imprisoned and punished in a heartbeat.<br/>
<br/>
He moves closer, and closer, until he's face to face with a boy with a smile that makes his eyes look like crescent moons. "I believe you've summoned me to be here."<br/>
<br/>
"Oh, why yes, you look like someone who can afford my goods!" He smiles and then uncovers the products he's selling, revealing dozens of bracelets, rings, and necklaces of various colors. It was of low quality, a total opposite of what he’s used to see, but beautiful nonetheless.<br/>
<br/>
"It's dangerous to make such assumptions, young man," Youngho comments, his hands folding behind him.<br/>
<br/>
"With that expensive looking <em>jeogeori</em> and silk pants, I'm more than sure you can afford everything from my display," says the young boy with a huge, playful smile. He's brave enough to look at him up and down, studying the rather expensive clothes Youngho is wearing.</p><p>It wasn't that much, actually, as he's wearing a green <em>jeogeori</em> made by the best sewers in the kingdom, with a golden dragon embroidered in front of it. The hat he's wearing is even made of a different kind of material, gifted to him by the royal family from the east kingdom. The silk pants stood out from the crowd, clearly the kind that even the finest stores in market can't afford to buy and sell because it wasn't found anywhere but the royal store.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Okay</em>, probably his clothes were too much.</p><p><br/>
He'll make sure to ask Taeil for a new pair when he comes back just so he wouldn't catch anyone's attention like he's now.<br/>
<br/>
"Say, what do fine men like you do for a living?" The boy leans on the wood that contains his products, a rather curious look present on his face.<br/>
<br/>
"What do you think?"<br/>
<br/>
"You can't answer a question with a question, sir."<br/>
<br/>
"I just did. Now, what do you say is the best product you can offer to me?" Youngho walks closer to the display, hands still neatly folded behind him.<br/>
<br/>
The boy's face lights up at the question and stands straighter. "Oh! Here's a jade ring. Suitable for every fair young lady in the kingdom. I know you'd be able to have her hand in marriage if you give this jade to her." Youngho snorts.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Marriage</em>. As if.<br/>
<br/>
"What if I want to buy it for a boy, then? Is it still suitable for them?" He questions, a hint of playfulness present in his face and voice. The boy looks caught off guard and clears his throat.<br/>
<br/>
Even he surprised himself as that topic is something the palace isn't ready to talk about. Only Taeil knows about it, and he plans to make it stay like that.<br/>
<br/>
"I mean, it suits everyone, to be honest. You can buy this for your lady, or boy, or friend, or mother, I don't care. Just please buy this one," Youngho laughs. He nearly feels sorry for surprising the boy like that.<br/>
<br/>
"How much is this?"<br/>
<br/>
"It's cheap! It's as cheap as that one small sack of potatoes old lady Jung is selling!" The boy points at the product beside his small store. "If you buy this jade, you'd be able to make the <em>boy</em> you're courting say yes-"<br/>
<br/>
<em>Smack</em>.<br/>
<br/>
The young boy flinches and cries in pain when a small pouch of coins gets smacked across the back of his head. A man who looks around Youngho's age emerges from the back of the store who looks quite similar to the boy, fair-skinned despite the dirt covering his face, tall, and <em>beautiful</em>.<br/>
<br/>
Youngho clears his throat.<br/>
<br/>
"How many times have I told you to never talk to customers when you've got nothing else to do! You speak absolute nonsense causing us to lose another money! I also told you to wait for me after I unload the rest of the cart, didn't I?" The man reprimands, teeth gritting as he repeatedly smacks the boy's arms with the pouch. The two boys continue screaming at each other and he takes the opportunity to properly look at the man.<br/>
<br/>
Dirt was indeed all over his skin, his clothes and hair. He is obviously also a physical laborer, if the cuts and bruises on his hands and arms were any indication, in contrast to the young boy who looks rather clean with his dull white clothes and pants. But despite everything, he can still see the beauty that this man holds.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Breathtaking</em>.<br/>
<br/>
"I apologize for my brother's behavior, young master," the man repeatedly bows and pulls his brother's head down with him. "Jeno, you apologize!"<br/>
<br/>
"I didn't do anything!" He hears the boy, Jeno, hisses.<br/>
<br/>
"Your brother's right. He didn't say anything to offend me," Youngho reassures, a smile present on his face. The man looks up to him and bows once again. He then pushes Jeno out of the store, saying something like "take the rest of the carts with you" before sighing and regaining his composure.<br/>
<br/>
"I apologize once again for whatever nonsense my brother had said to you before I came here," he says with an apologetic, gummy smile. Youngho reciprocates the action and watches the man wiping the sweat (and dirt) off his forehead. "Is there anything from my product that caught your attention, young master?"<br/>
<br/>
"Young master." Youngho repeats which sounds foreign in his ears. It's his first time being called like with such title.<br/>
<br/>
"Yes, young master."<br/>
<br/>
"What gives you the assumption that I am a young master?" He questions rather playfully but the man seems to take it the wrong way. The man only widens his eyes as if he realized he somewhat offended the expensive looking man in front of him.<br/>
<br/>
<em>What if he's actually a master? Or a Lord? Or the son of the head of the Royal Guards? Or part of the royal family?</em><br/>
<br/>
The prince could practically hear the man's thoughts. "I apologize for offending you in any way, my Lord. I'm begging you to please punish me for being disrespectful!"<br/>
<br/>
The man nearly bangs his head on the wooden display as he gets down to his knees and bows even though the prince can't see him from his position <em>outside</em> the store.</p><p>“It is wrong of me to assume your status and call you young master when you’re obviously of the Lord status!” He exclaims, still bowing on the ground.<br/>
<br/>
"Such excessive apology is not needed. I promise you I'm in no way offended. Just call me Youngho, if you must."<br/>
<br/>
"Thank you for your mercy, Sir Youngho." The man stands up, not looking at his eyes.<br/>
<br/>
Youngho takes his eyes off the man and points at the jade ring Jeno first showed, hoping he could shift the topic since the man in front of him is starting to look uncomfortable. "Now, that jade ring. Believe me, your brother was able to entice me to buy it."<br/>
<br/>
"Oh, a pretty choice! This is one of the few popular jewelries people always look for in my store! It doesn't cost that much but its charm never fails to succeed."<br/>
<br/>
Youngho wasn't here to buy jewelry from a ragged store in the middle of the crowded market. He was supposed to roam around, and get absorbed by the reality of his kingdom but instead he's here, almost getting swayed by this vendor to buy the ring he absolutely doesn't need.<br/>
<br/>
But there's something about the man that stops him from refusing to buy it. It's probably the gummy smile that lightens up his dirt-stained face, or the way he looks at his products like he just birthed them, or probably his sweet voice that sounds like he could definitely sing a lullaby and put him into sleep.<br/>
<br/>
Youngho doesn't know and he's too tired to dig deeper.</p><p>“Sir Youngho,” the man starts, “I heard from my brother that you are courting <em>someone</em>. Do you perhaps need help with it? I can offer you my pieces of advice so you could get whoever you want with my jewelries.”</p><p>Youngho lets out a quiet laugh, strangely finding the man’s hesitation rather adorable. “I apologize for creating a misunderstanding. I am not courting someone. Your brother just made an assumption that I am and that the jade ring is perfect for my <em>lady</em>. I was just trying to make sure if its charm’s still going to be effective if I court a <em>boy</em>.”</p><p>It’s refreshing for Youngho to talk about something he’s only comfortable of sharing with Taeil. The topic is not as taboo as anyone thinks but as the  prince, the future ruler of the kingdom, he’s expected to marry a young lady, a princess from the nearby kingdom, or a daughter of an aristocrat, and produce an heir.</p><p>The concern about marriage and heirs were already brought up in multiple gatherings but Youngho is always quick to dodge the question. He’s still young, he reasons, there’s so much more to discover and explore in his kingdom!</p><p>The man smiles. “Oh, my jewelries have never failed to succeed, sir Youngho.”</p><p>He raises a finger to tell the man to give him a moment and then proceeds to feel around his pants, hoping the golden coin pouch Taeil had given him as a gift for his birthday would be there so he could purchase the jewelry. When he feels nothing but a crumpled page of the journal he had read earlier this morning in his pocket, he turns to the man and exhales.</p><p>“It seems like my coin pouch is not with me."<br/>
<br/>
The jade ring that was in front of him, carefully laid out by the man's stretched arms, is immediately hidden behind him with a wary look. He watches the man look at him through squinted eyes.</p><p>“I swear to the goddess that I had the pouch with me earlier,” the prince whispers mostly to himself.</p><p>"<em>Suspicious</em>."</p><p>Youngho couldn't hide the chuckle that escaped from his lips. Sure, he understands the man's wariness. He did ask for the details and its price but can't even purchase it because his coin pouch is missing.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Suspicious</em>, indeed.<br/>
<br/>
"I apologize for being an inconvenience. It was not my intention to take up much of your time for nothing," he slightly tips his upper body down, genuinely apologetic for being clumsy enough for forgetting to take the pouch that was sitting on his bed before he sneaked out.<br/>
<br/>
"It's all right, sir Youngho," the man says as he puts the ring back with the rest of the jewelries on the display. "Not everyone has good taste in jewelries."<br/>
<br/>
Youngho knows he wasn't supposed to hear the last statement since it was murmured under his breath. He raises a brow at the statement, seeing that the man just assumed he didn't buy the ring not because he doesn't have the money, but because it wasn't to his liking. Fascination was clear in the crown prince's eyes, moving closer and closer to the store (to the man), his torso making contact with the wooden display.<br/>
<br/>
"Believe me when I say I have the best eyes when it comes to looking for the best gems anyone could offer in this kingdom," he smiles at the man. It's true in a sense. The royal jewellers had entrusted him to pick the gems suitable for the throne they redesigned for the Seo Family's half a millennium years in service.<br/>
<br/>
He received nothing but praises at his exquisite taste. Even the Queen and the concubine said so.<br/>
<br/>
"Then your eyes aren't suitable for these jewelries. You can't look for anything here that can match your standards."<br/>
<br/>
The prince stares at the man, the latter's big, doe eyes staring back at him with curiosity.<br/>
<br/>
"I just did. I'm looking at that gem right now."<br/>
<br/>
The man's face was undoubtedly reddening like an overly ripe tomato after hearing the prince's bold statement. Even Youngho can't believe he just said that to someone he just met no longer than 15 minutes ago. Moon Taeil would definitely smack him with a scroll for breaking protocol if he was here.<br/>
<br/>
He knows he doesn't have much time to roam around the whole place if he wants to get back to the palace in one piece (before his eunuch can get a hold of him and beat him to a pulp) so with a slight tip of his body to the man in front of him, he smiles at him one more time and said, "It was nice to meet you..."<br/>
<br/>
"<em>Dongyoung</em>. Kim Dongyoung."<br/>
<br/>
"It was nice to meet you here, Dongyoung. I hope to see you next time. I'll make sure to bring my coin pouch with me."</p><p>“I’ll wait for you, then.”<br/>
<br/>
He had promised Taeil that this would be the last time he's going to sneak out of his quarters for the week. But seeing Dongyoung's eyes following his figure as he heads back to the part of the market closer to the secret entrance to the palace, he decides that sneaking out one more time tomorrow won't hurt anyone.<br/>
<br/>
Besides, promises were meant to be broken, right?<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
"I have to let you know that I can see you from up here, Moon Taeil," he glances at his side, his peripheral view noticing his eunuch trying to discreetly hide behind a tree but his hat and purple pants gave him away. Youngho’s standing by the cliff, dangerously close to the edge, but the scenery in front of him makes everything worth it.</p><p><br/>
"I apologize for following you here without your permission, Your Highness. I was instructed by the head eunuch to make sure you're safe," Moon Taeil moves away from the tree and drops to his knee to bow down and pay respect to the crown prince.<br/>
<br/>
"Moon Taeil, I've asked you a <em>million</em> times to call me Youngho when we're not around the elders," the prince sighs as he turns around to watch the older stand up and hesitantly looks up to him.</p><p>“It is not appropriate for someone from the lower rank to address you or any from the royal family with your first name, Your Highness. If The Majesties were to hear me, they’d have my head in a golden plate to be eaten by the Queen’s pet.”</p><p>“I said, when we’re not around the elders. And I consider you as my friend therefore, the rank you’re talking about is nonsense to me,” Youngho sighs and watches the older shake his head.<br/>
<br/>
"Fine. But if someone ever hears me calling you Youngho, whether or not by accident, I’m dragging you to the pits of the underworld with me," Taeil threatens as he crosses his arms with a disapproving look thrown into Youngho’s direction.</p><p>“That is if I won’t drag you there first,” Youngho counters and then rolls his eyes. “And you seriously thought you were slick enough to follow me here. I could literally see you following me. There’s a reason why you were trained to be an eunuch rather than a soldier, Taeil.”</p><p>“I really despise you, Seo Youngho.”</p><p>“If you weren’t my best friend, I would’ve slit your throat with my wooden waster.”</p><p>“But you wouldn’t.”</p><p>“Luckily.”</p><p>Taeil tips his hat at him with a smile. "I'll leave you and your thoughts for a while, Youngho. I'll be back so we can return to the palace together."<br/>
<br/>
And with that, his most favourite eunuch in the entire palace walks away until he disappeared into the forest back to the center of the city. He faces the scene in front of him again and inhales the fresh air that his body's been yearning to have since the last day he went out, which was a week ago.<br/>
<br/>
He stands near the edge of the cliff and looks down at the forest hundreds of feet below him. Finally, after a week of meetings with the council and royal officials about the existing drought in the whole kingdom, he now has the time to temporarily escape reality and just be one with nature.<br/>
<br/>
"Standing close to the cliff is dangerous, sir." A voice on his left breaks him out of his reverie. "Just a few days ago, someone jumped from this very spot and fortunately, or let's say <em>unfortunately</em> for him, he survived and only suffered from broken legs, ribs and arms."<br/>
<br/>
The prince squints his eyes, trying to see and make sure his eyes aren’t fooling him right now because right in front of him, standing a few meters away from his spot, is the very man who he can't stop thinking about since last week.<br/>
<br/>
"<em>You</em>." The prince swears he knows how to speak.<br/>
<br/>
"Oh, the young Lord!" The man  seems to recognize him as his eyes widen in amusement. "You're not trying to jump, are you?"<br/>
<br/>
"No, definitely not. And have I already told you to call me by my name? The title Lord sounds stranger," Youngho smiles.<br/>
<br/>
"Youngho, yes. Sir Youngho, I apologize for being disrespectful." The prince sighs. <em>Sir Youngho</em> will do.<br/>
<br/>
"No need to apologize,” Youngho faces the scenery in front again, his head becoming more peaceful than ever before, after seeing the man’s face.</p><p><em>Kim Dongyoung</em>.</p><p>It was a pity that he wasn’t able to meet with Dongyoung the day after their first meeting. He was able to sneak out of  the palace once again, with Taeil secretly threatening to report him to the Queen, but Dongyoung or his brother were nowhere to be seen in the ragged store. Instead, an old woman was there selling sweet potatoes and carrots.</p><p>He returned for the next two days only to find the same old woman in the store. He just wanted to see the man again, and maybe spend more time together, but good luck was unfortunately not on his side.</p><p>He glances back at Dongyoung and marvel at the sight in front of him. Now that he’s much closer to him, without the wooden display separating the two, he can now clearly see Dongyoung’s feature. He is tall, but not as tall as him, and his soiled robes are now replaced by a rather clean grey robe, matched with a white cloth wrapped around his foreead to keep his neatly tied long, black hair out of his eyes. The cuts and bruises on his arms are still present, but it’s not as bad as it looked last week.</p><p>Kim Dongyoung is still beautiful like how he remembered him to be.</p><p>“Not to be rude for asking you this but may I know what you’re doing here?” he hears Dongyoung asking from beside him, too close from him. He can even feel the cloth of Dongyoung’s robe touching his hands. “This has been my hideout for quite a while and no one except that man who jumped off the cliff knows about this.”</p><p>The prince doesn’t even know how his feet brought him here when he decided to take a stroll to nowhere in particular. “I don’t even know how I got here. Do you mind if I share this spot with you?”</p><p>“No, it’s even an honor to have you here,” he glances at Dongyoung and notices the small dimple near the corners of his mouth as he subtly smiles at nothing in particular. The prince’s eyes trace the smooth skin on the man’s face, free from dirt, his long nose, and sharp jawline that his hands itch to touch. The prince can’t understand how such beautiful creature exist in this world, as someone who has such beauty should be wearing a golden robe and pants, and be sprayed with the finest fragrance only the royal family can afford to buy and use.</p><p>The feeling of taking in Dongyoung back to the palace and bathe him in rose water and spoil him until he get’s tired of it spreads across the prince’s chest. He doesn’t quiet understand why he also suddenly feels like taking care of him.</p><p>“How’s the <em>gem</em> doing this fine afternoon?”</p><p>Dongyoung almost forgot how to properly breathe. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p><p>Youngho glances at him with a smile. “I thought we already established the fact that you are a gem? <em>My</em> gem?”</p><p>“We did?”</p><p>“Ah, I apologize for being unclear in the beginning. I called you a gem last week, as I should as you look as beautiful and expensive as the blue tourmaline I’ve seen that day, and I would like to know how you’re doing in this fine day?” Youngho honest to goddess doesn’t know where the boldness come from. But if he gets to see a flushed Kim Dongyoung trying to avoid his eyes, he wouldn’t hesitate to do it again and again.</p><p>“I would appreciate it if you stop saying things like that.”</p><p>Youngho’s smile falters. “Does it make you uncomfortable? I apologize, Dongyoung,” he bows and he can see Dongyoung his hands in panic.</p><p>“It’s not like that, I swear!” he starts before averting his eyes away from the prince, hoping he would get to change the topic. “I just don’t want to get used being called that. But everything’s fine. I’m fine. I was able to sold my jewelries in the nearby town, and I managed to help Jeno get his first job in a household,” Dongyoung smiles and tilts his head to the side, “What about you?”</p><p>“My father was being an old piss again but nothing unmanageable,” he answers vaguely and glances at the man. “I visited the store the day after our first meeting but you were nowhere to be found. I even brought my coin pouch to buy the jade ring.”</p><p>Dongyoung purses his lips and asks, “Only to buy the ring?”</p><p>“No. Mainly to see you again,” the prince’s chest warms at the beautiful sight of Dongyoung smiling, eyes looking at the forest below them.</p><p>“I apologize. I was not able to pay the rent for the store so the owner kicked us out and I went to the nearby town to sell it instead. I visited the market for a few times, hoping to see you again, but I guess our paths were not meant to cross each other last week.”</p><p>The prince hums. “But still meant to meet each other again nonetheless.”</p><p>“You are quite right. I’m glad to see you again, Sir Youngho.”</p><p>“I’m glad to see you too, Dongyoung.” The prince was about to spend time just staring at the man when his attention was immediately caught by something on Dongyoung’s neck.</p><p>“That scar,” Youngho points to the one on the other’s neck. “What happened to that?”</p><p>The man’s finger instantly flies to touch it. “Ah. Servants like me get these scars from our work.”</p><p>Youngho tilts his head, urging the man to continue. “And, it was my fault. I accidentally broke Young Lady Choi’s favourite set of tea cups a month ago. I was cleaning her room when her female servant quietly entered the room with the set so when she suddenly spoke, I got startled,  accidentally knocked over her servant and the set got dropped to the floor. I was immediately punished that night and got kicked out of the household.”</p><p>Youngho faces him completely, a frown now gracing his face. “Punished? What punishment?”</p><p>“I got the typical punishment. All I remembered that night was being punched on my stomach. Everything else was a blur, but I woke up with a broken rib, busted lips, a huge cut on my left eyebrow, and this huge slash on my neck.” The way Dongyoung narrates the whole thing sparks the anger bubbling inside Youngho. It was as if it was a very normal occurrence for him to get punished, like being punch to death was nothing but a normal thing for servants like him.</p><p>“Are you referring to the only daughter of the Choi Household?” Youngho faintly remembers the head of the Choi Household during one of the Palace’s monthly gathering of businessmen, Lords, Heads of rich households, and Royal Officials.</p><p>“I am. Do you know them?” Dongyoung sounds so innocent and the prince has the urge to keep the Choi’s in his agenda for the next month’s gathering. His fists balled unconsciously as he plans to teach the whole household a <em>lesson</em> for punishing his Dongyoung like that.</p><p>The crown prince isn’t one to use his power to get what he wants, but after hearing what Dongyoung just told him, being punished for accidentally knocking over a <em>godforsaken</em> tea cups, he wants nothing but forget the rules he set for himself and give <em>his</em> Dongyoung the justice he deserves.</p><p><em>His</em> Dongyoung. Youngho dismisses the thought.</p><p>“Something like that,” Youngho exhales. He watches Dongyoung walk towards the huge oak tree a good few meters from their previous spot, the tree where his eunuch hid earlier. He follows the man and both of them sat under the shade of the cool tree.</p><p>“Such punishments normally exist for people like us. The <em>servants</em>. My family has served many families for centuries which makes us the only household people get servants from. We were born to be this way, to serve people, to become who we are today,” Dongyoung closes his eyes as he rests his head on the trunk. “I’m working hard to break the tradition our ancestors put us into. I’m even trying hard to keep Jeno away from this line of work by training him to do labor, farming, or even delivering goods to households. While I on the other hand, am trying to give it a try in the jewelry business.”</p><p>“I’m sorry you have to go through all that.”</p><p>“It’s alright. It’s not your fault. Things are getting better now.” Dongyoung looks peaceful letting the wind brush the hair out of his eyes. “It’s not what I really dreamed of, but it’s absolutely the biggest step to achieve my goals.”</p><p>Not only is Dongyoung effortlessly beautiful on the outside, he also has a heart of gold who doesn’t deserve all the misfortune happening to his life. “You look like someone with a big dream.”</p><p>Dongyoung opens one eye to take a peek at him. “What does someone with a big dream even look like?”</p><p>“Someone like you. Radiating, full of hope, has a golden heart, <em>beautiful</em>.” The prince swears to all the Goddesses that the bitter swelling he’s feeling in his chest quickly disappeared when Dongyoung looks up to him through his long lashes with a subtle smile, his pinkish skin glowing under the afternoon glow.</p><p>“I just want to make the people I love live comfortably. And see them smile.” Dongyoung nods. “Yes, to see them smile and happy. That’s my absolute dream.”</p><p>“That’s a big dream, actually. Not everyone can make people happy.” Youngho twists his body to face the man, elbows bumping each other, so close that he could almost take a sniff of the faint vanilla scent lingering in the air.</p><p>This time, it’s Dongyoung staring at him directly in the eyes. It was the first proper moment for them to look each other in the eyes. It’s as if the slimmer man was studying him, his features, his overall being that still seems to be a mystery to him.</p><p>“I’m sorry for being too bold but you’re the most beautiful person I’ve seen in my entire life.”</p><p>The crown prince, for the first time in his life, finds himself speechless. He was taught by the greatest teachers how to answer dangerous political questions asked by the council and royal officials so as to avoid internal conflict, was taught how to make a decision when faced with an urgent situation on behalf of his father, was taught on what to say during the annual meeting of the rulers of the surrounding countries.</p><p>Taeil even taught him arts, poetry, numbers, everything there is to know to be an intellectual. But <em>this</em>. No one taught him how to respond when someone as beautiful as Kim Dongyoung, whom he met a week ago, tells him that he’s one.</p><p>
  <em>That he’s beautiful. </em>
</p><p>Youngho can’t believe he’s feeling breathless by a simple compliment by a man he just met.</p><p>“And I’m even more sorry for asking you this one big request but,” he watches Dongyoung’s eyes staring at his lips. He’s suddenly conscious at the attention his lips is getting, so he bits his bottom lip, absolutely clueless on what to do next. “Can I kiss you?”</p><p>The prince is even more speechless. His mind was screaming all the affirmatives but his body is still. He doesn’t know what to do. Should he say yes and wait for Dongyoung to lean in? Or should he initiate it?</p><p>It’s the question he immediately has an answer to.</p><p>And stupidly, without uttering any words, the crown prince nods his head as a reply.</p><p>Luckily for the crown prince, Dongyoung seems to get the internal conflict he’s having in his head as the latter tugs on the hem of his yellow robe, slowly pulling his body towards him. Their faces were inches away  from each other, lips testing the distance by brushing each other’s bottom lips.</p><p>And all at once, Youngho captures Dongyoung’s lips with his. Caging him in, breathing in the remaining vanilla scent his nose could smell. They are still, lips unmoving, as if standing in and observing an unfamiliar territory.</p><p>The prince feels a sudden boldness as he moves his lips against the <em>servant’s, </em>placing his own hand behind the latter’s neck to keep him in place while the other on his waist- and for them to find a much comfortable position.</p><p>Dongyoung tastes sweet and warm, reminding Youngho of the sweets Taeil gets him every after their study sessions. The soft lips were intoxicating, as if the prince can’t get enough of its taste.</p><p>He feels Dongyoung’s small hands holding into his arms, fisting the fabric while his lips work wonders. He feels warm all over his body and for a second, when he feels like his lungs aren’t getting enough oxygen from all the kissing, he pulled away with a soft suck on the smaller’s bottom lip.</p><p>“Yes, you can.”</p><p>Dongyoung lets out a soft laugh and steals a peck on the taller one’s soft, plump lips.</p><p>Dongyoung is simply beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful.</p><p><em>“Youngho? Are you still here? We need to go back now,” </em>the prince can hear Taeil’s faint voice calling for him nearby.</p><p>If there’s something his eunuch is extremely good at, except for poetry and arts, it’s getting on his nerves and ruining every good moments he’s ever had.</p><p>“That was my friend calling,” Youngho says and he retracts himself from Dongyoung so he could stand up and probably go their separate ways again.</p><p>“Before you go and leave me again, I’m going to gift you this jade ring. I know it’s not much and is of lower quality compared to what you usually get, but accept this as a sign of gratefulness for having to meet a person like you, Youngho,” Dongyoung takes the ring from his pocket and shoves it to the prince.</p><p>
  <em>“Youngho? Are you even there? Oh goddess! Youngho is missing! I should send the roy-“</em>
</p><p>“I’m on my way there, Moon Taeil! Just give me a second!” he yells from behind the tree and admires Dongyoung one last time. “Same time, same place. I can’t promise to meet you here again tomorrow but let this be our place. Let’s meet each other here again.”</p><p>The prince leans in to plant a kiss on Dongyoung’s lips once again. “Wait for me.”</p><p>“I’ll wait for you, Youngho.”</p><p>And he’s gone to where his eunuch is standing, a good few meters away from the two men. He was sure Taeil was far enough from them, but the widened eyes and accusing finger told him otherwise.</p><p>“You-“</p><p>“No questions, Moon Taeil. Lead the way before I cut off your tongue.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>9 days. </em>
</p><p>It’s been nine days since the last time he and Dongyoung saw each other. It’s not that they haven’t met after the first kiss they shared, in fact, they met multiple times a week after that. The cliff became their thing, meeting each other and talking about anything under the sun (except for the fact that Youngho is the crown prince of the kingdom).</p><p>They have an unspoken agreement to keep everything a secret and Youngho’s grateful enough that Dongyoung understands him and his unspoken request to not ask about his family or status any further.</p><p>The two of them can’t tell anyone, not even Dongyoung’s brother or friends but Youngho made an exemption for Taeil because his eunuch’s the only one who could help him meet his lover at the cliff. Same time, same place.</p><p>He sometimes feels sorry for putting his eunuch in such a tough situation, making excuses for him when he’s out too long.</p><p>
  <em>“The royal highness isn’t feeling well.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The royal highness requests to have a private walk in the Dowager’s garden.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The royal highness asked for everyone to leave the premise for he’s experiencing a severe headache.”</em>
</p><p>And when the physicians come running to the prince’s quarters because <em>oh goodness gracious! The royal highness is unwell! </em>Taeil would stammer out another excuse just so he could drive everyone out and wouldn’t see the empty bed of the prince in the middle.</p><p>Taeil and Youngho even almost got caught when Prince Jaehyun, his half-brother, went to the quarters to invite the other prince for their weekly sword fight and saw no one but Taeil <em>napping</em> inside.</p><p>“Prince Jaehyun! Prince Youngho went out for a walk in Queen Mira’s sunflower field!”</p><p>“Taeil, I came from the field not a moment ago. Youngho was nowhere to be found,” Prince Jaehyun says flatly.</p><p>It was impressive how Taeil still managed to spurt out another lie just to save the prince from trouble.</p><p>The prince swore to give Taeil’s younger brother a position inside the palace for being such a <em>lifesaver</em>.</p><p><em>“Youngho, I am a friend first before I am a eunuch.”</em> Taeil had once said.</p><p>It’s been nine days since the last time he and Dongyoung saw each other but it’s also been nine days since the council started this prolonged meeting about the drought the kingdom’s experiencing.</p><p>“Your majesty, the families in the east are starving as the crops that fed them aren’t growing. We need to do something to prevent a bigger problem from arriving!” someone from the council says.</p><p>“The drought has been punishing the farmers for months. The central have been delivering help for them but it’s still not enough,” another one from the back continues.</p><p>“Your majesty,” one of the officials sitting in front of Youngho bows to the king, “It has been reported to me that a lady and her child died due to starvation. It’s one of the few reports of deaths from the east.”</p><p>“How many reported deaths were there?” His half-brother who is sitting on the other side of the king, Prince Jaehyun, asks.</p><p>“More than thirteen, your highness.”</p><p>Youngho looks at his father from his throne on the left and the latter spoke. “Myeongbok, what do you say is the reason why the drought is happening? We’ve done all the necessary rituals every year. What more did the goddess want and how we do solve this drought?”</p><p>The council was quiet as they wait for the old shaman to say the answer.</p><p>“A human sacrifice,” the shaman says from his spot beside the general. “The goddess was unsatisfied by the rituals the kingdom’s been practicing. The pig blood and the dozen of sheep aren’t enough for her. She wants more. She wants a <em>human</em>, your majesty.”</p><p>Whispers broke out. The room is noisy, a mix of protest at the ridiculous request and agreements that a change must happen in order for the problem to completely stop. The king looks like he’s in deep thought so Youngho asks, “What human is she looking for?”</p><p>“The goddess doesn’t discriminate. She wants anyone as long as it’s human, your royal highness,” the shaman bows.</p><p>“The life of every people in Hanseong is precious. Such request contradicts with our mission to protect every living being that inhabits our kingdom. We should not easily give up on what the goddess wants and decide to sacrifice a human on a whim.”</p><p>“But your royal highness, isn’t what you want contradicts with our mission, too? If we don’t offer one life, dozens of innocent lives would be sacrificed, all because we didn’t follow what the goddess want,” the shaman replies, head still almost planted on the floor as a sign of respect. The court room breaks out into another argument, the officials fighting back and forth on what the royal heads should do to solve the problems.</p><p>“How about we sacrifice those who don’t deserve to live?” Prince Jaehyun asks, fingers carefully tracing the intricate design of the armrest of the throne he’s sitting on.  </p><p>“I’m afraid I do not get what you mean, your royal highness,” Myeongbok replies.</p><p>“The prisoners. The criminals. Those who do not deserve a second chance.”</p><p>It’s another crucial time for the palace once again. One wrong move could harm the rest of their subordinates. The prince goes silent, his mind running in a mile while trying to assess the situation.</p><p>Who are they going to sacrifice for the ritual?</p><p>The court room talked, and talked, and talked. Youngho’s head is spinning from staying inside the room for more than two hours without a break. Even Moon Taeil who’s standing below the platform the royal family is sitting on can be seen secretly yawning behind his robes, eyes watering from the boredom and sleepiness.</p><p>“Lord Lee, look into the profiles of the possible candidates for the ritual. They should come from our prisons as suggested by Prince Jaehyun. Report to me the list by next week and by then, the offering would be performed by Shaman Myeongbok,” the King raises his hands and tips his head, “For now, the session will be put to an end. Everyone is dismissed.”</p><p>Despite the dismissal of the King, the royal officials stay rooted to their spot while they talk to each other. The exchange of opinions and solutions were only put to an end when they heard a voice outside apologizing for interrupting the gathering and announcing the request of the head lady of the Choi household for the council to attend to her concern.</p><p><em>Rude</em>, but the prince sighs in relief for he can now go back to his quarter and stretch the aches away from his back.</p><p>“It is I, Lady Deoksoon of the Choi Family, urgently asking  the council’s help to punish the criminals who robbed my daughter at the market a moment ago. The offenders were immediately captured by my people and I am here to ask for your assistance to help me punish the wrongdoers,” an old lady says when the doors opened. Her servants are standing behind her along with who seem to be their guards.</p><p>The Choi Family is one of the most influential families in the whole kingdom. They almost always get what they want so it’s safe to assume that whatever punishment she might like to give to the criminals will be followed.</p><p>Everyone is walking towards the grounds to see what the commotion was all about but Youngho couldn’t be bothered anymore.</p><p>When the king nods his head to the old lady, the royal guards (about five of them) pulls two figures with them into the grounds. All the criminals’ hands were tied together behind their backs, the thick rope painfully digging into their skin that Youngho can see blood dripping from where it is tied around when one of them turn to their side.</p><p>The guards continue to drag the almost lifeless bodies further and pushes them hard, scraping their knees and collapsing to the ground, when the king raises his hand.</p><p>The crown prince sighs. He wants to escape once again and let the officials deal with Lady Choi.</p><p>He should head back to his quarters because his head is pounding harder and the sight of blood is making him dizzy.</p><p>“Taeil, prepare the baths and the lavender essence. I’d like to relax-“ He stops when he sees Taeil staring hardly at something, his body freezing on his spot as if the ghost of his grandmother appeared in front of him.</p><p>“Your royal highness, I greatly apologize for being extremely rude but I think your presence here is much needed than in your quarters. I believe this is something you would like to get involved in.”</p><p>Youngho sighs without another thought.</p><p>His eunuch is right. He should be there and watch how they usually deal with the old lady who acts like she’s part of the royal family just because she is rich and is cousins with the King’s financial advisor.</p><p>He ignores the tensed figure of his eunuch and heads to stand beside the King, feeling defeated.</p><p>He couldn’t catch up to whatever they were talking about and only watches the guards repeatedly kicking, and punching, and hitting the back of the criminals’ head with their hilt.</p><p>“Speak! How much did you steal from the young lady’s pouch!?” A guard screams and grabs the hair of the man on the right, revealing his face that was covered with dried blood.</p><p>That <em>face</em>.</p><p>Youngho feels his body going cold at the sight of the almost lifeless man in front of him. His hands start to uncontrollably shake.</p><p>
  <em>No, it can’t be.</em>
</p><p>“I said I didn’t steal anything!” he spits but he gets kicked in the face instead.</p><p>The voice, even through the pain and anger he hears in that voice, he knows who it’s from. Youngho spent days listening to it through poetries and lullabies. There’s no way it was his Kim Dongyoung getting beaten up to a pulp right in front of him.</p><p>“I didn’t steal anything! I was wrongly accused!”</p><p>“Liar!” Lady Choi screams and a guard pulls the man up by his hair while the other threw a punch to his side.</p><p>“Let the man speak!” Youngho orders with venom in his voice. His blooding is boiling from anger, disappointment, and <em>embarrassment</em> because he’s watching his <em>lover</em> being accused of something he’s sure Dongyoung can’t and wouldn’t do.</p><p>“Prince Youngho, a criminal like him doesn’t deserve to be heard. He needs to get punished.” Youngho stops the urge to punch his half-brother instead. The king on the other hand watches the exchange, as if giving his sons the full consent to solve whatever Lady Choi’s problem is.</p><p>Dongyoung then looks up to him from his position, eyes blurred by tears streaming down his face. “Your Highness! Please believe me! I didn’t steal the pouch! I would never in my life do that!”</p><p>“If the man won’t admit to his fault, we will punish his brother on his behalf,” Prince Jaehyun announces.</p><p>“No! Please! Don’t touch Jeno! You can punch me, cut my hands off or even kill me! Just don’t touch Jeno! He didn’t do anything!”</p><p>It was then he noticed the figure of the younger boy slouched beside the accused. Jeno’s cries can be heard by everyone as he gets dragged by another guard towards the prison. Dongyoung struggles in the hands of the guard keeping him in place as he attempted to run to his brother’s aid.</p><p>“Please don’t touch him! I’m begging you!”</p><p>“Enough of this ridiculousness!” Youngho exclaims. The guards stopped dragging Jeno while Dongyoung continues to cry on the ground. “No one is getting punished tonight. We will run an investigation to fairly point out who actually stole Lady Choi’s coin pouch.”</p><p>Youngho is seething from anger. The sight of Dongyoung almost <em>dying</em> on the ground sends a tight punch in his guts.</p><p>“If the investigation says you wrongly accused these men, I will not hesitate to behead every single one of you here.”</p><p>“But Prince Youngho-“</p><p>“Bring the men at the back right in this instance. They will stay here until the investigation is done.”</p><p>He wants to run to Dongyoung and hug him, but he can’t. Not now. Not when he’s in front everyone as the Crown Prince Youngho of the Kingdom of Hanseong. He can feel Dongyoung’s eyes looking at him but he looks away when they get pulled to where they were supposed to stay.</p><p>“Everyone is dismissed as per the King’s request. The investigation will start shortly,” Prince Jaehyun says.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Youngho, I’ll take care of Kim Dongyoung on your behalf,” Moon Taeil bows when they were both back inside the prince’s quarters.</p><p>The prince finds himself sneaking out of his quarters one night. After the stunt Lady Choi pulled, he’s nothing but always on edge knowing that Jeno and <em>his</em> Dongyoung is probably starving in their cells. He had requested Taeil to send the two of them food but he’s yet to check their conditions.</p><p>Youngho unlocks the dark cell and sits beside the weak figure by the corner, the defeaning silence lingering around the place.</p><p>Youngho isn’t sure how Moon Taeil managed to clear the whole place, but he’s extremely grateful for the whole thing.</p><p>“You are a prince,” was the first thing Dongyoung says, hands on his lap as his eyes stare at the prince’s figure.</p><p>“That I am,” Youngho says, head tilting to get a clearer look on Dongyoung’s face, with his right hand brushing the hair out of the latter’s eyes. “I’m sorry for not being truthful. I was just protecting the both of us.”</p><p>“You are Prince Youngho, the heir to the throne,” Dongyoung continues, but it’s mostly him speaking all his realizations.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Dongyoung. I’m sorry I didn’t do anything yesterday.”</p><p>“Do you think this will work?”</p><p>“What will work?”</p><p>“Us. You being the crown prince with me as a prisoner.”</p><p>“We can make this work. I promise you that. And I’m sorry for putting you in this situation. This is my fault-“</p><p>Dongyoung grabs his hand and smiles. “Youngho, it’s fine. In fact, you saved Jeno and I’s lives. If it weren’t for you, we would’ve been headless by now,” Dongyoung manages to say with a hint of humour.</p><p>Youngho wants to weep when Dongyoung still managed to joke around. He’s surprised he wasn’t mad or getting crazy for making him look like a fool.</p><p>“Aren’t you angry at me for hiding a secret? For not telling you that I’m a prince?”</p><p>“Honestly? No. I’m not angry.”</p><p>“Not even one bit? I deserve to get beaten up for keeping a huge secret from you.”</p><p>Dongyoung looks at him, an arm now wrapped around his knees. “Youngho, I like you enough to forgive you even before you apologize.”</p><p>The prince carefully pulls Dongyoung’s head and rest it on his shoulder. “I like you too, my love. Please remember that.”</p><p>Dongyoung reaches out for this left hand and gives it a light squeeze. “I didn’t do it. I could never do it, Youngho. Please believe me.”</p><p>“I believe you, Dongyoung. I believe you.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Prince Youngho slaps the tea cup away from him offered by the court lady on his right when he heard what his half-brother suggested in one of their usual council meeting. The officials below the platform flinched at the sound of the cup hitting the ground and the yelp of the court lady.</p><p>“I apologize, your royal highness!” the lady cries as she drops to her knees but the prince pays her no heed.</p><p>“<em>Prince Jaehyun</em>, I believe what you said doesn’t make any sense,” he says through gritted teeth, “What do you mean by<em> ‘push through with the ritual’ </em>while I’m away?”</p><p>Prince Jaehyun glances at him from his spot, eyebrow jerking at the other prince subtly and squares his shoulders to recompose himself. “I’ve consulted Shaman Myeongbok about the whole process and the goddess wants only <em>one</em> representative from the royal family for the ritual and pray to her.”</p><p>The older prince is about to argue when Prince Jaehyun continues, “The king is not feeling well as of this moment, and it is already known by the whole palace that you are scheduled to attend a drill with the army on the boarders for three days starting tomorrow.” Youngho definitely does <em>not</em> like where the conversation is going and as much as he wants to lunge at his <em>half</em>-brother, he still have to mind the eyes of the officials eyeing him from his sudden outburst. “And as your <em>brother</em>, I am very much willing to administer the ritual with Shaman Myeongbok on behalf of your royal highness Prince Youngho and King Taejo .”</p><p>Prince Youngho doesn’t understand why his heart is palpitating, his whole body slowly going cold at the other prince’s explanation. If it weren’t for such unspecified feeling, he would’ve been thankful for Jaehyun’s initiative. But right now, when it was the younger prince who suggested they sacrifice one prisoner knowing that his lover Kim Dongyoung is one of the possible candidates, he feel’s extremely uneasy and afraid that his nightmares would come true.</p><p>Knowing his half-brother, he knows that the younger has something up his sleeves.</p><p>Youngho exhales. “Lord Lee, I would like to know who the best candidate for the ritual is.” The said lord rises from his seat and bows.</p><p>“Your royal highness, after the consultation I had with Shaman Inhyuk, it has come to my conclusion that the prisoner from the east, Chae Hyungwon, is the best candidate as he doesn’t only look pure for the goddess, he also comes from a family of farmers. The goddess will definitely like him.”</p><p>The prince stops the urge to collapse from joy when he doesn’t hear Dongyoung’s name.</p><p>“I appreciate the information, Lord Lee.”</p><p>“As per the King’s request, we will still have to think who the final candidate will be but I can assure everyone that Chae Hyungwon will be the priority,” Prince Jaehyun announces.</p><p>The prisoner might be the priority but Youngho suddenly feels something that made him want to cancel the drill and make sure his Dongyoung is safe from the ritual. The decision is still not final, so the temporary joy might be cut short.</p><p>When the meeting ended and the two princes were already in the garden where they usually split up to go to their respective quarters, Prince Jaehyun stops from his spot and is followed by Prince Youngho.</p><p>“I do not know what you are protecting from this whole ordeal Prince Youngho, but I can assure you that I will do nothing but the best for our Kingdom. I won’t ever disappoint you, brother.”</p><p>
  <em>You already disappoint me in many ways, Jaehyun. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Later that night, he finds himself in Dongyoung’s cell yet again. The latter is getting thinner and paler, and the prince fears it might be from starvation or torture, but Taeil had assure him that Dongyoung stays in his cell all day and eats his food. It is probably because of the fact that his only joy and freedom have been sucked out of him by the palace.</p><p>He wastes no time and tells Dongyoung about his upcoming drill starting tomorrow. The prince won’t be here for two days and two nights to visit him at night and make sure he’s getting enough rest, food, and affection.</p><p>“Do you really have to go?” Dongyoung asks, his head comfortably resting on Youngho’s lap. He closes his eyes when the older runs his fingers through the former’s dry hair.</p><p>“I have to, my love. The king is still not feeling well and the drill needs the assistance of an official royalty- the king, a princess or a prince. Basically anyone that has the authority to direct the whole army in case there will be an unforeseen attack in the borders that might lead to a war,” Youngho explains, his hand playing with Dongyoung’s hair while the other his resting on the latter’s chest.</p><p>“Jaehyun may be a prince but he’s the son of a concubine so he’s definitely not qualified. So that only means I am the only royalty that is qualified <em>and</em> available,” he continues.</p><p>Dongyoung sighs, a pout barely noticeable present on his face. “I will miss you.”</p><p>“I will miss you, too. But it’s just for a few days.”</p><p>“You’ll come back to me again, right?” Youngho’s chest aches for a reason.</p><p>“Dongyoung, I’ll be back the second the drill is over. I’ll go wherever you are, and this time, I will make sure you’d get out of here.”</p><p>The man smiles. “Do you definitely promise to come back to me?”</p><p>“Definitely,” Youngho holds Dongyoung’s hands. “I promise you that.”</p><p>A promise was indeed made that night.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His teachers, even his eunuch Moon Taeil, had taught him how to contain his emotions in whatever circumstances he’s in. May it be the sudden death of a family member, the king’s order to find him another concubine, a sudden arranged marriage with the neighboring kingdom if it deemed fit for the two’s peace and harmony, or the declaration of war by the south kingdom.</p><p>He was taught how to be calm and composed, to seek for further information so he could make a conclusion or solution, and make an appropriate action afterwards. He was taught these simple steps to help him become the future ruler who doesn’t let his feelings get in the way.</p><p>It’s relatively easy, really.</p><p>But no one taught him how to react to <em>this</em>.</p><p>He may have learned how to properly act like a royalty, like a prince- or like how he’s expected to act as the future ruler of the kingdom. He had learned everything there is to know on how to be the type of ruler everyone would be comfortable to praise.</p><p> </p><p>When Donghyuck, Moon Taeil’s younger brother, came running into where the prince and the whole army are resting in the borders to inform him that Kim Dongyoung has been taken by the royal guards for the ritual, Youngho jumps up from his place and immediately heads to where his Dongyoung is.</p><p><em>Kim Dongyoung. Ritual. Mountain. Goddess</em>. Those were enough to send Youngho’s world spinning. The breath was knocked out of his lungs, and he nearly collapsed while on his way to the mountain where the ritual is happening.</p><p>He doesn’t know what the process for the human sacrifice is but he’s hoping Kim Dongyoung is still alive.</p><p>
  <strong> <em> <b>Fuck. </b> </em> </strong>
</p><p><strong> <em> <b>“</b> </em> </strong> <em>Your Royal Highness Crown Prince Youngho. My brother sent me to inform you that Kim Dongyoung has been chosen for the ritual.”</em></p><p>He feels angry, agitated, sorrowful, disappointed. He wants to run his sword down Jaehyun’s throat, or have both his feet tied together and get dragged by a horse, or have him killed by his own hands. He wants to run to where Dongyoung is, to immediately bring his body to where he is in just a snap of his finger. He wants to rescue him. He wants to make him feel safe after numerous hardships he’d suffered in this lifetime.</p><p>
  <em>“Prince Jaehyun had announced earlier this morning that the performing of the ritual will happen today.” </em>
</p><p>He knows his half-brother’s behind this whole thing. <em>Chae Hyungwon, </em>he wants to fucking laugh.</p><p>The soldiers who were with him were caught off guard by the prince’s sudden outburst that it took them a few realizations before they took their horses and followed the prince. But unfortunately for them, the prince was too quick, like he was trying to catch a deadline, and they lost sight of him.</p><p>
  <em>“The ritual will still happen at the mountain of the Goddess.”</em>
</p><p>Fortunately for Youngho, even through his heavy breathing and blurry vision due to the tears streaming down his face, he still manages to get the correct direction.</p><p>It took him an hour, <em>or an hour and a half</em>, before he jumps off from his horse and runs his way to the location Donghyuck described earlier.</p><p><em>“Tenth oak tree from the second row. He’s tied into it with a golden robe facing the west, where the sun sets.” </em>Donghyuck had described.</p><p>Youngho wastes no time and counts the trees starting from where he is.</p><p>
  <em>First, second...sixth, seventh...ninth, tenth!</em>
</p><p>He grabs his sword and cuts through the thick golden ropes wrapped around Dongyoung in a heartbeat.</p><p>The man drops to the ground when he’s free from the thick, golden rope that was wrapped tightly around his whole body like some type of knots the soldiers learn when handling <em>hostages</em>. The marks are visible from his fair, clean skin and will undoubtedly leave bruises on the next day.</p><p>Dongyoung is dressed in a golden robe with a labyrinthine pattern of what seemed like a cobra made out of ruby red thread. His long black hair, which was usually tied in a know with a dirty cloth wrapped around his forehead, was left to fall on his back.</p><p>The man even smelled like lavender with a mix of citrusy scent. He was obviously pampered for the ritual and Youngho’s blood boiled even more.</p><p>“Prince Youngho,” Dongyoung calls weakly when he falls in the prince’s arms.</p><p>“Dongyoung, it’s me. I came to save you from this,” He cradles his weak body and looks around to spot anyone from the palace that could be lurking around to guard Dongyoung. The coast is clear, apparently, and he takes the chance to examine the servant.</p><p>“Did they harm you while I’m away? Did they hurt you? I’m sorry I had to leave you and couldn’t protect you from my brother,” he kisses his temples.</p><p>“I was scared. I’m scared. They told me I was going to be the human sacrifice before taking Jeno away from me. I don’t know where my brother is. I don’t know where they took him. I’m going to die today or tomorrow or until the day my body will give up. And my brother’s going to be alone. I won’t be able to save him from your palace-“</p><p>“Dongyoung, listen, no one is going to die today, or tomorrow. I won’t let anyone do that to you,” he grabs the smaller man’s face and stares at him with earnest eyes. “I will get you out of here.”</p><p>The servant nods his head and both of them stood up from the ground. Youngho isn’t sure how he will explain it to the palace, on why he has Dongyoung back in his quarters, but none of that matters when the latter is currently shaking from fear, confusion, and mostly exhaustion from the mental and physical torture he’s experiencing.</p><p>All he has in mind right now is to keep Dongyoung safe.</p><p>He feels the man’s knees wobble and he clutches at his arms to steady him. Youngho’s head snaps to his left when he hears footsteps coming towards their direction. Dongyoung grips Youngho’s arm in fear, and the prince quickly hides the man on his back and holds on to his sword for dear life.</p><p>“I-I think they are your soldiers,” the man whispers. “I h-heard Prince Jaehyun telling them to guard the place after a few hours of leaving me alone for the goddess to see me.”</p><p>Youngho spins around to hold Dongyoung’s hands. “Dongyoung, I want you to listen to me and my orders this time. Go to the nearest river and wait by the bank across the tule tree. Hide somewhere while I deal with this here.”</p><p>“Prince Youngho, no, I won’t leave without you. We have to go back together and I-“</p><p>“It’s more safe for you to wait by the river. I have to deal with this alone or else they’ll take you away from me again,” he kisses Dongyoung on the lips and slightly pushes him away to the river’s direction. “I promise to go to you and we’ll go back together.”</p><p>With one last stare at each other’s eyes, there’s a shift in the servants eyes before he nods and runs off to the river’s direction.</p><p>The anger bubbling inside the prince’s body resurfaces as the familiar faces of the kingdom’s soldiers come into view. There are approximately ten of them, all cautiously moving forward on their horses.</p><p>“Who dared to tie Dongyoung into that tree?” he starts.</p><p>“Prince Youngho-“</p><p>“Who among you here took him here and tie him to that tree!?” he can’t stop himself from screaming, chest heaving in and out like a madman. “You dared to push through with the ritual without my approval. You dared to lay a finger on Kim Dongyoung!”</p><p>A soldier on his left answers, “With all due respect Your royal highness, we have come to an agreement to continue without your presence. It is only right to do this as soon as possible so-“</p><p>“How dare you! All of you! Don’t you ever touch Dongyoung. After I know who took him here and tied him to that tree like an animal, I won’t hesitate to behead every single one of you and your family!” he exclaims, his free hand clenched into a fist that shakes in anger. He knows he’s spurting nonsense but his judgment is clouded by anger.</p><p>Another soldier moves forward.  “But your royal highness, more people will die from the drought. More people were reportedly dying because of it.”</p><p>“Prince Jaehyun’s order to specifically choose Kim Dongyoung among the candidates were immediately approved by everyone in the council. Now that the ritual is interrupted, the only way for the goddess to accept the offering is to kill the human with a sword within the next 3 days.” Another one continues.</p><p>Prince Youngho’s head is spinning, chest tightening in an alarming way that makes him want to just lash out and curse his half-brother and the goddess for everything that is happening.</p><p>He can’t be selfish since he’s the crown prince, the one who’s bound to save the people, but he knows there’s another solution for this.</p><p>He knows he won’t let anyone take Kim Dongyoung away from him.</p><p>“I’m ordering everyone to go back and inform the palace that the ritual will be put on hold until further notice,” he clutches the sword and watches everyone hesitantly leaving before running off to where he instructed Dongyoung to hide.</p><p>The order might be against what the council has approved, but a prince is a prince. The prince’s order is more important than that of the council or Prince Jaehyun.</p><p>He wastes no time in running like his life depends on it. Dongyoung is waiting for him- tired, scared, hungry, traumatised. His heart is pounding so hard he feels he might collapse any minute from now. But he has to stop his body from feeling week, not now that a sword is waiting to be planted in Dongyoung’s body anytime soon by his people.</p><p>When he arrived, he can see the servant’s figure crouching by the foot of the tule tree, a hand resting on the ground to keep him stable while the other is clutching onto something. He has his back on the prince, and what the latter failed to notice at first glance was the sword stabbed through his stomach.</p><p>The prince notices the pool of blood on the ground and he feels all the living daylights leave his body.</p><p>“Dongyoung!” he’s careful not move Dongyoung’s body that much as he stares at the tip of the <em>royal</em> sword peeking through his back.</p><p>“P-prince Jaehyun...”</p><p>That bastard. That Jung Jaehyun bastard!</p><p>The other prince knew about the other way to finish the ritual. <em>Of course, he did!</em></p><p>He outsmarted Youngho, and the thought of his <em>goddamned</em> half-brother pushing the sword all the way into his weak, defenseless body has Youngho shaking in pain, anger, and most importantly guilt.</p><p>
  <em>Guilt for leaving him alone in this goddamned forest. </em>
</p><p>Youngho is shaking. He can still save the servant. If he can just carry him back to the palace, he can still save Dongyoung’s life.</p><p>“...P-prince Jaehyun just-“ he coughs up blood and his body falls forward and into Youngho’s arms.</p><p>
  <em>No. No, Kim Dongyoung please.</em>
</p><p>“No, Dongyoung. Look at me. Keep your eyes open, stare at me and never let your eyes close,” Youngho cradles his body. “Dongyoung, listen please. Don’t close your eyes.”</p><p>Dongyoung’s lips pales, his body writhing in pain with every small move he makes while staring up at Prince Youngho’s figure.</p><p>Dongyoung’s frail fingers touched his cheeks, caressing it like it is the last thing he would be able to touch in this lifetime. The prince feels his chest explode from all the pain he’s feeling.</p><p>
  <em>No, he can’t leave me. Not like this. </em>
</p><p>“Prince Youngho, thank you for showing up in my life. I wouldn’t be able to feel this kind of happiness if it weren’t for you. Thank you.”</p><p>“No, Dongyoung, you are not allowed to talk like that. We are going back to the palace and I’ll punish-“</p><p>“Your royal highness, the ritual is a success. Your people will thank you for this.”</p><p>“Kim Dongyoung, stop talking like this is your final time. This isn’t. We’re going back to the palace.”</p><p>“Be a good prince, Youngho. I’m sorry and thank you.”</p><p>Prince Youngho cries, and cries, and cries.</p><p>The lifeless body of the once lively, smart-mouthed servant against his own. Everything is too sudden. He barely had time to completely show Dongyoung how thankful he is to have him in his life, to turn his once stagnant life upside down.</p><p>Everything is too sudden. He was not able to tell Dongyoung how much he <em>loves</em> him.</p><p>He still wanted to spend all his time with Kim Dongyoung. But it seemed like the universe, or perhaps the goddess, wants him to suffer.</p><p>Youngho stares at the gray sky above him, eyes looking everywhere as if trying to look for the goddess that put him and Dongyoung in this state.</p><p><em>“Is this what you want!? He’s already gone! What more do you want now!?” </em>Youngho screams, expecting an answer but got nothing in return. Instead, he hears footsteps coming to their direction. But it wasn’t coming from one direction, it’s everywhere.</p><p>His left, right, then hears it coming from behind him. Youngho holds Dongyoung’s body closer to him and the footsteps stop into a halt.</p><p><em>“Is he dead yet?”</em> Prince Youngho hears someone sitting on a branch from the nearby tree say.</p><p><em>“Ten, what the </em>hell<em>,” </em>someone answers from the opposite side, actions similar to the first one. He can’t quite figure out what the two look like as his eyes are still blurring from all the tears.</p><p>“Who are you!?” the prince asks.</p><p>“I apologize for being insensitive,” the first one apologizes but he knows it wasn’t meant for him.</p><p>“What are you two doing here? Who sent you here!?” he continues. The two disappear from the tree and the next thing he notices is them hovering over him. Despite the close distance between him and the two men, he still couldn’t make out their faces, as if his eyes were intentionally blurring the figures.</p><p>“<em>Kun</em>, I think it’s time to do it.”</p><p>“It’s up to you, <em>Ten</em>.”</p><p>“What are you two trying to do-“</p><p>Youngho feels a warm hand on his head, like how a monk would do when someone asks for his guidance. He wants to move away his head away from the hand, but it was impossible to do so. It’s as if he’s charmed to stay glued on his spot, body unmoving with only his mind screaming nonsense.</p><p>
  <em>What is happening?</em>
</p><p>“Your Royal Highness Crown Prince Seo Youngho of the Kingdom of Hanseong managed to offend the Goddess because of his actions,” the voice (Ten’s, he recognized), answers. “I would’ve told you more about this but you’re running out of time.”</p><p>
  <em>Youngho’s running out of time. </em>
</p><p>“We’re really sorry, your royal highness. But I hope you appreciate this special <em>gift</em> given to you by the goddess,” the other voice says.</p><p>He feels something warm enveloping his whole being with his eyes involuntarily closing from its sensation. It’s as if his body is on fire, like someone lit him up and burn his insides.</p><p>The last thing the prince remembered was the words of Dongyoung playing inside his said over and over again.</p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry and thank you. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What do you think about the first chapter?</p><p>Let me know before you proceed to the next one!</p><p>Please leave kudos, comments, and bookmarks!</p><p>here's my ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/wnwtl</p><p>any help is much appreciates🥺 thank you guys🥰</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Inconspicuous</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“...but your royal highness, the north would need more supply if the demand increases to a new scale...”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“...the farmers are asking for compensation...”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“...Lord Hwang volunteers to watch over the farms in the north...”</em>
</p><p>Youngho feels himself jolt from the pain he suddenly feels from his chest. He opens his eyes, blinks, and scans his surroundings with his brows knitted together, feeling like he just woke up from the longest sleep he’s ever had. Everything is blurry, suddenly feeling like a huge weight was put on his chest, causing him to breathe heavily.</p><p>He is in what looks like a council room, similar to the one he has back in the palace, with the royal officials arranged in rows behind him. The scene looks quite familiar to the prince, yet the spot he’s taking on the wooden floor with the officials, instead of that in the platform, is unnerving. He takes a glance on the figure sitting on the golden throne in front of him, eyes finally adjusting to the new environment he’s in, and tilts his head in confusion as another figure occupies the seat that was meant for him to sit on.</p><p>He feels a finger digging on his back, as if discreetly trying to catch his attention.</p><p>“Are you alright, Lord Youngho? You look unwell.” He looks at the person behind him and saw his <em>eunuch</em> Moon Taeil leaning in so he could whisper in his ear. “We can ask the prince to excuse you from the meeting so I could escort you back to your room.”</p><p>Youngho is silent. His breathing slowly evens but his heart is still recovering from the sudden jolt he felt earlier. He’s confused, still a bit disoriented, his head swirling around the events he’s sure happened a few moments ago.</p><p>
  <em>Kim Dongyoung. Ritual. Sword. </em>
</p><p>Youngho feels his body collapsing to the ground at the sudden and overwhelming memory of himself cradling the lifeless body of Dongyoung. The council gasps at the action, the figure who looks much like <em>the prince </em>sitting on the golden throne in this whatever alternative universe Youngho is in, cocking an eyebrow at him.</p><p>“Lord Youngho!” he hears Taeil cry behind him.</p><p>The man sitting beside him (his father-<em>the king</em>, he figured out), looks at him with an unperturbed look in his eyes and bows at the royal in front of them. “Your royal highness Prince Taeyong, I would like to apologize on behalf of my son for this sudden interruption. My son is showing the initial symptoms of the <em>flu</em>.”</p><p>“Well, then, escort Lord Youngho back to his household and let him rest. His presence will be needed in the next meeting. As for now, his father will be enough,” the prince, or perhaps Prince <em>Taeyong</em>, looks at Moon Taeil, nods, then the two of them exits the council room.</p><p>“Youngho, we need to get to your family physician to have you checked,” the eunuch, <em>probably not anymore</em>, holds Youngho’s arms to keep him steady as they enter the garden that would lead them to the palace’s exit.</p><p>“I’m...I’m fine, I’m just having a minor headache. A physician would be unnecessary,” he sits down on a bench across the small koi fish pond and takes a deep breath to calm his still shaking nerves down.</p><p>He was sure he was with Dongyoung a few moments ago, crying, screaming, and asking the world why it had to happen to him. He remembers the two strangers with them at that time, looking both at him and Dongyoung with pity in their eyes.</p><p><em>You’re running out of time, </em>one of them had said. A wave of heavy emotion run through his veins and the next thing he notices are tears streaming down his face.</p><p>He honestly doesn’t understand what’s happening to him, his surroundings, or to whatever <em>world</em> he’s in. The structure of the palace, the pillars, the bridge in front of him that leads to the concubine and her son’s quarters are exactly the same, apart from the usual sapphire flags that hangs around the borders of the whole compound which are now changed to ruby.</p><p>He’s in the same palace, yet the feeling it gives off is much different than that of what he’s used to.</p><p>He eventually starts to question his memories, if him being a prince ever really existed.</p><p>“Seo Youngho?”</p><p>“Moon Taeil.”</p><p>“Yes, that’s my name. Thank you very much. I’ve been talking to you all this time but you’re just staring off into space.”</p><p>Youngho shakes his head to ignore the overwhelming memories and wipes his tears away with the back of his hand.</p><p>“And you’re weeping. Are you sure you are fine?”</p><p>“I’m fine. No need to worry about me.”</p><p>“I’m not worried about you. I’m worried about what Prince Taeyong’s impression of us would be like.”</p><p>Youngho ignores the remark. Moon Taeil and his father are at least here, but the royal officials, everyone in the council room, especially the prince are new faces to him. It’s like he suddenly woke up to a different version of himself.</p><p>“What’s the name of that good looking prince?”</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>“The prince earlier. What’s his name?”</p><p>To say that Moon Taeil looks absolutely horrified and offended is an understatement. Youngho remembers how rude it is to ask something like this<em> (He’s your prince for goddess’ sake!)</em> but he couldn’t care less as of this moment.</p><p>For all he knows, he <em>is</em> the crowned prince of the kingdom.</p><p>The shorter man gasps. “How dare you? I’ve been gushing about Prince Taeyong to you for <em>years</em> and you dare ask me who he is? Prince Taeyong of Hanseong?”</p><p><em>Years. </em>Youngho notes. He’s probably close to <em>this</em> Moon Taeil as he was to the eunuch one.</p><p>“This is the right time for you to be thankful that I’m your cousin or else I would’ve reported you to the royal officials for this blatant disrespect towards the Crown Prince Lee Taeyong of Hanseong,” Moon Taeil is frowning but he knows he’s just pulling his leg, like what <em>cousins</em> usually do.</p><p>“Cousin?”</p><p>“Now, you’re just trying to offend me. I really think you should go back to your house and have some hot soup for your fever. I think the flu’s about to infect your brain-“</p><p>“I’m not sick. I’m just not feeling well inside the council room.”</p><p>His cousin hums but the disgust in his eyes for questioning the identity of the crowned prince goes unnoticed. “Understandable. You did spend two hours just sitting in front of the council while your father talk about your farms. Who would want to listen to your father talk on and on about your vast land?” Taeil glances at him and clears his throat. “I apologize. What I’m trying to say is that the meeting is going on for hours and is getting very repetitive. I understand how you would feel sick just sitting there doing nothing.”</p><p>Youngho’s head is swirling from everything that is happening. But as time pass by, small bits of memories about the new royal family, his own family and his <em>cousin</em> Moon Taeil, and all the basic information about him in this world are slowly filling his mind.</p><p>He’s Seo Youngho, the eldest son of the wealthiest land owner in the whole kingdom. His cousin Moon Taeil has this weird obsession towards the crown prince that he sometimes find endearing.</p><p>
  <em>Right, he’s getting there.</em>
</p><p>It’s as if his brain is recovering from a short term memory loss and the forgotten memories are slowly coming back.</p><p>Taeil pats him on the shoulder with concern. “Youngho, are you sure you are fine?”</p><p>He gives his cousin a nod. “I’m fine. Don’t worry.” He straightens his back and refocuses on the pond in front of them. “So what happened to the old crown prince?”</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>“Crown Prince Youngho? Son of the half-moon, first in line to the throne, son of Queen Mira and King Taejo? ”</p><p>Taeil looks at him like he just insulted their motherland. “I can’t believe you’ve actually asked me this. You learned this before! Why are you asking me this again?”</p><p>“Taeil, please.” He asks, or begs, but the older doesn’t notice the change in his tone.</p><p>“You were supposed to know this by heart since you two share the same name.” Taeil heaves a sigh, stands up and motions him to do the same so they could start heading to their household.</p><p>“The late Prince Youngho of the Seo clan, a very, very, <em>very</em> distant relative I believe, since you’re both Seo’s but without concrete evidence that you’re really related,” Taeil pauses to give him a look, “was the last pure blooded royalty that served the country from the Seo’s before his half brother, Prince Jaehyun, took over the throne,” the older continues, walking ahead of him with his hands behind him.</p><p>Youngho’s blood gone cold. He catches up to his cousin and asks more. “What happened to him, then?”</p><p>Taeil hums. “He was three months away from getting crowned as the king but he died during the northern kingdom’s attack by the borders. The prince and half of the army were in their usual border patrol when the northerns saw him aimlessly walking around without anyone accompanying him, so they took the chance and killed him.</p><p>“He was actually thought to be a spy at first, so he was immediately killed, along with this servant who seemed to be with him. It was too late for them to undo what has been done when the northerns confirmed it was tje crowned prince himself. The king got mad so he declared war. But after the prince died, the king’s health deteriorated so Prince Jaehyun led the war which obviously didn’t go well seeing that we now have the Lee’s leading the kingdom.”</p><p>Youngho isn’t sure if what Taeil just said is true. He thinks a part of them didn’t happen <em>earlier</em>, especially getting killed and attacked by the northerns. No attacks happened. He was definitely not killed by anyone. He only ever remembered feeling hot all over like he was set on fire after the short looking man touched his head.</p><p><em>Or perhaps the two men killed him…</em> <em>?</em></p><p>But most importantly, he feels anger and disappointment at the mention of his half brother. The one who brought dishonor to their family (even though he hardly considers him as one), and the one who <em>killed</em> Kim Dongyoung.</p><p>“That Jaehyun bastard!”</p><p>Taeil raises his hands in the air at the sudden outburst, feeling relieved his cousin actually thinks the same as him. “Exactly my sentiments about the royal prince! If he weren’t such an incompetent prince, the kingdom of Hanseong would’ve been still under the Seo clan. But I guess you could say the whole kingdom is thankful for the fall of the Seo clan since the Lees did an excellent job at doing their role as the head family.”</p><p>Taeil rounds the corner, into a village of wealthy families, with Youngho trailing behind him. He’s been in this village before, or more like the Prince Youngho who loved sneaking out of the palace to study how his subordinates live, but the changes all around him were pretty much noticeable.</p><p>The village in front of him, compared to what he remembered from when he was still the crowned prince, looks much livelier, richer, and full of life. He can see the major differences, and the fact that the Lee’s managed to make the struggling kingdom of Hanseong into a thriving and wealthy one hit him across his chest.</p><p>The Seos were incompetent and there’s no denying to that.</p><p>The cousins stop to watch two old men playing <em>janggi, </em>eyes focused on the oldest one that has the chip hovering the board. “We are, in fact, lucky that the northerns succeeded in conquering this land because the Great Empire of Hanseong has never seen this much success in centuries. Thank the goddess for having the Lees lead us for 274 years!”</p><p>Youngyo stills from his spot behind a young girl watching the game. His eyebrows meet into a frown, head tilting at the latest fact his cousin just uttered.</p><p><em>274 years.</em> 274 years since the Seos ruled the Great Kingdom of Hanseong, the same number of years since the last time he, the Crown Prince Youngho, reportedly died from the northern’s ambush.</p><p>It’s been 274 years since Kim Dongyoung died in his arms.</p><p>Youngho feels his legs go weak and he collapsed to the ground before his head begins throbbing again.</p><p>“Youngho! Are you alright?!”</p><p><em>No, he’s definitely not alright.</em> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After collapsing and catching the flu in the last few days, some pieces of what seemed like his lost memories slowly completes the puzzle that is his identity in this world. He can remember bits of his childhood memories in this version of himself, but the memories of himself as the prince is still clear as day in his mind.</p><p>It’s like reading about a character in a book and getting sucked into its world, with the way the author brings you that feeling where you think you are part of them so vividly it makes you feel like you’re one of the characters, but he knows where he truly belongs. He belongs to the world which supposedly existed 274 years ago. It still freaks him out to no end, to suddenly wake up to an unfamiliar <em>yet</em> familiar world that somehow makes sense to him in a way.</p><p>The usual expensive overcoat he wears with an intricate design of a dragon, or a lion, or even a lotus made out of golden thread were replaced by less expensive ones, but unique enough to still tell people he’s part of the highest class of the society. His house is understandably much smaller than that of the palace, but the absence of royal guards standing in every corner of his family’s compound gives him a peace of mind.</p><p>He had stopped hoping he would wake up back to his usual life, with Moon Taeil screaming for him to wake up for their morning lessons, with his court meeting with the royal officials- back to when life was much simpler than this.</p><p>He was almost convinced he was hallucinating the whole time, especially when he was slipping in and out of consciousness during the days he got extremely sick, but no matter how hard he tries to wake up from this nightmare, he would always wake up inside his same small room with a painting of what supposed to be his family in this lifetime hanging on the wall near his bed.</p><p>The memories of <em>the</em> Seo Youngho, the son of the wealthiest land owner of the whole kingdom, the third grandson of his grandparents, the person who shared the same name as the prince who existed 274 years ago, is still filling him up to this day. Every single thing he saw when he first opened his eyes made sense. He knew all the people present in the meeting with his father, the palace servants’ faces, almost everyone and everything there is to know as Seo Taejo’s educated son, and fortunately for him, no trace of Prince Jaehyun in this lifetime were present.</p><p>But even though his mind is filling him with information after information, his mind is still on one particular person that has him both sane and insane in the past few days he’s been here.</p><p>He’s getting those bits of memories of his cousin Moon Taeil and how he used to talk a lot about the crowned prince Lee Taeyong, the new royal family, his supposedly rich cousins from his mother’s side, his friends, and even the new shoe maker their family got from the nearby village. Unfortunately, none of them were of <em>him</em>.</p><p><em>Kim Dongyoung,</em> the love of his life.</p><p>Knowing that it’s been 274 years since it happened still sounds silly in his ears. He knows he’s in a questionable part of whatever universe he’s in, but he still wonders if a Kim Dongyoung exists in this world.</p><p>And he wonders if the Kim Dongyoung here, if he really existed after all, remembers him and the feelings they once shared like he does.</p><p>Youngho stops in the middle of the forest and holds his breath in as he lets his ears find the direction of people talking in a distance. He was on his way to check if the oak tree he and Dongyoung frequented a week after the whole market fiasco (<em>or was it?</em>) is still there. The forest got shabbier and darker, but the trail he used before is still present.</p><p>His head snaps to the direction of the redwood tree on his left. Voices can be heard from that direction and he carefully lifts his robe and tiptoes his way to the tree next to it. He’s careful enough not to make a sound as he step on the dried leaves and twigs on the ground, hiding himself so as to avoid getting attention.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“...please spare my life, my lord! I do not work for the Taehwang group! I am a mere farmer from the neighboring village on my way to the city to buy herbs for my sick daughter!”</em>
</p><p>“Quiet!” A voice exclaims with anger followed by a sound of a smack. Youngho leans forward to catch a glimpse of four men wearing the royal army’s ruby uniform and hats adorned with maroon feathers that differs from the ranks they hold. The four men had their backs on him and Youngho could make out the figure of another man cornered by who looks like the leader of the small group by a sword against his throat.</p><p>Youngho swallows hard and decides to leave quietly since it isn’t his business to intervene. He turns around to continue his peaceful stroll to his usual oak tree (or just go home, since it’s seems safer) only to be greeted by the tip of a sword digging through the cloth of his robe and his skin.</p><p>One small move and he’d have the whole thing through his chest.</p><p>“Who are you?” A man a few years younger than he is questions, dragging the tip of the sword up to the side of his neck. “Who do you work for?”</p><p>Youngho flinches at the sudden pressure on his neck, his back hitting the trunk. “I do not work for anyone.”</p><p>The blade digs deeper and he can feel hot liquid running down his neck. “I am giving you one more chance to come clean. Tell me why you are here.”</p><p>“Minhyung, bring the sword down,” a new voice from behind him says, pushing the blade against Youngho’s skin away with the man’s own sword. Youngho lets out a relieved breath before turning to fully face the lanky soldier, Minhyung.</p><p>“I apologize, Lord Kim, I can’t help but suspect this person for being an accomplice as he’s seen hiding behind this-“</p><p>“Minhyung, it’s fine,” the man moves forward so he’s now standing with the younger looking soldier in front of Youngho. The sight knocked the breath out of Youngho’s lungs. Not because the said man was the leader he’s seen interrogating the farmer, but because he looks exactly like the person Youngho’s been longing for.</p><p>“This man is Lord Youngho from the Seo clan. His family is one of the most loyal in the whole kingdom,” the head soldier, Lord Kim says, big doe eyes staring right back at him. “I can assure you he is not working for any group.”</p><p>Minhyung faces Youngho once again and bows, genuinely apologetic for accusing him of being a criminal. “I apologize for such inconvenience, Lord Youngho. It was not my intention to hurt you in any way.”</p><p>“I accept your apology. I know you’re just...just doing your job,” Youngho stutters, wiping the small trail of hot, red liquid on the side of his neck with the back of his hand.</p><p>“Bring the farmer back to the quarters for further interrogation,” Lord Kim orders and the four remaining soldiers, as well as the captured farmer, head back to the main city, leaving the two of them staring at each other.</p><p>Youngho is thankful he’s leaning on the tree for support or else he would’ve collapsed at the sight in front of him. Youngho wants to jump on him and give him a bone crushing hug, to show <em>him</em> how much he misses the man. He also wants to cry, or laugh, or even just stare at the person in front of him because the universe really is making his life turn into a huge joke.</p><p>Lord Kim, as what Minhyung had called the lead soldier earlier, looks exactly like the Kim Dongyoung from 274 years ago. From his doe, kind eyes hiding behind the hard looks he’s giving, his soft fair skin, his perfectly molded lips, the scar on the right corner of his lips, down to the small dimple right above it.</p><p>Everything is exactly like his Kim Dongyoung.</p><p>“Staring is rude, Lord Youngho,” Lord Kim starts and cocks an eyebrow when Youngho kept silent, “Is there’s something on my face?”</p><p>Youngho figures out he still doesn’t know what his relationship with Lord Kim is in this lifetime. He found out some of the people from 274 years ago still existed to this day, but some of them have different connection to the Youngho today. He wonders if it’s the same with Lord Kim as well.</p><p>Does Lord Kim hold the same role in his life? Or is he just a new character in Youngho’s strange book with its new plot?</p><p>“Do we...do we know each other?”</p><p>That’s probably not the best thing to ask.</p><p>Lord Kim’s frown on his pretty face gets more prominent and Youngho can see the shift of emotions in the former’s eyes. It looks somewhat offended, or borderline pained, if his eyes aren’t tricking him.</p><p>The shorter of the two draws the sword back to its container, a hint of a small, bitter smile adorning his small face. “You’re still mad, I see. I didn’t know you are this childish, my <em>lord</em>, but I’ll play your game.”</p><p>Youngho looks at the man in front of him as he tries to decipher what he means. There’s a mocking tone in the way Lord Kim addresses him as <em>lord</em>.</p><p>But there’s only one thing Youngho is certain: there’s some sort of connection between him and Lord Kim in this lifetime. But he’s yet to know what that is.</p><p>“So we do know each other,” Youngho concludes mostly to himself.</p><p>The shorter hums and lifts his chin in an attempt to look even more offended and intimidating. “Do <em>we</em> know each other? Why do you think I stopped Minhyung from slashing your neck?”</p><p>“A yes or no would’ve suffice.”</p><p>“Would it? I should’ve let Minhyung do whatever he’s planned for you,” Lord Kim says with bitterness in his voice. It’s like he’s pissed off for some reason and it frustrates Youngho that he has no idea what happened between the two of them before he unwillingly got stuck into this lifetime .</p><p>“I didn’t know you are this rude.”</p><p>“I am the rude one here, of course. Not that I was the one who initiated this childishness in the first place, right?” Lord Kim crosses his arms across his chest and stares up at him in a challenge to say something back. Youngho mimics the action, of course, but the feeling of bewilderment is still there given the fact that Lord Kim in front of him looks the same <em>yet</em> so different.</p><p><em>Feels</em> different yet the same as the old one.</p><p>Lord Kim huffs, giving him another of his steamed looks, before he starts walking away in attempt to change the topic of conversation. “What are you even doing here at this hour? Why do you always love putting yourself in trouble?”</p><p>Youngho follows him behind, careful not to offend him in any way by keeping his distance. “I don’t even know what trouble means.”</p><p>“You were in one, my lord. If it weren’t for me, Minhyung would’ve had your head on a plate.”</p><p>“Not anymore, I presume?”</p><p>“Luckily.”</p><p>Youngho watches Lord Kim from behind and he stops himself from just hugging him every once in a while. He had to remember that this is not the Kim Dongyoung he had loved 274 years ago. They may look the same but the recent conversations they had says something not quite positive about the two. He has to find out what that is, but he needs to be careful so as to not piss the soldier more than he currently is.</p><p>“You have to head back before the sun sets. It’s not safe for anyone to roam around the forest this late,” the soldier says without looking at him as he makes his way to the part of the forest Youngho initially intends to visit. The former prince silently follows him, and it’s obvious Lord Kim had assumed he wasn’t followed.</p><p>He watches the soldier stand near the cliff Youngho frequented before. The trees are mostly the same, save for some new types of plants surrounding the place. The shorter breathes in the fresh air and breathes out with a stressed sound. Youngho admires him from a distance and he has decided that he wants to know more about Lord Kim.</p><p>“You’re a soldier, aren’t you?”</p><p>Lord Kim jumps from his spot and grips the handle of his sword as an instinct. “You gave me a fright! What are you still doing here? Didn’t I tell you to go back?”</p><p>Youngho stands beside Lord Kim, savoring the moment of him being this close to the younger. He doesn’t know if this is even the Dongyoung he loved,<em> loves</em>, but a man can dream.</p><p>“You did. But did I ever listen to you?” Youngho smiles at Lord Kim and watches the sun set in front of them. He can see Lord Kim looking ahead of him with a defeated look.</p><p>“I suppose you are right. And to answer your previous question, yes, I’m a soldier. The head of the defense group to be exact since this uniform,” Lord Kim motions to the patterns different from what Minhyung wore, “is only for people assigned to such position.”</p><p>“A fighter, I see.”</p><p>Lord Kim glances at him, a small smile he’s fighting to hide gracing his face. “If there’s someone you should call a fighter, it should be yourself. You’re always out in public trying to fight people abusing the low class.”</p><p><em>Interesting</em>, Youngho thinks.  </p><p>“You even challenged one of my soldiers into a brawl a few days ago. The one near the hidden valley? While you were on your way to Yongun with Taeil? You were there and thought no one else saw the whole thing. It’s quite interesting if I had to be honest.”</p><p>Youngho only stares at him in confusion.</p><p>Lord Kim clears his throat. “N-not that I was watching you, don’t get that idea. You just happened to be there when I asked for my soldier’s presence.”</p><p>“I didn’t even say anything, Lord Kim.”</p><p>“But your eyes are saying something,” Lord Kim’s eyes narrows into slits before shaking his head in defeat. “We need to go before it gets darker, Lord Youngho.”</p><p>Youngho doesn’t say anything to protest and followed the smaller deeper into the forest. Youngho’s insides are still shaking at the fact that his lover’s version in this universe really exists. He’s here, an arm away from his grasp, yet feels so far.</p><p>His eyes land on a darker crimson color on the back of Lord Kim’s robes, almost turning brown, a noticeable cut on the cloth sending alarms inside his head. He grabs the man by the arm and says, “Lord Kim, you got a stab wound on your back.”</p><p>The man only rolls his eyes, an act Youngho only got to see from Dongyoung when he’s annoyed or teasing the prince. “Thank you for noticing. Now, we need to really head back to the village before we-“</p><p>“You need to get treated. The wound still looks fresh-“</p><p>“I am fine, Lord Youngho. This is nothing,” the man purses his lip and shrugs Youngho’s hands off him. He starts walking away, but this time with the will to get as far away as possible from the former prince.</p><p>Youngho effortlessly catches up to him and grabs the soldier’s right arm again. “This is <em>not</em> nothing. You should be fit enough to lead the army-“</p><p>“I <em>am</em> fit. I am fine. This is merely a stab wound,” Lord Kim hisses.</p><p>“A stab wound! When do you think is the appropriate time for you to see a physician? When your limbs go missing?” Youngho knows he’s slowly sounding ridiculous, getting angry all of a sudden, but he can’t help it. Not when he lost Kim Dongyoung in a similar way.</p><p>Lord Kim stares up at him. “You’re getting more ridiculous, Youngho. Let’s stop talking about this. I’m tired. I’m done fighting with you for the last few weeks.”</p><p>Youngho purses his lips at the new piece of information. Not only were they being hostile to each other, they also fight to the point Lord Kim got tired of him. But despite the fact that Lord Kim fights with this version of Youngho, he still can’t help but worry about his body.</p><p>“Well I apologize for worrying about you, Lord Kim. But let’s put the indifferences aside and have you treated by my family physician. He’s around, so he can see you immediately,” Youngho says, grabbing the shorter man on the wrist as they navigate around the forest. Lord Kim struggles for a bit but lets Youngho drag him out there anyway.</p><p>They stayed silent for the whole time, seeming like Lord Kim gave up fighting with him.</p><p>“I thought you’re still mad at me?”</p><p>Youngho glances at the man behind him, hand still wrapped around his wrist. “I’m not mad at you. But I will be if you keep this up.”</p><p>Lord Kim lets out another defeated sigh. “I want to let you know that I’m coming with you, not because you asked me to, but because I actually have something to do in your household.”</p><p>“And what would it be?”</p><p>This time, Lord Kim really shrugged his hand off and starts walking ahead the former prince. It seems like he has offended the head soldier yet again. “You are absolutely insufferable. Do you know that I extremely despise you?”</p><p>Youngho stayed silent, knowing that he can piss off Lord Kim just by breathing. He shakes his head as the thoughts of the possible relationship he has with Lord Kim start to frustrate him. He started having this theory in his head where he’s actually dead, and the goddess the two men had mentioned before is punishing him for all the bad things he’d done as a prince before.</p><p>But what did he do? He didn’t kill anyone. He didn’t accuse anyone of being criminals. He was being careful as the crown prince. He made sure his people are being treated fairly. He studied all there is to learn to be the crown prince everyone in the kingdom will love with his eunuch Moon Taeil. He went to trainings and border patrols and drills to keep his kingdom safe from any attacks.</p><p>He just wants to know how and why <em>this </em>happened.</p><p>“Lord Youngho, Lord Dongyoung!” A familiar voice calls from their right and the two lords stop, Youngho’s hand dropping the soldier’s wrist like a burning coal.</p><p><em>Kim Dongyoung.</em> Still the same, after all.</p><p>Moon Taeil, Youngho’s cousin, emerges from the dark with an obviously wrecked look, like he just fought someone and was not able to fix himself before greeting them. The sight honestly worried Youngho as he’s used to seeing the older looking so formal and pristine with his perfectly tailored robes.</p><p>“Taeil, are you alright?” his eyes scan his cousin’s look with genuine concern, “Why are your lips swollen? Did you get into a fight?”</p><p>Taeil rubs his lips with the back of his hand before fixing his robe and hat. He clears his throat and faces the two again like he just didn’t appear before him looking like a disheveled mess. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, cousin. I was visiting a friend nearby and came here running to tell you that it’s almost time for the dinner with the Ki-”</p><p>Lord Kim appears right in front of Youngho and cuts his cousin off, “A friend, huh? Where is this friend living anyway?”</p><p>Moon Taeil had the audacity to fake a cough, and make it sound and look like he isn’t getting enough oxygen. Lord Kim panics, his hands rubbing circles on Taeil’s back while asking him if he’s alright. But unfortunately for his cousin, Youngho knows the act he’s playing. Taeil can’t fool Youngho.</p><p>“Are you quite done? Lord Kim and I are heading to my household to get him treated.” Youngho sighs.</p><p>“Ah, isn’t tonight the dinner with-”</p><p>Dongyoung gives Taeil a glare. “Lord Taeil, please lead the way. Let’s not waste any more time in here.”</p><p>Taeil only shrugs before the three of them continue walking out of the forest and into the Seo’s household. Youngho kept his distance from the two, his mind still running around the thought that the feelings he had for Kim Dongyoung is resurfacing in this lifetime. It feels wrong, to think that he’s projecting his inner feelings for the former servant into this head of defense.</p><p>But no matter how hard he tries to convince himself that this is not the same man he loved those 274 years ago, there’s this hidden part in his mind that tells him something different. It’s like the feelings were there.</p><p>
  <em>It never left. </em>
</p><p>It feels natural, something that’s been there for quite a while now. And with this nagging feeling that tugs at his heart, he’s more than willing to know the real connection he had with Lord Kim.</p><p>The three of them arrive at the Seo’s main house, the servants and his father’s personal adviser lined on the entrance as if they’re already expecting visitors to come. To Youngho’s surprise, Lord Kim bowed in front of the adviser with a polite smile. They were talking about something and all of them were navigated to the part of their house where the Seo’s usually receive visitors.</p><p>The whole place looked quite festive, the low table filled with all varieties of foods and sweets with two musicians playing something at the back of the rectangular open-spaced dining area.  He didn’t know they were celebrating something but it confuses him more when his father came out to greet Lord Kim.</p><p>“Lord Kim, it’s an honor to have you here for the dinner,” The head Seo tips his head to greet the younger, a tight smile gracing his wrinkled face. “Have a seat, you three. It’s not polite to keep the food waiting.”</p><p>Youngho still doesn’t know what the occasion is but at this point, he’s afraid to ask for some reason. He sits on Moon Taeil’s right, with Lord Kim sitting across him beside his father.</p><p>“I apologize for the short notice but I appreciate your effort to attend even with your tight schedule, Lord Kim,” Yougho’s father started.</p><p>Lord Kim smiles before glancing at Youngho for a bit. “My family and I should be the ones apologizing to the Seo’s, my lord.”</p><p>“I understand that your family has been very busy these past few weeks. What, with all these sudden arrangements, I expect them to start the preparation, especially Lady Chungha.”</p><p>“Still, it is not polite for the bride and the immediate family to miss this dinner. I apologize on behalf of my cousin.” Dongyoung bows as Youngho’s father offered him a drink. “Besides, it’s rather appropriate for me to meet the man who’s going to marry my lovely cousin. Right, Lord Youngho?”</p><p>Dongyoung raises the small cup to his direction and drinks everything. Youngho’s chest starts thumping, the weight of the former’s words making him feel uncomfortable.</p><p>He glances at Taeil and leans sideways. “What is going on?”</p><p>Taeil takes the chopsticks and starts shoving food inside his mouth. “What do you mean by your question? You know that you’re acting really weird these past few days, Youngho.”</p><p>“Taeil, please.”</p><p>Taeil rolls his eyes after glancing at the family head and Dongyoung talking about his cousin. “Lord Dongyoung is here on behalf of the Kims to plan your wedding with Lady Chungha!” Taeil hisses.</p><p>Youngho swears he stops breathing for a millisecond.  The sudden mention of marriage with Dongyoung’s cousin sounds extremely wrong.</p><p>There’s no way he’d marry someone he technically do not know. He wants to say something, a protest, but his lips refuses to move. Like a heavy tug on his mouth to not say anything at this point.</p><p>The sky gets darker, fireflies flying around the place like stars in he galaxy with the voices of his father and Dongyoung, occasionally with Taeil, drowning out the sounds of crickets chirping in the night.</p><p>Youngho’s mind takes him farther and farther, until no thoughts came up.</p><p>They keep talking and talking, but Youngho can’t seem to catch up. Taeil even had to check on him to make sure he’s still with them. He was only able to get his thoughts from wildly running around when Dongyoung dropped his chopsticks and holds what seems to be the wounded part of his body with a pained expression.</p><p>The three men look at him, eyes examining the intensity of the pain. When Dongyoung stayed in the slightly balled position, Youngho has decided to take matters into his own hands.</p><p>“This is why I took you here. Not for the dinner, but for the physician,” his father looks up to him as he stands beside Dongyoung, “He needs to get his stab wound checked. There’s no way I’m letting him eat while he’s writhing in pain.”</p><p>Dongyoung looks up at him, a glare burning his face. “I am not writhing in pain. I am fine. It was just a sting-“</p><p>“No, it’s not, Lord Dongyoung.”</p><p>They stare at each other as if they don’t have an audience watching their suspicious interaction. But thankfully, his father sighs in understanding, hand waving at Taeil.</p><p>“Taeil, call the physician. And Youngho, make sure Lord Dongyoung gets enough rest in the guest room.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Dongyoung gives Youngho one last wet kiss on the soft skin of his collarbones before he rolls off him. He sits up, back facing the older as he picks up his dark green robe scattered on the floor along with his undergarments. He silently puts them on, trying not to make a sound as he can see the other sitting up and covering his lower body with the sheets. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Do you have to leave this early? You can stay the night.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dongyoung stands up, slipping on his pants. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You know I can’t.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dongyoung picks up Youngho’s clothes as well and places it on the foot of the bed, still trying to avoid starting a conversation about something he’s been hoping to avoid since the moment the family dinner started earlier. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was successful to say the least. Every time Youngho tries to say something, anything, he’d crash his lips against Youngho’s, suck on it, his tongue, lick the inside of his mouth, get to bathe the older with his lewd moans just to avoid souring the mood. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now that it’s over, Doyoung can only dress quickly and leave the Seo’s rest house near their main household.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Youngho watches him, still naked under the sheets, trying to start something without triggering Dongyoung.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dongyoung, you have to say something. You can’t avoid this talk forever,” he starts.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I can,” Dongyoung glances at him before his eyes roam around the room’s floor to look for his upper cloth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dongyoung, please. Just anything. Tell me not to do it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“There’s nothing for me to say here.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Youngho grabs Dongyoung’s wrist, forcing him to face him. “I am marrying your cousin for goddess sake, Dongyoung! You have to say something now since you were so silent earlier. Tell me not to do it. Tell me not to marry your cousin,” Youngho practically begs, his grip tightening like it’s the only thing that will keep him alive.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dongyoung fists the soft fabric in his hands, trying to let the tight grip on his other wrist go. “Are you hearing yourself right now, Youngho? Are you even aware how disrespectful it is to say such thing?” He hisses, with his eyes burning holes into his face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The younger harshly unlatched his grip, and Youngho looks up at him with hot tears threatening to spill. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You just want to use me as an excuse not to marry Chungha, don’t you? You just want me to convince you so you could come out clean when you give them a reason not to do it.”</em>
</p><p><em>“You know how much I loathe these political marriages, Dongyoung. And no, I’ve been against this arrangement since the very start. You </em>know<em> I’m completely against it,” he sounds frustrated, desperate enough to almost beg Dongyoung to say something, anything. “I just want you to tell me not to do it. No need to convince me. I just want you to tell me not to marry your cousin so I would know I’m not the only one trying to make this relationship work.”</em></p><p><em>Dongyoung almost laughed. He lets out shaky breath, mouth opening and closing like he just can’t wrap his head around the </em>humor<em>. “Are you seriously hearing yourself? There’s no relationship at all!”</em></p><p>
  <em>He waves his hand between them and continues, “Whatever we have is purely for pleasure. Physical. Nothing else. And if you want me to say something then alright, I don’t want you to break off the arrangement. Marry Chungha! Have kids with her for all I care!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Youngho is shaking, not from anger, but from the pain he’s feeling at Dongyoung’s words. It hurts more than it should. Youngho shouldn’t have pushed his last buttons because in the end, Dongyoung was right. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whatever they had was purely physical, a smart way for them to release pent up frustrations. They were lucky for finding such pleasure with each other, with both of them willing to make rules bend. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wants to blame himself, for assuming that a connection was there, for feeling like it was mutual. But his mind wants to fight back, somewhat blame Dongyoung too because he’s partly the reason why he became like this, a huge mess. The reason why he assumed in the first place.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because when they started their physical relationship a few months ago, Youngho was almost sure he was the only one hoping it would turn into something else, into something he’d been daydreaming about since the first time he saw Dongyoung during the royal parade walking behind the King’s palanquin with his traditional ruby uniform. He let himself fall into the illusion of Dongyoung changing his mind, that the younger is letting out his romantic feelings for him every other night they meet in the Seo’s rest house by the east part of the village near the forest, letting him fool himself into thinking that Dongyoung likes him too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>In the end, Dongyoung doesn’t.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But he can’t entirely blame himself for feeling like this because Dongyoung made him feel that way. He kisses his lips, brushes his lips softly on his temples, asks him how his day went before nuzzling his face on the crook of his neck, holds his hand tightly under the table, meets each other the day before Dongyoung’s army drills in the same room, caresses his face, and whispers sweet nothings before their limbs tangle into one that night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Instead of crying like the pathetic fool that he really is, he lets out a humorless chuckle, his grip on the younger’s wrist loosening in shame. “How silly of me to think there’s something going on between us. I apologize for thinking that you like me too.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Youngho, that’s not what I want truly want to say. I think I used the wrong wo-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dongyoung, why else would you so adamantly tell me to follow what our families have planned? And I understand now, I really do. But do you understand why I keep saying no? It’s because I want you! I want to marry you!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Youngho is a fool, a fact he has admitted the moment he started catching feelings for the soldier. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dongyoung rubs his face in frustrations, his face adorned with a permanent scowl. “That’s exactly why I keep pushing it! I don’t want you to disobey your father!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Youngho gets up, cold air hitting his naked skin as he stands tall in front of the topless man, not caring about his image anymore due to the frustrations clouding his judgment. “Don’t you just get it, Dongyoung? I love you. I love you too much to just let you go. I want to fight for what I want even just for this time, against my father’s orders. I want to spend a lifetime with you, Dongyoung.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The younger looks up at him, his eyes turning glossy at the tears forming behind his eyes. “It’s not going to happen. You and I are impossible. Please, don’t make it harder for us both.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stares at him dumbfounded because once again, Dongyoung is right. He’s always damn right. And it hurts so much. So damn much. And Youngho’s being selfish, he knows that. Why would he force his feelings into someone who clearly doesn’t feel the same?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And confessing that he wants to spend a lifetime with someone who clearly doesn’t even think of spending it on a normal time of the day? Absolutely selfish. It’s always behind closed doors, under the table, when the sun’s out to rest for the night. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It hurts. But it would hurt less if Dongyoung could’ve been honest with it in the first place.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Impossible, yes I get it. I should’ve known-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We wouldn’t be in this situation if you didn’t catch feelings.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Youngho is dumbfounded. “I apologize if I can’t help myself who I fall in love with!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m doing this for you too!” Dongyoung exclaims, hitting Youngho’s chest with every words. “I want you to follow your father’s order so you would live happily!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Youngho grabs both of his wrists and shakes the younger in an attempt to make a point. “But it’s only you who can make me happy, Kim Dongyoung! You are my happiness. I love you, Dongyoung. So much I’m willing to take whatever chances I have to be with you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The soldier was silent. Youngho searches in his eyes for answers, reactions, anything he can get from his little burst of shameless emotions, but still the eyes were blank and Youngho couldn’t make an answer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And that itself is already an answer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He lets go of the hands and snatches his cloths sitting at the foot of the bed. He dresses as quick as he’d never been before, eyes not meeting the younger’s. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Youngho please-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With the cloth still untied around his torso, he exited the room and goes into the forest to clear his mind without turning back. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Youngho leans on the door frame of the room Dongyoung is staying at in his household. He observes the figure of the soldier sitting on the foot of the bed, his naked torso wrapped in medical cloth, hands up on his long hair to tie it in a bun. He struggles, of course, visibly flinching with every move he makes.</p><p>“You look like you’re struggling,” Youngho comments.</p><p>“Thanks for noticing,” Dongyoung’s back is still on him, a hand holding his hair in place.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” The older walks up to him and ties his hair instead, surprised that the younger did nothing to protest.</p><p>“Tired. But I’m feeling fine now, thanks for asking.”</p><p>Youngho silently helps the soldier put on his clothes, careful enough not to accidentally touch the wounded part. Fortunately, Dongyoung was silent the whole time, taking his time to actually be civil with Youngho.</p><p>The dream he had last night, or perhaps another set of memories his mind provided for him disguised as a dream, kept him up for the rest of the night. He still feels the emotions, the pain and ache he had in that particular memory like an old wound opening up to make it bleed again.</p><p>He now understands the context, the indifference and confusion Dongyoung might have felt when he met the not so brand new Seo Youngho yesterday. He still feels the pain the old Seo Youngho felt about the rejection but now that he has taken over this new life, a new chance to make a difference, a new chance to do what is right, he has decided to disregard the bitter memory of the failed confession and make sure he doesn’t make the same mistake again he made 274 years ago.</p><p>And that is to make sure Dongyoung gets to be loved in this lifetime to make up for the past, to make him feel appreciated, blessed, respected by the people, and be loved by Seo Youngho more than he ever did with anyone in all his lifetime.</p><p>It doesn’t matter to him if Kim Dongyoung remembers nothing from his past life. It really doesn’t matter, as long as he’s living the current moment with the love of his life.</p><p>Youngho needs a plan, but he doesn’t have one yet, but probably reconciling with the younger would be the first step.</p><p>“Why are you looking at me like that?”</p><p>He snaps out of his train of thoughts, unaware that he’s staring at the soldier. “I apologize. You just reminded me of someone.”</p><p>Dongyoung raises a brow. “A good person, I hope?”</p><p>“A good person. I promise.”</p><p>Dongyoung exhales before getting up to put on his maroon pants and shoes, hurting himself in the process. Dongyoung, even in his other lifetime, has this habit of trying to look strong and unbothered (both physically and mentally), to make sure people around him won’t get worried about him. But unfortunately for him, Youngho can see through him and his acts.</p><p>“Be careful. You just got treated,” Youngho steadies him by his arms, takes the crisp maroon pants folded neatly on the chair behind him and helps him put it on. “I know you constantly get injured in your drills, but please, be careful next time.”</p><p>Dongyoung lifts his right leg, then his left, and Youngho ties the band around his waist, right below his wound. Youngho tries not to think too much of the cut, a similar one the past Dongyoung had, and continues, “I wouldn’t know what to do if you just,” he swallows, “suddenly disappear from me.” <em>Again.</em></p><p>Dongyoung is silent.</p><p>“Dongyoung, promise me you won’t get hurt.”</p><p>“And what if I don’t?”</p><p>“I’d never forgive myself then.”</p><p>“Why would you do that? It’s not your fault that I get stabbed again and again and again. You have nothing to do with any of my injuries. I am a soldier. I was born to bleed and die fighting.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if something were to happen to you.” <em>Again</em>. He wants Dongyoung to be safe, to be away from any danger that might cause him his life again, but who is Youngho to prevent that from happening? “Because that only means I didn’t even try hard enough to protect you.”</p><p>Dongyoung snatches the band Youngho is holding and tucks it in his waistband. The former prince bends down to tie the former’s shoes, thankful enough that Dongyoung can’t see his lips trembling.</p><p>The least he could do is to stay by Dongyoung side, hoping and praying to the mountains for him to be safe.</p><p>“Do you always have to be this confusing?”</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>“Pardon?” He looks up to him, his hands still on the laces of Dongyoung’s shoes. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>“This! You are back at it again,” his hands waves between them, brows knitted together in a permanent scowl. “Yesterday, you were pretending not to know me. That, I can play along. But this? I can’t. I really can’t.”</p><p>“I am honestly lost. Tell me what I did wrong.” He stands up and rests his hands on Dongyoung’s waist.</p><p>“Everything! You are doing everything wrong. And you’re not supposed to look at me like that!” he glares up at him.</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Like you’re hopelessly in love with me.”</p><p>Here they are again. The way Dongyoung was behaving in his memory is back again.</p><p>“Because I am! I am hopelessly and madly in love with you, Kim Dongyoung,” <em>This Dongyoung and the one from the past, because I know it’s you. You are the same person I’ve loved all these 274 years. </em></p><p>The smaller of the two pushed him by the chest, hands shaking in an unexplainable manner. Youngho wants to hold him, like he usually does, hold his hand and tell him everything is alright. “You’ve gone mad. Absolutely mad. This is wrong. We’ve talked about this before. This isn’t going to be possible. You are going to marry my cousin.”</p><p>“Why do you always keep on pushing me and my feelings away, Dongyoung?”</p><p>“Youngho, please-“</p><p>“We already had this conversation before, like what you’ve said, and I just want to remind you again that I have no intention of marrying your cousin. It’s you who I want and love!” He cages him in with one arm, his other hand caressing the side of his neck. “No matter how much you push me away, I will always come back to you again and again. Because deep inside, I know you want me too. I know you like me too.”</p><p>“I hate you.”</p><p>Dongyoung grabs him by the nape of his neck and captures his lips with such intensity that Youngho wonders if it’s because of hate or desire or desperation or <em>both</em>. The former prince didn’t have enough time to react, didn’t have the time to question Dongyoung.</p><p>The soldier pulls him even closer, lips not moving as they let their body feel each other, burning with every touch as they’ve been away from each other’s comfort for weeks.</p><p>They start moving, Dongyoung’s arms caging and locking it at the back of Youngho’s head, at the same time pushing the former’s head closer to him.</p><p>Dongyoung’s lips is as soft as Youngho remembers, hot, wet tongue slightly grazing his bottom lip. It’s like he wants more but at the same time doesn’t. He probably knows it’s not the right timing to demand more.</p><p>His chest bursts into flames, lungs trying hard to breathe in some oxygen as the younger kisses him like he’d never done before. But he’s afraid to pull away since he doesn’t know if Dongyoung would pull him to his body again.</p><p>“I hate you,” Dongyoung finally pulls away and rests his forehead on his, “I hate you so much.” He says it in a rather sad tone, like longing and regret, but Youngho might be wrong, and he then rests his head on his chest.</p><p>He wraps the soldier in a tight embrace, rubs his back and the back of his head. He whispers comforts in his ears, shushing him with kisses on his temple as the latter fisted the fabric of his green robe. It’s the first time he sees the soldier this fragile and small and somewhat weak, the façade he’s built for himself slowly crumbling as he continues to get cradled in Youngho’s arms.</p><p>“I’m just scared.”</p><p>“Scared of what?”</p><p>“Everything.” Youngho decides not to pry anymore, contented to have just have him in his arms in complete submission. The younger goes silent, just breathing in Youngho’s scent in peace.</p><p>The peaceful moment they had were only interrupted when they heard a voice outside the room. “Lord Kim, you are summoned by the King in the palace for a meeting. You are requested to appear in the council room before noon.”</p><p>It’s Minhyung, Youngho can make out. The head of the army detaches himself from him after giving him a kiss in the corners of his mouth, and gets out of the room, fully dressed into his complete uniform, with Minhyung trailing behind him.</p><p>
  <em>“Please come back.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I will.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>It’s not a surprise when the topic of Youngho’s marriage with the Kims’ second oldest lady is still circulating around both their households. His father has been asking him about the preparation but to be honest, the topic is nowhere inside Youngho’s mind.</p><p>His mind is swimming around the words given to him by the two strange men he met 274 years ago. They mentioned something about a gift given to him the goddess, the same entity who put him in such strange situation. If being born, in a completely different yet same person after 274 years, is the gift the two men mentioned before, he’d like to have a serious conversation with them because this is nothing but a curse.</p><p>A curse he’d like to break just so he could go back to his life 274 years ago.</p><p>But it seems like there’s no way he can go back in time. There’s no indication that there’s a chance for him to be the Crowned Prince Seo Youngho of the Kingdom of Hanseong again. Instead, he’d like to think that maybe, the chance he was given to be with Dongyoung in this lifetime is the gift they were referring to, the chance to pursue Dongyoung, the chance to make things right.</p><p>Maybe this is his chance for him to finally be with the one he loves the most, something he was deprived of before.</p><p>And for that, he wants to embrace this <em>gift</em>. Not make the same mistake anymore, and just be with <em>his</em> Kim Dongyoung.</p><p> </p><p>Kim Dongyoung, with the rest of his army, were sent to the kingdom’s borders as threats of the possible attack from the nearby kingdom worried the palace. It is from a rather small kingdom but Hanseong had learned from the past to never underestimate their enemies no matter how small or big their kingdoms are. So in result, they sent their armies to guard their borders and make sure no one from the neighboring kingdoms can get past their borders.</p><p>Youngho was against the whole thing, for Dongyoung to leave for a few weeks right when they were actually starting to slowly acknowledge each other’s feelings, but there’s literally nothing he can do to stop the head of the army from doing his only job. Youngho isn’t that selfish, he admits, but the unsettling feeling at the pit of his stomach keeps gnawing at him.</p><p>“I’ll be leaving for the borders,” Dongyoung had said one day, an arm wrapped around Youngho’s torso as they stood on the same exact cliff, exactly a day before their send off. The little confrontation they had in Youngho’s household brought little changes in their relationship, noticeable, nonetheless.</p><p>Youngho rests his cheeks on the younger’s head, “Promise me you’ll come back immediately. Meet me here again, five days from now so I would know you’re safe.”</p><p>“Youngho.”</p><p>“Dongyoung, promise me.”</p><p>
  <em>“I promise you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The next few days were uneventful, save for the usual questions the Kim household would ask the Seos about the wedding. He’s still yet to meet Dongyoung’s cousin but he figured out they shared the same sentiments regarding the wedding as the latter also refused to meet or have dinner with the Seos.</p><p>And for that, he’s extremely thankful for her (and solely the main reason why they have to postpone the wedding, much to the two families’ dismay).</p><p>Youngho has to rely on the news Taeil has about the army, about Kim Dongyoung to be exact. He wonders where his cousin gets all the classified information.</p><p>“-and the a soldier got injured but thankfully, a physician went with them so he got treated immediately,” Taeil had said one time, when they were walking around the city to help Taeil buy a gift for a friend.</p><p>“Where’d you get these information from, Taeil?”</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>“You seemed to know a lot about the army drills which only a few get access to. You’re either a spy or you know someone working inside the palace who gives you all of these,” Youngho eyed Taeil.</p><p>“I’m not a spy! Stop carelessly blurting out words that may harm us!” his cousin hissed, “And you should be thankful I’m giving you an update about your lover boy. I didn’t threaten <em>Taeyongie</em> just to-“</p><p>“Pardon? <em>Taeyongie</em>?”</p><p>“I’m meant to say Taeyong! Prince Taeyong! Youngho, I didn’t-“</p><p>“Moon Taeil, are you sleeping with the prince!?”</p><p>“Seo Youngho, I’m chopping off your tongue right in this instant!”</p><p>Youngho is thankful, nonetheless. The fact that his cousin is secretly seeing the prince really shocked him to the core but he chose to close his big mouth just so he could have more information about Dongyoung’s well-being.</p><p>And now he’s here, in the same cliff they’ve agreed to meet at after five days. He can’t wait to see Dongyoung again, hug him, kiss him, and tell him he loves him again for the hundredth time. Dongyoung has only been missing for five days, and will be for the next couple of days, but it somehow feels like he’s gone for months.</p><p>So it wasn’t a surprise when his heart is thumping like never before when he spots Dongyoung sitting under the shade of the same oak tree from 274 years ago. He can’t fight the smile that decorates his face as he approaches the man who is peacefully leaning on the trunk, eyes closed, with the wind brushing his hair away from his face.</p><p>“Dongyoung,” he calls.</p><p>The soldier opens his eyes and looks up at him, his left hand pushing away the sword sitting beside him so he could make a room for Youngho to sit on.</p><p>“You came back.”</p><p>“I promised you, didn’t I?”</p><p>“You did, my love,” he pulls the younger to him and feels him comfortably snuggling on his chest.</p><p>“I missed you so much, Youngho,” Dongyoung whispers, both his arms now circling tightly around the young lord’s torso, his nose shoved comfortably on the latter’s neck, “So, so much I had to run here immediately.”</p><p>He smiles at that. “I miss you too, Dongyoung.”</p><p>They stay cuddled in the peaceful afternoon under the oak tree, words failing to acknowledge the difference they’re making in the past few days, but their body can. Dongyoung is clinging into him, repeatedly saying he misses Youngho, and apologizes to him for what he has done and said a while back.</p><p>“What are you apologizing for?”</p><p>“Everything.”</p><p>“Worry no more. I’ve already forgiven you ages ago.”</p><p>Dongyoung lightly nods his head with a hum, burying himself onto Youngho once more. “Do you know why I joined the army?”</p><p>Youngho only hums, letting the younger’s voice fill the air. “It’s because of a shaman. He was there when I was born, and said I would grow up into a weak man and die of poisoning,” he chuckles, head now resting on Youngho’s shoulder, “My parents were enraged, obviously since it isn’t what parents want to hear after birthing their second son. They wanted to know whom I’m getting married to, the fortune I’ll get in the future, or the number of kids I’ll have with my wife. But instead, they got told I was going to die early.”</p><p>Youngho is slowly getting uncomfortable at the choice of topic they’re tackling, a dark memory hiding behind his mind threatening to come out. “But do you know what I did? I took it as a challenge.”</p><p>“You joined the army to prove the shaman wrong.”</p><p>Dongyoung nods. “I wanted to show him that I am not weak. And if I die, that will be with a sword buried in my chest. At least he would know I didn’t die of poisoning.”</p><p>Youngho tilts his head and watches Dongyoung straightening in his embrace. “Why are you telling me this?”</p><p>“Because I’m a weak boy after all.”</p><p>The young lord pries himself away from the younger and turns him around so they would face each other. He searches the soldier’s face for something he doesn’t even know. Is it worry? Sadness? He doesn’t know, but all he can see in Dongyoung’s face is a small smile that says nothing close to genuine happiness.</p><p>“The shaman was right, Youngho. I am a weak boy.”</p><p>“Kim Dongyoung, what are you-“</p><p>“Youngho, promise me you’ll not get mad.”</p><p>“Dongyoung, what is it?”</p><p>“I promised that I’ll come back to you, right?”</p><p>The tears doesn’t get unnoticed, every bead putting a heavy weight in Youngho’s chest. His hands are shaking, mind starting to run wild at the possibility of Dongyoung’s current state.</p><p>“I promised to come back to you. And I did. I didn’t break it. But I didn’t promise to come back in good condition.”</p><p>Dongyoung is now crying, sobbing so hard he can barely breathe properly. His hands are holding into Youngho’s tightly, as if his life depended on it. He’s struggling to keep himself calm, and every time he looks at Youngho’s mortified look, he would burst into full sobs again.</p><p>
  <em>No, no, there’s no way. </em>
</p><p>“Did you get stabbed again? It’s okay. I’m not mad. The most important thing here is that you’re back. We can go back to the palace to have you treated. Or to my household so I could monitor your condition too.” He scrambles to his feet, desperate to get out of there with Dongyoung.</p><p>“Youngho, I’m sorry but I would like you to know that I appreciate you so much. You are the only thing that motivates me to keep going. I like you so much,” he tried catching his breathe, but this time, the young lord doesn’t know if it’s because of his sobbing or something else. “I came here to tell you that I didn’t break the promise. I came back to you.”</p><p>“I know, I know, my love. I understand and it’s alright but we need to get going so-“</p><p>He stands up, ready to carry the younger with him when he suddenly heard the words that made time stop. “I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t know he was following me. I didn’t know your brother was following me.”</p><p>Youngho is confused, his head spinning at a lightning speed from the words he couldn’t actually believe came out from Doyoung’s lips. He doesn’t have a brother in this lifetime. He only had Jaehyun, the one who killed <em>him</em>.</p><p>“I was foolish enough to think it was you who was following me. I didn’t know. I wasn’t careful enough. I’m sorry. <em>I’m sorry.</em>”</p><p>He can literally feel his chest aching. “Kim Dongyoung, my love? Is that you!?”</p><p>“Youngho, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you there. I like you so much. Even after all we’ve been through, it’s always been you, Youngho.”</p><p>Youngho feels his soul leave his body when Dongyoung suddenly collapses in front of him, head falling to rest on his chest. There’s no movement after that, and the only thing he could hear is the pulsating sound in his ears. His eyes widen, shakes Dongyoung body, checks his body for any wounds, but instead, saw his arms turning black with every second he spends checking it.</p><p>Dongyoung was poisoned.</p><p>“Dongyoung, my love, keep your eyes open. It’s okay. I’m not mad. I’ll never get mad at you. We can still make it to my household. I’ll have Taeil look for the best physician to get you treated,” Youngho says, but mainly to convince himself that this is just a nightmare, and that he would just wake up soon.</p><p>But instead, Dongyoung’s body remain still. Unmoving.</p><p><em>Lifeless</em>.</p><p>Youngho screams so hard he can feel his throat aching. The crying won’t stop, he has never cried like this before, not even what happened with Dongyoung before, because this time, it’s hurts even more.</p><p>The pain he feels is nothing compared to any physical pain known to man. The love of his life is gone again, for the second time, right when he thought this was the gift given to him by the two man.</p><p>He continues to cry, and cry, and cry. But no matter what he does, Dongyoung still remains unmoving.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” a voice from in front of him speaks. He blinks the tears away, and the anger he felt ages ago resurfaces as he spots the same two men who gifted him that damned bullshit.</p><p>“You! What did you do to him!? Fix this mess! Bring him back to me!”</p><p>The shorter one with short, black hair wearing an all white robe glances at the light yellow haired wearing similar clothing. The latter nods his head, as if to give permission, and the short one looks at him with sympathy.</p><p>“We already told you before that it is not our doing. You managed to piss off the goddess.”</p><p>“I don’t care! Bring her to me and tell her she needs to fix the mess she made!”</p><p>“There’s nothing she can do, Youngho. Dongyoung is gone.”</p><p>He doesn’t have the energy to question the man on how he knew Youngho’s name before he screams, his whole body shaking with anger. “How dare you! How dare you say that!</p><p>The short one is about to say something but his companion stops him with a <em>“Ten.”</em> with a warning look.</p><p>The yellow haired one walks closer to him, a soft look on his face. Strangely, Youngho doesn’t scream at him and only watches him closely like he’s afraid he might do something again.</p><p>“I apologize for the heart ache the goddess has inflicted upon you. But we hope to see you again, but in a different circumstance just so we could help you get out of <em>this</em>,” he says.</p><p>The short one nods. “I apologize for my insensitivity again, Youngho. But we promise to help you again.”</p><p>The two of them crowds around him, the alarms in Youngho’s head going wild at the possibility of <em>it</em> happening again.</p><p>“We’ll see you again. Just hold on, John. The right time will come.”</p><p>All Youngho can remember is Dongyoung looking up to him with a gummy smile on his face.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please leave comments, kudos, and bookmark!</p><p>here's my ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/wnwtl</p><p>any help is much appreciated🥰</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Deny The Feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>The voices Johnny hears around him sounds muffled, his ears pulsating every time he tries to make out what they were saying. His heart is beating so fast, as if he had run a marathon of his lifetime, and the noise he’s hearing keeps getting louder and louder, closer and closer.</p>
<p>
  <em>“….basketball sucks ass, man. I wish we could have rock climbing for PE class…”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Unfortunately for you, we’re getting volleyball next year….”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“…..that sucks even more, damn it. Not everyone is like Johnny here who knows how to play with balls.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’ll pretend you didn’t say that, Lucas.”</em>
</p>
<p>Youngho opens his eyes, brows knitted together as he slowly takes in the new environment he’s in once again. Unlike the first time he woke up to a new lifetime, he isn’t feeling the jolting pain of his body and the violent throbbing of his chest, instead, he’s feeling the overwhelming pounding of his head as snippets of random memories of <em>the</em> Seo Youngho in this lifetime fill the vacant spots in his mind.</p>
<p>He feels tired, drained, like the remaining energy he has got sucked out of him.</p>
<p>His fingers unconsciously rob his temples and his eyes scan the new environment he’s in, brows still knitted together. He is sitting with a bunch of guys in a huge room filled with dull colored tables and chairs, with a counter and a glass display full of varieties of foods and snacks at the corner.</p>
<p>Some of the people are heading to the said counter with bags slung over their shoulders, books securely placed in between their arms, with some of them holding silver trays as they look for an empty table they can eat on.</p>
<p> Strangely enough, he doesn’t feel out of place. Unlike the last time it happened to him, he feels like he’s been here all along, and that the tight clothes he’s wearing aren’t suffocating him.</p>
<p>The long and fancy golden robes or the royal dress he used to wear during his daily lessons with Moon Taeil, or even the less expensive ones when he was Seo Youngho the land owner’s son, were long gone. Not even a trace of the luxurious item is in this lifetime, Youngho states in amazement.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” the guy in front of him with golden hair wearing a similar dark blue denim jacket that he has on waves a hand to catch his attention. The guy looks kind, a genuine worried look etched on his face as he scan Youngho’s confused face.</p>
<p>In that moment, his mind struggles to make out a name to call the blond one but the back of his mind can recognize such kind face and everyone else in his table. He knows every single one of his small group of friends, he just knew that sole fact, but the delay of information his mind supplies for him is keeping him from acting like how the <em>usual</em> Johnny really is.</p>
<p>“<em>Johnny</em>? You okay there?”</p>
<p>The former prince jerks at the new name directed at him, pulling him out of his deep thoughts, but it strangely didn’t faze him that much.</p>
<p><em>Johnny Suh,</em> his head supplies for himself, snippets after snippets of a young man clad in bell bottom jeans and floral shirts with sweater vest over it in a lecture room fills his mind.</p>
<p><em>Seems like I have a new name here, </em>he shrugs, too tired to question everything at once.</p>
<p>“I’ve noticed you spacing out in advanced algebra. You’re lucky Mr. Min didn’t catch you zoning out in his class,” another guy sitting on his left chimes in. The guy has long, wavy hair, long enough to go past his shoulders with bobby pins holding some in place. He looks absolutely angelic, pretty, and <em>soft</em>, if it weren’t for him obnoxiously stabbing the patty in front of him with a fork and flicking the tomatoes into the blond’s direction.</p>
<p>“Yuta, I’ll stab your eyes out if you keep doing that,” the blond one threatens, flicking the sliced tomato back to the guy on his left, <em>Yuta’s</em> direction. The other guy, the one sitting on his right, flicks some fries on Yuta’s direction, him and the blond one ganging up on the long haired one. Yuta leans backward to avoid the incoming slices of tomatoes and fries, knocking the plastic glass of iced water in the process.</p>
<p>“Ah damn it, Jungwoo! Look what you’ve done to my pants!” Yuta exclaims after a sliced tomato lands on his bell pants. He took the used tissues on the table to wipe the water and avoid getting everything and everyone else wet.</p>
<p>“Lucas, I will really stab your eyes out!” he cries out again after getting his pants wet, earning a hearty laugh from both Jungwoo and Lucas.</p>
<p>Youngho, or more like <em>Johnny</em>, shakes his head as he closes his eyes to avoid the incoming headache from all the chaos his <em>friends</em> are causing. The three guys are laughing at the mess they made, joking and bantering like crazy. Thankfully no one else is bothered enough to reprimand them for being messy and loud in the room.</p>
<p>Johnny sighs as he takes in the environment he’s in one last time, ignoring whatever the three guys are talking and bickering about.  He’s seeing things that were not present during his previous times like the lights illuminating the vast room, the speakers playing some rock music he doesn’t know the title of but certainly recognizes it as one of the songs Yuta has in his list of favourite songs, the drinks that are inside a cartoon or plastic containers, or whatever the weird clothes they’re wearing. But then again, he doesn’t feel strange and weirded out, just feeling like he just woke up from a long, unexplainable dream once again.</p>
<p>“Johnny, are you really feeling fine? I’m really worried about how silent you are today. You’ve been acting strange since this morning. Do you want to go to the infirmary? I can tell your professor—“</p>
<p>“Jungwoo, I’m fine. I just didn’t get enough sleep last night,” he quickly reasons out, giving the blond one a reassuring smile, or at least one that looks reassuring enough for his three friends to leave him be. His friend gives him another look, as if to assess whether Johnny is telling the truth or not before shrugging, probably finding the excuse reasonable enough, and stuffing his face with what remains from his food.</p>
<p>“At least try to look awake enough for your next class, especially since you have that dragon of a teacher named Mrs. Tang next,” Lucas says, giving Johnny a pointed look.</p>
<p>The young prince shivers at the image of a middle-aged woman with artificially colored black hair standing in the lecture room and a colored chalk in her hand. It’s probably Mrs. Tang from his Media Management class in the afternoon.</p>
<p>He visibly shakes his head to put the intimidating image away from his mind before his eyes scan the whole place, hoping that a familiar face would be there to at least give him a peace of mind.</p>
<p>“Have you seen Moon Taeil?”</p>
<p>“Who?” Yuta asks.</p>
<p>Johnny pauses, thinking of what to say to his friends since Taeil apparently doesn’t have a constant role in his previous life. What should he even say to them? That Moon Taeil is his cousin? His best friend? Or an acquaintance?</p>
<p>“Uh, Moon…Taeil?”</p>
<p>Yuta frowns at the mention of the new name then looks at Jungwoo. “Do you know any Moon Taeil?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think so. This is a small town but I haven’t heard of a Moon Taeil here,” Jungwoo replies nonchalantly with Lucas nodding his head in agreement. “Why? Is he a friend? A partner for a project? We can ask around if you want?”</p>
<p>Johnny heaves a deep sigh, feeling a bit under the weather that the only person he can rely on probably isn’t even in this lifetime. He wants Taeil to be here, to be in this lifetime even as someone not related to Johnny at all, because he needs someone right now to remind him of his life before. And to have a piece of himself from the past, and that being the kingdom’s crowned prince and the richest land owner’s son were not part of some twisted nightmare that is making him insane.</p>
<p>“It’s fine. Thanks for offering, by the way.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure? You look like you’re about to cry,” Lucas asks, hand clapping his shoulders with a concerned look.</p>
<p>“Probably because of your stinky breath from eating those onions, Lucas.”</p>
<p>“Fuck you, Yuta. I’m not talking to you.”</p>
<p>“Guys, please, Johnny’s already stressed enough for some unknown reason so stop acting like damn children bickering— Ow! Lucas, what the hell?” Jungwoo jerks from the sudden slap on his arm. He rubbed the part Lucas had slapped before throwing him a nasty look. “What the hell was that for?“</p>
<p>Lucas bows his head, eyes suddenly focusing on the utensils in front of him in an attempt to avoid someone inside the room, and hisses, “Shut it, they’re here!”</p>
<p>Johnny watches as Jungwoo and Yuta’s eyes go as wide as saucers, mimicking Lucas’ actions which makes the table uncharacteristically silent for the very first time. His friends are saying something, probably talking to him, and whispering to each other but his mind is somewhere else. He looks around the room to observe, to see if people around them are doing the same, to see what made Yuta, Lucas, and Jungwoo behave in an unrecognized behavior. He then notices some students looking at something, or rather someone, Johnny isn’t sure, eyes carefully following the subject’s movements.</p>
<p>It wasn’t hard for Johnny to know what exactly got almost everyone silent in their seats. It was quiet easy for him to spot a group of guys clad in tight plain black shirts underneath the leather jackets and jeans matched with some sneakers. They stick out like sore thumbs as the group make everyone else in the room look painfully plain and dull.</p>
<p>
  <em>Just what do these people have that made people act like this?</em>
</p>
<p>They sauntered into the room, earning both terrified, curious, and amazed looks from their fellow students as they get closer and closer to where Johnny and his friends are sitting. Everyone from the group looks different yet similar in their own ways, emitting the same yet unique atmospheres that make them distinct from each other.</p>
<p>But it’s not really their looks that got Johnny on the edge of his seat. It was mainly because of the two guys in the small group of three people.</p>
<p>The first one was tall and chic, eyes almost shooting daggers at whatever his eyes land on, including Johnny who almost cowers in fear. The guy is absolutely looking like he was not meant to be in that room. He looks flawlessly sophisticated and elegant, like those people posing in front of cameras and having their faces plastered on those reading materials Johnny forgot the name of, with his pointy right ear that makes him look like those magical creatures children books usually have.</p>
<p><em>It’s unfair</em>, Johnny thinks, taking in the powerful energy the guy emits.</p>
<p>But when his eyes land on the two other figures walking a few steps behind the first guy, both giving off the equally intimidating energy, he swears he felt a sudden jolt in his chest. It’s not physical pain, more like a strong tug in his chest as an enormous wave of emotion takes over his body. He watches the two other guys walk with purpose into his direction, probably to the empty table right behind Johnny, and that purpose is to mess up with his emotions.</p>
<p>
  <em>Jaehyun and Ten.</em>
</p>
<p>Johnny stops himself from lurching himself to the unsuspecting brown haired guy walking behind the first guy with a hard look on his face, one hand holding a single notebook and pen. He wasn’t wearing a bag like his friends, and he looks as if he comes to class with nothing but his notebook and pen.</p>
<p>It irritates Johnny how proud he looks as he walks in with his friends.</p>
<p>It’s hard for him to sit still, body going rigid as his friends try everything to avoid catching the guys’ attention. How his damned, unbothered half-brother walks freely in front of him really pisses him off to no end. How dare Jaehyun exude that confidence when he was the reason why Johnny, <em>Youngho</em>, the previous prince, the previous heir to the throne of the supposed to be the most powerful era in history, had to suffer a lot all for his selfishness.</p>
<p>How dare he stride with much power and pride when he was a huge coward who became the sole reason for the fall of the Seo Empire.</p>
<p>He was the first reason why he and Dongyoung suffered. The reason why he had to feel like he wasn’t able to live life according to his plans, to be with Dongyoung.</p>
<p>It really pisses Johnny off, but the more he thinks of how to get back to his half-brother, the more it gets clearer to him that dwelling in the past wouldn’t change what happened.</p>
<p>No matter how much he wants to punch Jaehyun square in the face, it wouldn’t bring back Dongyoung. And to be fair, the Jaehyun today is not the Jaehyun before. It wasn’t the present Jaehyun’s fault and it would be unfair for him to be attacked when he basically did nothing to Johnny, at least in this lifetime.</p>
<p>What good would it bring to Johnny aside from the temporary bliss?</p>
<p><em>Damn it</em>, he thinks as his thoughts made complete sense in his mind. But still, he doesn’t understand why these three guys got everyone on edge.</p>
<p>The guy, the Jaehyun of <em>this</em> lifetime, looks around as if sensing that someone is staring at him before his gaze lands on Johnny. The younger throws him a hard look with a jerk with his head as if to ask him what he wants. To Johnny’s defense, he wasn’t aware he’s already <em>glaring</em> at his former half-brother if it weren’t for Lucas nudging his arm while whispering and trying to look like he was busy looking for something inside his bag, “Johnny! Johnny what the fuck man, you are staring!”</p>
<p>Jungwoo plays with the burger in front of him, acting nonchalant when he’s in fact warning Johnny about what he’s doing. “Johnny, you need to stop staring at them. Nothing good comes from doing that,” he says through his almost closed mouth.</p>
<p>“What? I didn’t do anything!”</p>
<p>“You are staring, you idiot! That’s what you’re doing,” Yuta whispers.</p>
<p>“I have eyes for a reason, Yuta. What am I supposed to do then?”</p>
<p>Before his friend could retaliate, a basketball gets smacked on the back of his head so hard Yuta yelped in pain. The three of them stopped to tower over their sitting figures, and the guy holding the ball, who looks exactly like <em>Ten</em>, playfully rests his left arm on Yuta’s head. He glances down at Yuta’s flushed face who is obviously trying so hard not to say and do anything to catch even more attention from the group.</p>
<p>“Got a problem with us, Nakamoto?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“As you should be.”</p>
<p>Even though Johnny spent a few minutes talking with the short with jet black hair guy hundreds of years ago, he can easily remember him as one of the last guys he’s seen in his two previous lives.</p>
<p>The guy who is taunting Yuta is none other than <em>Ten</em>, <em>he has to be</em>, the rudest from the duo, the insensitive one who doesn’t care about Johnny’s feelings hundreds of years ago.</p>
<p>It’s hard to forget the face of the person who seemed to be always <em>there</em> when everything’s about to end. The man’s role in his life is still unclear, but Johnny knows it’s important. He knows that this guy, and the blond one who’s always with him have the answers to this never-ending questions.</p>
<p> <em>What happened? Why was he being punished when it was supposed to be a gift from the goddess? Was everything a dream, then?</em></p>
<p>Only Ten can answer these.</p>
<p>“What are you glaring at?” the short guy, Ten, questions him with a knowing look on his face. He looks as intimidating as his friends, no hint of pity and sorrow Johnny used to see from him.</p>
<p>“Johnny, you idiot!” Lucas pulls his head down, resulting in him yelping in sudden pain on his neck. But instead of following what his friends are doing, he forces himself to look up at Ten again, this time with the determination to get straight to the point.</p>
<p>“It’s you. You are that guy who is always with that slightly taller guy with blond hair, right?” he asks, earning questioning looks both his and the guy’s friends.</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“What are you doing here? Why am I here? Is this another blessing you mentioned those hundreds of years ago? Are you—“</p>
<p>He gets cut off by Yuta kicking him under the table, eyes looking at him in confusion before glancing at the three guys standing behind him. “I’m sorry about him and his nonsense. My friend isn’t in his best condition to talk to people.”</p>
<p>The chic looking guy ignores him and places a hand on Ten’s arm and asks, “Do you know this person, Ten?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Johnny frowns, already detecting the obvious denial on his tone and face, but it doesn’t stop him from asking again, “Where am I exactly? How many years have already passed since the last time we saw each other? Is Dongyoung still here in this lifetime?” His eyes are wide, hopeful, praying and praying to whoever’s looking over them that he’d get the answers in this lifetime. But Ten only stared at him, confusion plastered across his face.</p>
<p>“He’s gone mental. Let’s go,” the tall, chic guy glares at Johnny before grabbing the shortest away from them and into a table near the very back of the room, with <em>Jaehyun</em> tailing the two without giving him a glance.</p>
<p>And then he’s left with Yuta, Lucas, and Jungwoo looking at him like he’s grown two extra heads.</p>
<p>“Johnny, what the hell was that?” questions Jungwoo.</p>
<p>“What? Am I not supposed to talk to him like that? I just want him to answer me!” he defends himself.</p>
<p>“You’re not supposed to talk to him at all! Or anyone from his group of friends!” Jungwoo replies, eyes cautiously looking at the group in front of him.</p>
<p>“What do you mean? They can’t be that bad, right?”</p>
<p>The three of them look at each other, as if Johnny just said the most ridiculous thing ever. Well, he probably did, but he’s technically new in this lifetime so he absolutely do not know the extent of their relationship.</p>
<p>Jungwoo shakes his head and looks at Yuta. “I don’t know what’s happening but your friend here needs help about that group.”</p>
<p>“He’s your friend too!”</p>
<p>“Not anymore.”</p>
<p>“Oh for goodness sake, Johnny!” Lucas exclaims, hands rubbing his face in frustration. “Listen, those guys? They’re not the type of people you can easily mess with. They’re bad news. They’re in this gang I forgot the name of, and I do not know what they actually do but being in one already says something,” he clicks his tongue in disappointment.</p>
<p>“I heard that Ten’s grandfather was the founder of the mafia gang operating in the neighboring city. There’s so many rumors circulating around each member but I do not know how true that is and asking people about it is clearly not in the options,” Jungwoo chimes in with a hard expression on his face. “Just don’t ask questions. Don’t be curious. Do not engage with their group.”</p>
<p>It is still hard for Johnny to process every single information he learns in this world. Gangs are somewhat like the rebel groups his trusted general hunts down to keep the peace in his kingdom, Johnny thinks.</p>
<p>“They are in a gang?” But aren’t gang members supposed to be tall and bulky and scary? Aren’t they supposed to have scars and tattoos all over their skin?  “But they are so <em>tiny,” </em>he whispers the last part as he discreetly tries to glance at the group behind them.</p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up, Sicheng is huge.”</p>
<p>Johnny, Jungwoo, and Lucas all look at Yuta with disgust on their faces.</p>
<p>“Yuta, what the <em>fuck</em>.”</p>
<p>Sometimes, Johnny wishes he’s not feeling well enough to deal with this.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>Seo Youngho, or Johnny Suh as what people call him here, is the only son of a former news writer and florist who has a strange fascination with English names. They want him to succeed in the field they have chosen for him to major in, Journalism, and they think giving him a new name will make it easier for him to take job opportunities outside their small town.</p>
<p>It doesn’t make sense, really, how changing a name could get you a special spot in the industry. But right now, he learned how to embrace his new name, not dwell on minute things, and to exert all his energy in finding the answers to his questions.</p>
<p>It’s been days since the first time he got sucked into another lifetime again, especially in a modernized world he didn’t know was possible to exist. It’s been days since the first time he attended his classes in this small university with his fellow students, a much different experience for him as he’s used to getting private classes with the best tutors in town.</p>
<p>He had already adapted to his new life and started living as the Johnny Suh majoring in Journalism. But despite all these new information he had to learn again and again, the thought of one person still lingers in his mind.</p>
<p>He heaves a heavy sigh, hand scratching the back of his head as he tries to think of ideas on how to look for Kim Dongyoung in this lifetime. He stops to stand in front of his locker situated in their department’s hallway only to be distracted by the sight of his former half-brother going out of the lecture room on the opposite side of the hallway.</p>
<p>Jaehyun is talking to an extremely familiar looking guy, both of them dressed in black leather jackets and bell bottom jeans. The two are talking about something serious, if the slight frown on the former’s face is any indication. The frown on his face gets deeper as he spots Johnny unconsciously glaring at him like he just did the most inhumane thing in the world.</p>
<p>“What are you looking at, punk?” Jaehyun jerks his head to his direction, now fully aware at how Johnny glares at him. Instead of replying, Johnny takes a few seconds to just stare more at the proud guy standing by the opposite rows of lockers a few meters away from him, ignoring the other guy in the process, before facing his own locker with a tired sigh.</p>
<p>Before he could fully open his locker to take his books and notes out, a hand slams it close, almost getting his fingers stuck in between. He sees Jaehyun standing beside him, hands slamming the locker door shut every time Johnny attempts to ignore him.</p>
<p>“What’s your problem, Suh?”</p>
<p>“What’s <em>your</em> problem? I’m not the who came here to bother someone, am I?” he spits, matching the hard look Jaehyun is giving him. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a class to attend.”</p>
<p>Jaehyun slams the door once again, but this time making Johnny flinch at the loud noise it made. Thankfully, the hallway’s empty and not enough students are present to witness whatever fight’s about to happen between two students from different social classes.</p>
<p>“Watch your damn mouth, Suh. Don’t think you can easily—“</p>
<p>“Jaehyun, stop it,” the guy who is with Jaehyun finally speaks up, a hand pressed against Jaehyun’s chest to calm him down. Now that Johnny is closer and has a clearer view of the blond guy, a somewhat similar color Jungwoo has, memories he had of the guy talking about how he supposedly pissed off the goddess flash in his mind.</p>
<p>He forgot about Jaehyun for a moment, and focuses on how lucky he is at the fact that he has both Ten and this guy together in one group of friends since it would be easy for him to track them both together.</p>
<p>“He’s not worth it, Jaehyun,” he continues, a hand shoving the younger away from Johnny. “Go to your next class before you get dropped out of it again.”</p>
<p>“But <em>Kun</em>—“</p>
<p>“Go.”</p>
<p>Jaehyun seems to listen to this guy well, giving Johnny one last shove on the shoulder with his own as he walk past him. Johnny waits for Jaehyun to get out of earshot before pointing an accusatory finger at him.</p>
<p>“It’s you! I know it’s you. You are that guy who is always with Ten!” he exclaims, earning a few glances from a few students still lingering around the almost empty hallway. “So you’re Kun, huh? Can you finally tell me what’s happening instead of telling me again and again that I pissed off the goddess?”</p>
<p>The guy looks around them, as if looking out for suspecting students trying to listen to their conversation.</p>
<p>“And don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know you and Ten know something. You can’t pretend like—“</p>
<p>“Keep your mouth shut before I knock you out, <em>Johnny</em>,” the former prince blinks at the sudden outburst. He watches the shorter look around him once again, before hissing, “Don’t say anything and follow me.”</p>
<p>It was enough for him to purse his lips and let Kun lead the way to a secluded part of the building. Classes are starting but Johnny couldn’t care less anymore. He doesn’t care about his next class anymore since this seems to be more important than anything as of this moment.</p>
<p>Without uttering a word to each other, they stop at the door with a “For Maintenance Staff Only” sign on the door. Kun pushes it open, letting him in first before shutting the door and locking it.</p>
<p>“Johnny you fucking moron,” Johnny turns around and sees Ten standing by the tall cabinets of cleaning supplies, body leaning on it with his hands on his waist. “Why the fuck did you do that?”</p>
<p>“Do what?”</p>
<p>Ten rolls his eyes, pushing himself off the wall to stand beside Kun who is now sitting on the piles of paint cans on the low table. “After all these hundreds of years, you’re still a fucking moron. Did you think provoking Jaehyun was a good idea?”</p>
<p>He knew yet acted like he didn’t the first time they met.</p>
<p>“Just looking at Jaehyun pisses me off.”</p>
<p>“Well, stop it. There’s no reason for you to act like that.”</p>
<p>“You know damn well why I’m like this at him, <em>Ten</em>. Did you forget what he did to Kim Dongyoung?”</p>
<p>“Of course I didn’t! I was there when it happened!”</p>
<p>“Then why didn’t you do something?! Why did you let Dongyoung die!?” Johnny’s fists clenches into tight balls, his mind automatically playing that particular moment. He doesn’t mean to sound like he’s blaming either Ten and Kun for what happened, because he knows in reality that he could only blame Jaehyun, the goddess, and himself for it, but the opportunity was there for him to blame something, <em>someone</em> aside from both the siblings.</p>
<p>He couldn’t walk up to the Jaehyun of this lifetime and blame him for something this version of himself didn’t do. The past already happened, there’s no way he could go back and fix all the mess. But in that time, he needed a thing, a person, anything physical to blame.</p>
<p>But he knows it’s wrong.</p>
<p>“Even if we do, the Goddess won’t still let that happen. If it was that easy for us to intervene, all of us won’t be here,” Ten replies back, a hint of regret and guilt and hurt lacing his voice. “Did you think we wouldn’t do anything to stop your stupid brother from doing it? Did you think we wouldn’t do anything to stop Dongyoung from drinking that poisoned rice wine? We tried, Youngho, but there’s really nothing we could do during that time.”</p>
<p>Kun stands up from his spot to put a hand on Ten’s shoulder. “Ten, Johnny, that’s enough. We aren’t here to discuss whose to blame for this,” he starts, trying to calm both of their emotions down. “And Johnny, I know what your main goal is so if you don’t focus and get sidetracked by getting in a mess with Jaehyun, we won’t be able to get you, <em>us</em>, out of this never-ending loophole.”</p>
<p>Johnny closes his eyes with a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry. I really am. I just feel like my emotions are at its peak as of this moment.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine. I know it’s been hard for you, Johnny.”</p>
<p>Ten huffs. “Are we really going to discuss things in the maintenance room?”</p>
<p>Kun gives him a look. “Yes, because we’re running out of time.”</p>
<p>Johnny leans on the table near the broken window, eyes landing on the two strange guys in front of him who seems to have the answers to all of his questions.</p>
<p>Ten stays silent for a few minutes, probably contemplating on something before looking at him with a small smile. “I’m sorry for my outburst, John. It seems like my emotions too are at its peak. But congratulations. At least it only took you 95 years to find this lifetime.”</p>
<p>His eyes widen in surprise. “I’m sorry, what?”</p>
<p>“It took you 274 years to wake up to your new life as the landowner’s son, and it only took you 95 years to find this one. That’s a lot of improvement right there, to be completely honest. Not everyone can find it that fast as some takes them half of a millennium, or even a thousand years to find a lifetime that matches with someone their soul is connected with,” Ten starts, eyes finding Kun’s to ask for permission to continue, to spill whatever they know about what’s happening to Johnny and Dongyoung.</p>
<p>The blond gives him a small nod with a look, kind of saying to be careful with his words. “What I’m trying to say is that you are still lucky in that aspect as it took us almost 300 years to find the first one, then another 70 and yet another 150 to—“</p>
<p>Kun clapped his hands once to catch Johnny’s attention, who looks distracted enough to notice what Ten just said. “Okay, what Ten wants to say is that there’s hope in your case. And I know you have millions of questions so now’s the right time for you to ask us.”</p>
<p>“Who are you two?”</p>
<p>“We’re two individuals with a mission to help you get out of here,” Ten replies.</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“I’m not answering that.”</p>
<p>Johnny sighs. “Then why…why him? Why do we have to go through all of these? Why do we have to keep on repeating these similar yet different situations? Like…like I keep on reliving these moments where I had to watch him go. What did I do?”</p>
<p>Millions of thoughts consume his mind. It feels great to voice out the questions he’s meaning to ask years ago. He wants to know why it has to be him, why it has to be Dongyoung of all people.</p>
<p>“I don’t understand anything. He dies in every lifetime I get sucked into. Why can’t it be me?”</p>
<p>“Because you messed up big time, Seo Youngho,” Kun’s look hardens as he watches his own hands clenching on his lap in tension. “There’s a reason why we didn’t tell you, and it’s because we don’t want you to blame yourself more than you actually do.”</p>
<p>“Kun..”</p>
<p>“It’s fine, Ten. He deserves to know everything,” Kun finally looks at him, eyes searching for his own lost ones with a purpose of giving comfort he wasn’t able to give him hundreds of years ago.</p>
<p>“Crowned Prince Youngho of the Kingdom of Hanseong, the first son of Queen Mira and King Taejo of the Seo clan, first heir to the throne, the future king of the country,” Kun says, standing up in the process to walk closer to Johnny. “You were supposed to be a legendary king, powerful enough to be in every history books to be studied by the future generations. You were supposed to be born on the tenth, during the first full moon of the year but was instead born two minutes short on a half moon. You were to live a cursed life but it got worse when Kim Dongyoung got involved.”</p>
<p>Ten interjects, “The first time you saved him was the moment you put yourself into bigger trouble.”</p>
<p>“That was during Lady Choi’s false accusation right?”</p>
<p>“Wrong. It was during the moment you met him in the market.”</p>
<p>Johnny glances at Ten then to Kun, waiting for either of them to answer because he would never think there was something bad about to happen during that day.</p>
<p>“It was written in the stars, that day was going to be his final day. A drunk man was supposed to be there and cause a scene in the store and hurt both Jeno and Dongyoung, but you came a minute earlier than the man. That alone was the moment you saved his life,” Ten dust off his jeans and crossed his legs. “The Goddess gave you another chance in the form of a ritual. But you saved him again.”</p>
<p>“A punishment for saving his life. You said what she’s giving me is a gift. Why does this feel like a punishment, then?”</p>
<p>Kun shakes his head, “It is a gift. Well, Ten and I like to think of it as a gift as this is like a chance for you to find a solution so you would get to spend a life with Dongyoung. We want to help you find a solution, for this to finally stop because we know how difficult it is for you and Dongyoung.”</p>
<p>Johnny looks at everything but at Ten and Kun, his eyes threatening to spill the tears he’s been holding for years. He just want to find Dongyoung, put an end to it, and live a harmonious life with him.</p>
<p>It’s too much. He has a lot in mind, he’s confused, he’s tired, drained, absolutely clueless on what to do next. He just wants to see Dongyoung, see him in a good state. He doesn’t care about what his relationship with Dongyoung in this lifetime anymore.</p>
<p>He wants Dongyoung to just be safe, alive, living his life to the fullest unlike the two previous lives he had.</p>
<p>“Why are you helping me?”</p>
<p>“Because we’re all the same, Youngho,” Ten glances at Kun who is taking his time playing with the hem of his shirt after the statement. “Kun and I will help you, even if it means altering everyone’s memories in here just to fit in.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t deserve to have Ten and Kun in this situation. If Taeil isn’t here to keep him grounded, to remind him that this isn’t just a sick joke his mind is playing, at least he has Ten and Kun to help him going.</p>
<p>“Is he even here?”</p>
<p>Kun heaves a long sigh and lifts his eyes to look right at Johnny’s. “Johnny, try not to make the same mistake again. Be wary of your words and actions. We still don’t know why it still keeps on happening but we just want to tell you to please be careful.”</p>
<p>Johnny nods.</p>
<p>“We promise to help you.”</p>
<p>He don’t know where and how to start thanking Kun and Ten for just being here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Weeks have passed and he’s yet to meet Kim Dongyoung in this lifetime. He honestly doesn’t know where to start looking as Kun and Ten tries so hard to ignore his questions. They supply him with all the other things they know about the Goddess and whatever necessary information there is for him to learn about his life as Johnny Suh and the new people surrounding them, but never <em>ever</em> about Dongyoung.</p>
<p>He’s still getting those quick flashbacks and it’s been much easier for him to adjust and learn from all these new things.</p>
<p>He’s slowly starting to lose hope, thinking that this is probably the final life he’ll ever have, but every time he tries to voice out his negative thoughts, Ten would just straight up smack him right at the back of his head with whatever he’s holding.</p>
<p>He continues to hang out with Yuta, Jungwoo, and Lucas, attend his classes, and ignore Kun and Ten’s group of friends like what they advised him to.</p>
<p>His life’s getting a bit organized and peaceful for following their pieces of advice (mainly ignoring the existence of Jaehyun), and the mere fact that he has Kun and Ten secretly helping him all these past few days were enough for him.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home?” Jungwoo had asked earlier before they exited the east building and into the hallway near the exit door. “Lucas will be sleeping over, maybe you’d like to join?”</p>
<p>“It’s fine, Woo. I need to finish a project due this weekend. I’ll join next time,” he replied before adjusting the strap of his bag and burying his hand inside his jean pockets to get ready to run to the nearest diner under the rain.</p>
<p>And that’s how he got himself stuck in the lobby of the engineering building, hands patting his hair, bag, and shirt dry while continuously checking if the rain isn’t heavy enough for him to continue his run out of the university. Even though his time here is uncertain, he still found himself diligently attending all his classes and studying for his upcoming exams.</p>
<p>He’s on way to this old diner near the community park so he could start with the readings his professor gave him, but since it looks like the heavy rain won’t stop any time soon, he’s stuck in the engineering building with his fellow students waiting by the lobby too.</p>
<p>He goes to the opposite side of the building to head to the library instead, eager to finish the tasks, but when he was about to round a corner, the one near the hallway connecting the building to the arts building which also connects to the main building where the library is, he gets dragged backwards by his forearm to an equipment’s room, the person’s hand holding him so tight he feels like the blood circulation stopped.</p>
<p>“Hey! What are you doing—“ he flinches when he gets shoved inside and the door gets slammed by the person, face contorting into a frown from the impact.</p>
<p>“What do you think you’re doing!?” Johnny asks, eyes adjusting to the dark room.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry about that. Someone almost saw us so I had to drag you in here,” a familiar voice apologizes, back facing him as the former pats his own clothes and bag dry. Johnny waits for him to turn around, heart thumping violently in his chest at the sudden idea his mind is getting crazy over.</p>
<p>It’s a wild thought, to be honest, but the man in front of him is taking all his damn time patting his clothes and bag dry. The guy clicks his tongue one more time, shoving whatever paper he’s holding back into his bag.</p>
<p>“Huh.”</p>
<p>The guy turns around, almost automatically making Johnny’s knees wobble and hands shake. Standing in front of him is none other than Kim Dongyoung, clad in plain black leather jacket, similar to what Jaehyun and his friends usually wear, matched with denim jeans and white converse. Small tattoos decorated his milky white skin, silver earrings adorned his lips, his gelled hair lying messily on top of his head.</p>
<p>He looks different yet the same. He knows he is still the neat, smart and witty Kim Dongyoung he met despite his appearance that associates him with delinquent people.</p>
<p>A calloused hand reaches for his own, big doe eyes staring at him in concern. “Johnny, are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”</p>
<p>Johnny feels warm all over his body. Even if Dongyoung is sporting that intimidating look in this lifetime, he could still feel the warmth, the comfort, and the familiarity the younger emits, automatically making him feel like they were still in their first lifetime meeting each other again.</p>
<p>“You’re spacing out again. I heard from someone that Mrs. Tang almost caught you staring into space during her class. Have you not learned about what happened the first time you—” he yelps in surprise when Johnny pulls him into a tight hug, arms securely wrapping around his waist with Johnny’s face buried on the crook of his neck.</p>
<p>The former prince doesn’t know the extent of their relationship here, as always, but he couldn’t care less anymore, not when he’s finally with the same person he was destined to meet again and again and again. He could be Dongyoung’s friend here, or a mere acquaintance, a lover, or perhaps an enemy, but then again, he could be a damned stranger to Dongyoung and none of those would ever matter.</p>
<p>But what really surprised him was the tight hug Dongyoung is giving him back as he whispers “Did you really miss me that much?” with a small chuckle.</p>
<p>“Where have you been?” Johnny asks, trying hard to hide his face so Dongyoung wouldn’t see him looking like he’s about to cry.</p>
<p>“I was out of town. My grandmother wanted me to meet some of our relatives from China. I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to inform you, Johnny,” he explains, hand slowly lifting up Johnny’s face so they could face each other. If the hug was surprising to Johnny, then the peck on the lips Dongyoung gave him broke him.</p>
<p>The peck is apparently not enough as he watches the younger cupping his face, squeezing it together and puckering his lips in the process. It’s easier for Dongyoung to give him a kiss like this, then another one, and another playful bite on the former prince’s bottom lip.</p>
<p>“What—” Dongyoung stands on his tiptoes to give him another kiss on the lips, his lips molding with Dongyoung’s like how they’re supposed to.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I really can’t get enough of you, Johnny,” he looks at him with that gummy smile of his and Johnny swears he almost swoon at the sight. “I missed you <em>too</em>. Even without telling me anything, I know you miss me.”</p>
<p>Johnny smiles, hands resting comfortably on Dongyoung’s lower back. “Are you really that good at reading my mind?”</p>
<p>“Of course, I am. How do you think I knew about how obsessed you are with me after the first time we exchanged words in the lecture room?” Dongyoung teases.</p>
<p>“Then what do you think am I thinking right now?” he challenges, a small smile adorning his face.</p>
<p>Dongyoung pretends to think and looks up at him, humming in the process. “That you love me.”</p>
<p>His heart swells at the sight of Dongyoung looking up at him with that smile and look in his eyes that made him fell in love with the younger. “You’re right. I’m really thinking about how much I love you.”</p>
<p>Doyoung cups his face once again, but this time gentler, right thumb caressing Johnny’s cheek. “I know, Johnny. I know.”</p>
<p>This cleared things between them. And it is enough. More than enough. There’s nothing Johnny could ask for in that moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>There is nothing Johnny likes about being stuck in the lecture room to take a removal exam for that one class he’s struggling with. He’s not particularly the type to struggle in class, he just absolutely loathe his advanced math classes so much his failing grade can’t even motivate him to do better. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Firstly, he can’t understand why he has to take it. Shouldn’t he take classes like asian literature, or sketching, or anything remotely related to arts? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Secondly, he hates getting these removal exams because of that one guy who likes to sit two chairs away from him on his right. He doesn’t</em>
  <em> seem to</em>
  <em> understand how someone like him look so beautiful and scary and extremely annoying at the same time. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He hates being in this lecture room with the tattooed guy from the engineering department because he has nowhere to hide his reddening face, and has nothing to do to keep himself busy except rummage through his empty bag, as if looking for something. </em>
</p>
<p>Where’s his professor anyway?</p>
<p>
  <em>He hates being inside that room because he can literally feel the guy burning holes on the side of his face, staring at him so deep as if there’s nothing else to state at. Johnny feels uncomfortable because of the extremely attractive guy staring at him like there’s no tomorrow.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Can you stop staring?”</em>
</p>
<p><em>“I’m not staring at you, dumbass.” He isn’t looking at Kim Doyoung but he knows he is staring. He knows it, he can feel it but he </em>can’t<em> look at him. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>He doesn’t understand how he always gets stuck with Kim Doyoung in this room, always just the two of them taking the removal exams even though they take the same class from the same teacher but with different schedules.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He finally glances at the guy and catches him staring at him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You are staring.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah, whatever. What about it?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Stop it.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Then why are you looking at me like that?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Like what?” Johnny’s face shifts into a frown.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Like you’re in love with me or something.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Johnny scuffs, rolling his eyes as he turns his back on Doyoung. “Stop spluttering bullshit, Doyoung.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His face reddens, for the nth time, wishing for the floor to open up and swallow him whole. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s cute. I’d like to see you more in this room, Johnny.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You wish, Kim.” Johnny says with pure loathe in his voice but still finds his way spending his Friday afternoons in this lecture room with no one else but Kim Doyoung.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Johnny spent the whole week questioning how real the previous events were because the days he spent with Dongyoung were confusing for him as the younger literally dedicated all his extra time kissing and hugging and being all clingy with him.</p>
<p>He rarely sees him in university and only gets to hang out with him after class. He still doesn’t get that much memory with Dongyoung in this lifetime so he goes to his friends to get some information.</p>
<p>“Kim Dongyoung is in a gang? I thought he’s just in the same circle of friends with Ten?”</p>
<p>“It’s Doyoung. Kim Doyoung. He changed his name last year, remember?” Yuta corrects as he picks on the salad he’s eating. “And people in the same circle tend to share  the same interest, so it won’t be a surprise if he’s really in one.”</p>
<p>Jungwoo nods. “But unlike his friends, he doesn’t fight people, doesn’t smoke, and doesn’t drink. He literally just watches his friends do stupid shits.”</p>
<p>Johnny sighs in relief. When he knew about Dongyoung, or <em>Doyoung</em>, apparently being in a gang, it worries him that it might be the reason for <em>it </em>to happen again. But the confirmation that he’s nothing but a cool guy just hanging out with his <em>gang</em> friends calms his nerves.</p>
<p>“Kun is the coolest in the group in my opinion. Many said he’s won many fights so it makes sense that he became the leader of that gang,” Lucas interjects, taking a sip of his cartooned juice.</p>
<p>“Jaehyun is the coolest for me. You literally pee in fear every time he glances your way,” Jungwoo comments.</p>
<p>“Man, have you seen Ten? He’s tiny but he can literally end you with just his look. He’s lethal!” Yuta exclaims.</p>
<p>Johnny smirks, knowing that Ten and Kun probably altered their memories to fit in.</p>
<p>“But no one knows that much about Doyoung. He’s kept himself only to his friends. He’s a mystery and that makes him hotter,” Johnny almost chokes on the sandwich he’s eating, eyes bulging at Jungwoo’s words.</p>
<p>“Excuse me?”</p>
<p>“He may be a dick but I’m not blind. Kim Doyoung is a fine man.”</p>
<p>Lucas nods his head in agreement. “Everyone in that group is fine as hell, I tell you. I would’ve hit on Jaehyun and Sicheng if they weren’t such big asses.”</p>
<p>“No, fuck off. Sicheng is mine,” Yuta throws a piece of fries on Lucas’ direction.</p>
<p>Jungwoo laughs, “I can never understand your obsession with Sicheng, Yuta.”</p>
<p>“No one asked you to. Besides, everyone agrees with me in this. They are famous for a reason. They don’t look like your typical gang members you see on the sketchy part of the town. They simply look like models you see on magazine,” Yuta shrugs, then points his fork in Johnny’s direction nonchalantly before he continues, “If I didn’t know about Dongyoung’s image in this uni, I would’ve thought he’s a top student or a student leader of the anti-bullying organization because—<em>what</em>,” he suddenly stops, eyes following the figure moving behind Johnny.</p>
<p>“Why the hell is he coming over?” Lucas whispers, and Jungwoo, Yuta, and Johnny look at the figure coming over with a determined look on his face.</p>
<p>“Suh,” Kim Doyoung calls, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Meet me at the lot. It’s for the removal exam.”</p>
<p>Doyoung exits the cafeteria without waiting for an answer, effectively leaving the four dumbfounded.</p>
<p>
  <em>“What was that?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Doyoung knows you? Are you in trouble now?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“He says it’s for the removal exam, you idiot!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh damn, I didn’t know you’re still failing your advanced math.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Wait, well I didn’t know you’re still taking that class! I thought you’re done with it last semester?”</em>
</p>
<p>Doyoung couldn’t just make a more believable excuse, Johnny thinks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>The hot, wet kiss lingering on the spot right above his collarbone feels familiar. Hands rub the sides of his torso down to his thighs, leaving his naked body shiver at the touch. He remembers the familiar feeling of his body yearning for Doyoung’s touch, shaking and twisting at the absence. Johnny doesn’t consider himself as the needy and clingy type, but when he’s under Doyoung’s spells, literally under him and sprawled on the younger’s unmade bed, he get’s intoxicated, and wants nothing but to get touched in every part of his body.</p>
<p>He remembers spending his free time and weekends in Doyoung’s house, watching the sunset on the roof, talking until the night becomes too cold for them to stay outside, and spending the rest of the night tangled in each other’s limbs. It started when they decided to study for their second removal exam in this same room, followed by another one when Doyoung invited him over dinner, until it became a routine for them. It’s also inevitable not to develop some special relationship between them, conventionally becoming boyfriends behind everyone’s back.</p>
<p>He remembers all the moments he spent sneaking out of the lecture room to meet with Doyoung somewhere, may it be in an unused janitor’s closet, the supplies room, the radio club’s empty meeting room, or the bathroom.</p>
<p>“I’d gladly skip classes if it means getting to spend the time with you like this,” Doyoung had once said during on of their bathroom escapades in the middle of their classes. He was sitting on the sink, legs spread with Johnny in between.</p>
<p>“You just love feeling tall like this,” Johnny had teased as he looks up at Doyoung before pulling his head down and capturing his lips.</p>
<p>“Probably. I like it when you look up at me like this.”</p>
<p>“Just grow taller,” He chuckles.</p>
<p> It has become a habit, and the feelings they’ve had for each other that were shoved under the carpet were resurfacing.</p>
<p>“Are you getting tired?” Doyoung had once asked during their meet up disguised as a study session in his room one day.</p>
<p>Johnny looked up at him for a brief second, mind fully focused on his notes. “Of what?”</p>
<p>“This. Keeping this from everyone. I’m sorry if I had to ask you to keep this a secret.”</p>
<p>The older sighed, putting down his pen to hold Doyoung’s hands. “Love, we can be whatever you want us to be. I don’t care about this being private. As long as you’re with me, I’m fine.”</p>
<p><em>It’s more than fine,</em> he thought.</p>
<p>Johnny bites back a groan when he feels Doyoung licking the bruised spot on his neck, his hands instinctively tugging the latter’s black hair and his back arching in pleasure.</p>
<p>“Doyoung,” he moans, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of Doyoung’s warm hand wrapping around him. “Please…”</p>
<p>“Be loud, baby. Let me know how much I make you feel good,” and with that, Johnny goes shameless in getting vocal, screaming and moaning Doyoung’s name while their breathing harmonize with each other. The rest of the night was spent making love and making up to the time they didn’t spend together while they were in their midterms week.</p>
<p>Doyoung collapses on top of him as he struggles to catch his own breath. Johnny wraps his arms around his naked torso.</p>
<p>“Johnny,” he whispers, a hand drawing patterns on the older’s equally naked chest. “Did you know that when I first saw you, I immediately had a feeling that we knew each other? It really bothered me because it definitely feels like you were someone I knew a long time ago. I even asked Jaehyun who you were just to make sure.”</p>
<p>“So was I someone you knew before?” He chuckles.</p>
<p> “No. Definitely not. After my deliberate research, I came up with the conclusion that it was definitely my first time seeing you,” he chuckles, sending vibrations on Johnny’s chest. “There’s no way I’d forget someone with that handsome face like yours.”</p>
<p>Johnny only hums before replying, “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Doyoung lifts his head. “What are you apologizing for, silly?”</p>
<p>“Everything.”</p>
<p>Doyoung lifts himself off his chest to look at him straight in the eyes, both hands supporting his weight in either side of Johnny’s head. “I don’t know what you did but I’ve already forgiven you,” he kisses the corner of Johnny’s mouth, “In fact, it’s me who should be apologizing for keeping this from everyone. I, too, want to show you off to everyone, kiss you and hug you in public and call you mine if front of your friends but I don’t want to drag you in whatever reputation I have in uni. I wanted us to peacefully enjoy each other’s company.”</p>
<p>He smiles at his boyfriend, eyes full of understanding because really, he couldn’t care less about being public with Doyoung. “I can never get mad at you, love. I understand and I love you.”</p>
<p>“I know, Johnny. I know.”</p>
<p>He still hasn’t gotten any reply from Doyoung, but this is more than enough for Johnny.</p>
<p>Doyoung leans forward, his lips capturing Johnny’s one last time before lying on top of him and calling it a night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next time Johnny met Kun was during the last day of their finals week in a bar a few blocks away from the duo’s shared flat. Johnny found out about how and why Kun and Ten got involved in whatever business Johnny and Doyoung has, or more like a tipsy Kun shared everything he wants Johnny to know over a glass of alcohol.</p>
<p> Kun and Ten were also put in a similar situation. They met hundreds of years ago, and did the same again and again and again until it was too late for them to fix it. They ended up getting stuck in this endless cycle of <em>reincarnation</em> without even dying. And after they met Johnny, it was when they started randomly getting sucked into another lifetime, to where either Johnny or Doyoung were, and the two made use of the opportunity to help Johnny avoid the same mistakes they made before.</p>
<p>“The Goddess said our souls’ will to meet each other in the next lifetime again were too stubborn. Our fate was written in the stars, carved in the mountains the Goddess looks after – but our will to get connected again wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to pull us like a magnet. It just wasn’t too strong,” Kun had said, hands gripping the glass of beer while reminiscing. “We love each other so damn much but I guess we always didn’t get the right timing. And when we both realized and accepted the fact that we’re both in love with each other, it was too late. We’re hundreds of years too late.”</p>
<p>It was hard for Johnny to look at Kun without sympathy in his eyes. He didn’t realize there was a deeper reason why Kun and Ten seemed to always get attached on the hip.</p>
<p>“You were not supposed to be linked to Doyoung. But you altered what was supposed to be your fate and the Goddess found it fit to give you the same fate as Ten and I. The reason why you’re stuck in this never-ending cycle of waking up in a new version of yourself was the stubbornness of both your feelings and souls. Both of you were looking for a timeline that perfectly aligns with the other, or one that has both of you in it,” Kun looked at him straight in the eyes when Johnny was about to ask what he knows about his situation. “I remember meeting you in the lifetime after your first one, where you were the son of a tailor. Unfortunately, Doyoung wasn’t in that lifetime so your soul continued to look for one where he’s in it.”</p>
<p>“So this the third lifetime where we both existed, correct?”</p>
<p>“Yes. But Doyoung doesn’t have any idea about this. It’s only you, Ten, and I. You are now bound to each other. He’s bound to love you over and over again but he needs to accept his own feelings,” Kun took a sip of his beer before pushing the glass away and held him by the arms. “Tell him to let go of his worries. Tell him to be selfish, and to recognize his unconditional love he’s feeling for you. He loves you, Johnny. Right from the very start. But he’s afraid for some reason that only he knows. His acceptance is the only thing that will save the both of you from this.”</p>
<p>Johnny thinks about the all the things Kun had said. It had him thinking for days but only Doyoung holds the answer.</p>
<p>
  <em>Doyoung is afraid but of what? </em>
</p>
<p>“What are you thinking about?” Doyoung asks with his hands reaching for his on the table, effectively pulling Johnny out of his train of thoughts. “You’re spacing out again.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, just thinking about something.”</p>
<p>“Forget whatever that is. We are on a date. I should be the only person you’re thinking about right now,” Johnny smiles at the mock irritation Doyoung is showing and wraps his hands around Doyoung’s.</p>
<p>“I said something, not someone. Are you that jealous, my love?”</p>
<p>“Shut up. Go eat your steak, Johnny.”</p>
<p>Johnny nods with a hint of fascination on his face. Doyoung is seriously out of this world. “Stop frowning, love. I want to see your smile.”</p>
<p>Doyoung purses his lips in an attempt to hide the big smile about to adorn his face. But when Johnny reaches over him to pull the sides of his lips upwards, Doyoung smiles the biggest grin he’s ever given.</p>
<p>“Now that’s more like it. You know that I love you, right?”</p>
<p>“I know, Johnny. I know.”</p>
<p>Johnny hums, fork poking his steak.  “Doyoung, do you love me?”</p>
<p>Doyoung stops, eyes staring at his own plate before he looks up. “Where did that come from?”</p>
<p>Johnny stays silent since he honestly don’t know what to say next.</p>
<p>The younger reaches for his hand and says, “I <em>like</em> you, Johnny. I like you so much. Please remember that.”</p>
<p> Johnny looks up to him, instinctively locking both their hands. <em>Like</em>. Not love. It’s been like that since forever but this moment only thing that matters to Johnny.</p>
<p>“I will, Doyoung.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Out of all the lifetimes Johnny traveled to, this is probably the one where he spent the longest time. It’s been months since he started living as Johnny Suh the journalism major. It was inevitable for him to temporarily forget everything that has happened, and found himself focusing more on the present he has with Doyoung, his parents staying in another city for their work, his friends, and his classes he needs to pass.</p>
<p>His relationship with Doyoung continues to become a secret from everyone but that didn’t stop them from doing what they usually do. They continue to see each other, go on dates in the nearby beach, have midnight escapades in the nearest diner, and even see each other in the bathrooms in Johnny’s building.</p>
<p>All is well. Johnny couldn’t ask for more.</p>
<p>When it’s the finals week on his second semester, he got busier than the least time. His classes got more demanding, and has a lot of readings and projects to finish in just one class alone. It was tiring for sure, but it served as a good distraction for him. It made him feel like this was his life all along, and that none of those nightmares ever happened.</p>
<p>“I know you and Doyoung are dating, Johnny,” Yuta says out of here after Johnny settles in his seat in the cafeteria with them. He almost dropped the book he’s holding and the look on his face goes unnoticed. “Yeah, I saw you sucking each other’s faces outside your dorm. And you can’t tell me it wasn’t you because I heard him moaning your name.”</p>
<p>Lucas choked on the gimbap roll he’s eating. “Excuse me, what?! Johnny hooking up with Doyoung? Are you for real?”</p>
<p>“Doyoung and I aren’t hooking up,” Honestly, Johnny doesn’t know why he’s still spluttering bullshit. Instead of facing his friends and answering their questions, he buried his face on the thick book and pretended to read the contents. It is much better than entertaining whatever thoughts they’re having.</p>
<p>Yuta rolls his eyes and points his fork at him. “Man, I saw and heard you two last night. Also, it was past midnight, where the hell did you go?”</p>
<p>“What were you even doing outside Johnny’s dorm room, Yuta?”Jungwoo asks.</p>
<p>“I ran out of coffee and I planned on breaking into his room and steal some but after witnessing Doyoung dry humping our little Johnny outside his fucking room, I thought it would be better to just drink toilet water for my study session,” Yuta explains and  Johnny groans in discomfort.</p>
<p>Jungwoo slow claps and taps Johnny’s back. “Wow, I can’t believe our little Johnny is shagging the bad boy. What, are you going to join their gang now?”</p>
<p>“I’m not joining a gang, okay? I’m not into that kind of lifestyle. And besides, he’s not in one. Never been part of any either. He’s just friends with them. ”</p>
<p>“Okay, he didn’t deny the shagging part. Thanks for the confirmation, Johnny,” Lucas nods and he reaches over the table to tap Johnny’s shoulders so hard the latter flinched at the contact. The tallest groans, fully aware that there’s no going back now. He and Doyoung agreed to keep their relationship a secret but now that the cat is out of the box, asking his friends to do the same will be the only way for them to date peacefully.</p>
<p>“Okay, Doyoung and I are dating. But please, keep this between us four. I don’t want this spreading around since Doyoung and I mutually agreed to keep this from everyone,” he asks, looking at his best friends with a pleading look</p>
<p>Jungwoo smiles, the one that makes him look extra friendly. “Of course, John. We’ll help you protect your relationship with him. That’s what best friends are for.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, Jungwoo is right. You’re finally getting laid so there’s no way we’re sabotaging your plans, John,” Johnny glares at Lucas who just shrugged before shoving the remaining roll in his mouth.</p>
<p>“So where’s the next date? And no, you can’t deny that either because I heard you saying you’ll see him tomorrow,” Yuta raises his hand in front of Johnny’s face before the latter could even protest. The other two laugh while Johnny rubs groans in frustration.</p>
<p>“How much did you hear, you son of a—”</p>
<p>“But that’s romantic of you, Johnny. Let’s say, I’m more surprised at the fact that you’ve got a romantic bone in you than with Doyoung getting whiny with you.” But it’s true that the two of them are planning to meet at the local diner near the park tomorrow night. Finals week is about to end, and spending the remaining days with Doyoung will probably help him relax and destress.</p>
<p>He shakes his head in disappointment at his friend’s words, but nonetheless thankful for not judging him and being all supportive with his decision. He continues to read the book in front of him, ignoring the food Lucas and Jungwoo are offering to him.</p>
<p>“You need to eat something, Johnny. You’ve been too busy with your classes you can’t even drink a glass of water,” Yuta reprimands, shoving Jungwoo’s tray with a sandwich. “Studying on an empty stomach is proven to be ineffective. At least rest for a bit and take a bite of this sandwich Jungwoo got earlier.”</p>
<p>“I will after I—”</p>
<p>“Right now or I’m shoving the entire sandwich in your mouth.”</p>
<p>Lucas wiggles his eyebrows. “Yuta likes it kinky, eh?”</p>
<p>“Well, Sicheng likes it,” Johnny, Lucas, and Jungwoo look at each other.</p>
<p>“Yuta, what the fuck man.”</p>
<p>"Actually, let's not talk about that. Let's talk about something else, like this untouched moldy looking sandwich in Jungwoo’s tray,” Johnny says before unwrapping the sandwich.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“—and he even said <em>“You don’t belong here. I suggest you start looking for a new department.”</em>  I mean, what the hell is he so rude for? Who does he think he is to tell students that—<em>Hey</em>, Johnny, you okay?” Yuta stops ranting to look at his best friend sitting beside him in this empty lecture hall. It’s 10 minutes past five and all their classes are done for the day.<br/><br/>Johnny doesn’t answer so Yuta takes it as a sign to continue. “Teachers should really start considering our feelings because we came here to learn, not get humiliated by some fucking prick—man, are you sure you’re okay?”</p>
<p>“No. I feel like fainting,” Johnny only had a sour look on his face as he discreetly puts his hand over his stomach, afraid that he might put Yuta into a panic mode for something that will probably pass if he waits for another minute. He’s been feeling this weird grumbling in his stomach since last night and the pain just wouldn’t go away even after going on a trip to the restroom. His communications professor even had to ask him to go to the clinic but as stubborn as he is, he reassured that he’s not in pain anymore and that he’s more than okay now.</p>
<p>For him, a trip to the clinic is a waste of time since it is situated on the other side of the campus, meaning, he had to walk for a maximum of 10 minutes just to get there. He already disregarded the thought because as a struggling student who can’t even pass the fundamental classes, he doesn’t have the luxury to skip classes even if he really wants to.<br/><br/>“<em>Good</em>. Now back to what I’m saying earlier, Professor Cha is a huge asshole who needs to stop being a dick to students because he’s the main reason why I fucking hate my Financial Instruments Classes and he's fucking blaming me for failing my—shit, Johnny, are you really okay?”<br/><br/>“M-My stomach hurts s-so much,” This time, Johnny can no longer keep it as he curled in his seat, his hands instinctively wrapping itself around his stomach in an attempt to lessen the pain. Yuta stands up abruptly, pushing his chair with the back of his knees in the process and hands flying everywhere as he’s now starting to panic. <br/><br/>“What did you even eat? John, you look so pale!” his best friend kneels down to look at him sweating and groaning in pain. He couldn’t even reply as his every attempt in communicating only results to his stomach shooting a painful punch to his insides. “Oh, wait, did you eat anything else earlier? Shit, is it that sandwich you ate from yesterday? You said it looks moldy but you still ate it?”<br/><br/>“I thought its color was originally like that.” <br/><br/><em>Fuck</em>.<br/><br/>He groans, both at the pain and his stupidity for <em>fucking</em> eating the bad sandwich yesterday. More cursing is coming out of Yuta’s mouth and his vision’s suddenly blurring.</p>
<p>“Johnny, can you still stand? We need to go to the clinic!”</p>
<p>“I don’t think I can walk in this state, Yuta. It hurts so much,” he groans, but still attempts to stand up.</p>
<p>The last thing he sees is the spiralling whiteboard in front of him with the lesson he just learned earlier written on it.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>The light from the fluorescent lamp and the smell of porridge welcomed Johnny as soon as he opens his eyes. His vision zeroes in on the off-white paint of his room decorated with paintings he had brought from a thrift shop. He hears commotion beside him and sees Yuta rummaging something in his bag, with Jungwoo standing beside his lying figure with his hands on his waist.<br/><br/>“<em>Jungwoo</em>.”<br/><br/>Jungwoo gasps and Yuta looks up with a frown and soon changes it into a relief as Johnny attempts to support his upper body with his elbows to look at them properly. His back hurts from uncomfortably lying on the couch and the bruising feeling on his stomach is fading.</p>
<p>“Thank heavens you’re awake! You almost broke my back while I carried you here!” </p>
<p>There is a quick jolt of pain in his head so he goes back to lie down. “I didn’t want to call your parents and tell them that you collapsed after eating a bad sandwich so you don’t need to worry. Thankfully, I saw Jungwoo on the way so I got him to help us.”</p>
<p>“You had us worried sick, Johnny,” Jungwoo nods.<br/><br/>“<em>Hmm</em>. Thank you. At least you saved me from another earful from them. Thank you, really,” Johnny groans, reaching for the water bottle on coffee table in front the couch. <br/><br/>“No problem. And I still can’t believe you did eat the moldy sandwich. I would’ve insulted you right now but you’re obviously not feeling well so I’m saving it till you feel well,” Yuta shakes his head in disapproval before getting the water bottle from his hand to open it. </p>
<p>“Considerate as always. Thank you," he grabs the bottle and took a sip. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Johnny. I was not careful enough in getting that sandwich. This is my fault—”</p>
<p>Johnny shakes his head. “No, it’s not your fault, Jungwoo. I should’ve spat it out when I notice the foul smell.”</p>
<p>“But I still feel guilty so at least let me make you something to eat,” Jungwoo walk to the island that separates the living room from the kitchen and stirs the porridge. “This is the least I could do.”<br/><br/>“Sicheng said you need to rest and eat soft food. You’re lucky it’s a Friday or else you have to rest for a day on a finals week,” Yuta says, putting down his bag and sitting on the couch beside Johnny.</p>
<p>The taller frowns. “Hold on. Sicheng? You talked to him?”</p>
<p>Yuta avoids his eyes. Jungwoo notices it and sighs. “Sicheng is a nursing student and our Yuta here is finally going on a date with him next week.”</p>
<p>“Oh damn.”</p>
<p>“You’re not mad?”</p>
<p>“Why the hell would I be mad? I’m dating Doyoung so I have no rights to say shit to you,” Yuta visibly relaxes and smiles at him, taps his thigh before standing up and helping out Jungwoo prepare the meal.</p>
<p>“How long was I out?” He asks while slowly getting up and</p>
<p>“Just for 2 hours. I guess your body was too tired to function. You literally didn’t sleep and eat much, and when you did it was after you fainted for eating a bad sandwich. Ah, seriously, Johnny, you need to take good care of yourself,” Jungwoo says, placing the bowl of porridge on the coffee table.</p>
<p>“Thank you so much, guys.”</p>
<p>The three were about to enjoy their meals when Lucas barges in, knocks over the old books piled on the side, and almost hits the coffee table</p>
<p> “Woah, Lucas, are you alright?” Jungwoo asks, lifting his own bowl in the process.</p>
<p>Lucas breathes in and out, hands flailing everywhere in an attempt to say something. “I think Doyoung…”</p>
<p>“Doyoung…?” Johnny trails.</p>
<p>“I think he got into an accident earlier,” Lucas breathes out, his right hand resting on his chest to calm his erratically beating heart, “Weren’t you supposed to meet with him tonight? I don’t know what really happened but when I heard that someone got beaten up near the park, I immediately thought of Doyoung. I asked around his friends if they’ve seen him but only told me they’re also looking for him— Johnny, wait!”</p>
<p>He can’t hear anything. Can’t feel anything. The pain in his head and stomach immediately vanishes the moment he heard Doyoung’s name. He runs outside frantically he even thinks he wore mismatched slippers but none of that matters anymore.</p>
<p>It’s like a déjà vu. The feelings are returning, even though what Lucas just told him isn’t confirmed yet.</p>
<p>He feels stupid for fainting over a bad sandwich and forgetting about the meeting he had with Doyoung an hour ago.</p>
<p>
  <em>Stupid, Youngho. Why did you let this slip away..</em>
</p>
<p>He looks around, in the diner, the playground, the park, Doyoung was nowhere to be found. He tries not to think too much, that Lucas probably thought wrong but it’s too much.</p>
<p>It’s still too much after reliving the moment more than once.</p>
<p>His feet brought him in this secluded part of the town, a dark alleyway people use as a shortcut.  The blinking lamp near the end of the alley is the only source of light, but it was hard not to notice the figure lying on the cold floor.</p>
<p>He runs to where the figure is and almost screams at the sight that welcomed him. Doyoung is lying there all bruised up, extremely beaten up Johnny can even smell the metallic smell of his blood pooling underneath him.</p>
<p>He immediately drops on the floor and carefully cradles Doyoung’s head, not caring that he’s getting blood all over his shorts and legs. He’s confused, he has so many questions to ask but he needs to focus on Doyoung right in that moment.</p>
<p>“Doyoung, Doyoung no. What happened? I’m sorry, I’m sorry this is my fault.” His voice is shaking, his fingers slowly feeling cold.</p>
<p>“Johnny,” Doyoung whispers, eyes forcing itself to open and look up at him. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t careful enough.”</p>
<p>“No, no. I should be the one apologizing. I knocked out earlier and forgot about our meeting. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have asked you to meet with me this late,” Johnny runs his hand over the younger’s cheeks, careful not to touch the cuts and bruises.</p>
<p><em>It’s okay, it’s nothing serious. Doyoung will recover from this, </em>his mind convinces himself. But with the amount of blood on the ground and the shaking figure of Doyoung, Johnny could only pray and pray to the Goddess or whatever entity’s looking over them.</p>
<p>Doyoung’s eyes struggle to keep itself open.</p>
<p><em>No, no, please make this stop. I don’t want it to happen again</em>, “Doyoung! Keep your eyes open! Look at me! I can still ask for help. Don’t ever look at anything else but me!”</p>
<p>“I’m tired,” Doyoung starts, “I want to try but I’m tired. I don’t know why it keeps on happening to me. I don’t want to leave you again, and again. I want to stay this time. I want to finally be with you. I want to but I’m tired of convincing myself not to get scared. I’m scared, Youngho.”</p>
<p>It’s happening again. Doyoung is remembering his past lives, the thing he does every time they’re in a similar situation, and Johnny struggles to keep his breathing even as he breaks into a full sob. It’s happening again, but it’s more painful. Unexpected but expected at the same time because Johnny is cursed.</p>
<p>Johnny Suh, <em>Seo Youngho,</em> was <em>cursed</em> to relive this moment again and again and again without any reassurance that it will stop.</p>
<p>“I miss you so much, Youngho,” Doyoung gasps, hand holding his injured stomach. “I’m sorry for suddenly leaving you. I didn’t mean to. I want to spend my life with you, Youngho. This needs to st—”</p>
<p>“Johnny!” a voice calls out from a distance. He turns his head to that direction and watches Ten and Kun running to their direction.</p>
<p>“Oh dear Goddess,” he hears Kun whisper behind him, the duo looking over their slump figures.</p>
<p>“Please help us. I don’t know what happened but I’m sure we can still get him to the nearest hospital. I can’t let it happen again. I can’t let that damn goddess ruin everything! Everything’s going smoothly, I was supposed to stay here with Doyoung. Right, love?” he glances at the figure below him and got nothing in response.</p>
<p>
  <em>No. It can’t be.</em>
</p>
<p>“He got mistaken as someone who stole from this notorious gang from the nearby town. They followed him, without even confirming his identity and did….this,” the pain in Kun’s face is obvious but Johnny was too focused on cursing the goddess, and crying his hearts out.</p>
<p>This is his fault. It always happens when he asks him to meet him, always when he thinks things are going smoothly.</p>
<p>
  <em>When will Johnny learn?</em>
</p>
<p>“Johnny, we’re really running out of time. I don’t know how much time is left but we need to send you away from here so you could find him again,” Ten walks closer to him but his eyes are getting blurry. It may be because of the tears streaming down his face, or the blinding light of the blinking lamp post, or the bright light surrounding Ten and Kun.</p>
<p>He doesn’t remember much, but the feeling of floating away and chasing someone was there.</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re running out of time.</em>
</p>
<p>A voice says behind him (or was it in front of him?) and he focuses on the figure a few meters away with his hand stretching out for him to take.</p>
<p>He doesn’t remember much but the warmth of the hands wrapping around his was there.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please don't forget to leave comments, kudos, and bookmarks!</p>
<p>Let me know your thoughts!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter will include Doyoung's POV. </p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Johnny remembers the soft voice humming the kingdom’s traditional song in a cold afternoon. Even with his eyes closed, he can feel the smile gracing the face of the person comfortably sitting in between his legs, back against his chest as they both feel the cold breeze.</p><p>“Jeno wanted to see you again today, but unfortunately, he has to report back to the household and attend some errands,” Dongyoung says, hands grabbing Johnny’s arms to wrap it around him.</p><p>“I want to see him too. I want to properly meet my brother-in-law,” Johnny says lightheartedly, arms wrapping tightly around Dongyoung in response. The younger playfully smacks his shoulder and leans back.</p><p>“Silly. You shouldn’t say something you don’t mean.”</p><p>Johnny opens his eyes to look at the person in front of him in confusion. “I don’t say things I don’t mean, Dongyoung. I’m one who keeps true to his words and promises.”</p><p>Dongyoung only nods as his hands play with the hem of Johnny’s expensive green <em>dopo</em>. Both of them stay silent, letting the rustling of the leaves and the whistles of the wind wrap them like a comfortable blanket on a cold night.</p><p>“Do you think we can work this out?” Dongyoung starts with uncertainty in his voice, eyes never leaving his hands. “I’m afraid I can never give you what you want. We are from different classes, different ends of the stick, if the way we dress aren’t obvious enough. I cannot give you fortune or a family name that you can proudly mention to your family. I cannot be in the same social class as you. I cannot even give you a child. I cannot give you an heir. How can we work this out?”</p><p>Johnny grabs his chin so he’s forced to look at him in the eyes. “Nothing of those matters. Having you in my arms like this is enough. You are enough, Kim Dongyoung, and we can both work this out if you too will believe it will.”</p><p>Dongyoung only looks at him with a tight smile, before he meekly nods his head in understanding. “I’ll try. I’m sorry for doubting us.”</p><p>“I will always forgive you, my love.”</p><p>The warm feeling of being hugged and cuddled didn’t leave him even after the view of the cliff, the fruity smell of Dongyoung’s long hair, and the oak tree they’re leaning on disappear right in front of him.</p><p>Darkness envelops him once again, a feeling he’s been accustomed with since hundreds of years ago. But a light tap on his arm wakes him up from his deep slumber.</p><p><em>Tap, tap, tap</em>.</p><p>He flinches, eyebrows knitted together as the tapping continues.</p><p>
  <em>“Johnny, are you alright?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Holy shit, he’s sleeping with his eyes open!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shut up, Taeyong! You are scaring me!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’re such a wuss, Winnie! Sleeping with your eyes open isn’t even scary!”</em>
</p><p>As if he was just staring into space, a finger snapping in front of his face interrupted his deep train of thoughts. He visibly shakes his head, hands instinctively rubbing his eyes at the sudden light of his personal desk lamp blinding him.</p><p>His eyes tried to adjust to the dark room he’s in. He takes in the cubicles, office tables, laptops, books, desktop computers, and a huge journal with the words<em> “Lesson Plan for A.Y. </em><em>2018</em><em> Johnny Suh- 3</em><em><sup>rd</sup></em><em> grade Science Teacher”</em> written in bold letters. The wall clock on his right says 8:37 PM, his phone beeping with a new message from the school principal reminding them to pass their time correction form for the extra hours they’ve allotted for tonight.</p><p>It still feels like waking up from a long dream. The mint green oxford shirt he’s wearing feels comfortable unlike what he wore during what he assumed to be the start of the modern time. Even the dress pants and black shoes he’s wearing fits him too perfectly.</p><p>He thinks he’s getting better at this.</p><p>Memories of children calling him <em>Teacher Johnny </em>flood his mind, along with snippets after snippets of himself standing in the school garden as he instructs the children on how to take care of the flowers.</p><p>He looks around him and sees two equally dumbfounded faces staring at him. He recognizes the two faces very well, given the fact that these two persons spent a lifetime with both Youngho <em>and</em> Johnny. They held different roles in his previous lives but judging the way they look at him with genuine concern etched across their faces, he could only assume the three of them are in a good relationship.</p><p>“Oh for pete’s sake! Of course I’m still here! I just want to get this over with!” he slams his head into his table, the pain he’s feeling getting overshadowed by the disappointment and annoyance for still getting sucked in yet another lifetime.</p><p>
  <em>Just when exactly is this ending!? </em>
</p><p>“You know what, sleep might be the only answer for you tonight. Go home before you completely lose your shit from making all these damn reports,” a guy who looks completely like the prince in his second lifetime, Crowned Prince Taeyong of Hanseong, the second child of the king and queen, and <em>Moon Taeil’s secret lover, </em>says on his left, head nodding at the messy journals, papers, letters from students, and score cards on Johnny’s table. “I always appreciate how dedicated you are, Johnny, but you should know your body’s limit! How do you even sleep with your eyes open?”</p><p>Johnny continues to (softly) bangs his head on his table, hoping it’s enough to give him a concussion and probably wake up wearing his traditional sapphire <em>hanbok</em> inside his personal quarters with Taeil ready to smack his head with a scroll for being late for breakfast instead.</p><p>“You need to bang your head hard enough if you want a concussion,” the guy on the cubicle in front of his raises his eyebrow, mouth nipping the tip of his pen. He looks like Dong Sicheng from the previous life, the supposed to be gangster (but never really got the confirmation if he really is one), the one who seemed to glare at everything and everyone his eyes land on. But now he’s here with his eyes emitting nothing but indifference and mischief at the same time. His own table is a mess too, with ungraded math test papers scattered all around him.</p><p>They are in what looks like a faculty room. There are a lot of teachers’ cubicles inside the massive room but the three of them are the only ones left.</p><p>“Stop giving him ideas! I don’t plan on taking after his classes if he takes another sick leave again!” the guy beside him, the one who looks exactly like Crowned Prince Taeyong, exclaims. “I didn’t even finish my own report! Look at the mess on my table! I’m one step closer to burning all these papers and this school! Can I just come to Mrs. Do’s office and say I quit to become a stripper?”</p><p>“Taeyong, you know I won’t ever stop you from doing what you love. Quit all you want. Be a hoe. Do whatever makes you feel alive even if that means dancing erotically to the beat of an overrated song.”</p><p>“I don’t know if you really support me in this bullshit or you just want me out of  the school.”</p><p>“Both. But I’m more for the latter to be honest.”</p><p>“You know what, Winwin, fuck you.”</p><p>“No thanks, I have Yuta for that.”</p><p>Johnny rubs his temples and frowns at whatever the two of them are talking about. “Are you two quite done yet? I really wanna go home now.”</p><p>“Are you even done with your papers? You promised Mrs. Do that you can send everything tomorrow,” Taeyong asks.</p><p>He looks at his table once again but the papers made no sense at all. He’s not getting any snippets of his previous tasks or the life he has right now. And screw that Mrs. Do or whoever she is anyways! The paperworks can wait!</p><p>Sicheng, or <em>Winwin</em>, stands up from his seat and quickly (and messily) arranges his papers on top of his history books. “Okay, okay. We’ll drive us home. You’re lucky I got an extra key or else we’re crashing at Yuta’s. Wait for me by the gates. I need to finish cleaning up for a minute.”</p><p>Johnny pauses. “We live together?”</p><p>“Very funny, Suh. But yes, since your pipeline burst and couldn’t get to fix it on time for whatever reason your landlord has. Now go. I’ll clean your table for you. You look a minute away from fainting,” Sicheng shoves a bag at him and pushes him out of the faculty room. “I’ll be ready in ten minutes!”</p><p>Johnny looks around the hallway, the wall decorated with different awards, pictures of the previous faculty members, and trophies from the competitions their school joined. It seems like he’s working in a very famous and exclusive elementary school in the heart of the city of Seoul.</p><p>He truly can’t believe he’s in another lifetime again, with another identity but has the same fate.</p><p>His head snaps at the sudden sound of someone’s knuckles cracking and yawning while cursing at the universe for some reason. He rounds the corner and the sight that welcomes him sends an indescribable feeling in him, his heart thumps abnormally in his chest, making it practically hard for him to breathe properly.</p><p>Kim Doyoung is looking at him. He is sitting on the couch situated at the center of the lounge, legs propped up on the coffee table in front of him with his laptop sitting on his lap. His suit is lying on the couch opposite him and old cups of coffee are scattered around the table.</p><p>Doyoung looks tired, like the remaining energy he has, has been sucked out of him. Dark bags hang under his eyes, hair disheveled as if he ran his fingers through his hair the whole time.</p><p>“What, are you here to flex on your finished paperworks?” Doyoung asks with hostility in his voice, eyebrow shooting up at the sight of Johnny standing like a lamp post at the corner of the room with his eyes scanning him.</p><p>“What.” Johnny asks then realizes how dumb it sounds. “What do you mean?”</p><p>Doyoung rolls his eyes and lifts his legs off the table. “Yeah, yeah, you finished your work ahead of me. No need to brag it to my face, really. You can clearly see how stressed out I am right now from all the reports I haven’t finished yet. I get it, Suh.”</p><p>Johnny only blinks, fully not understanding where the hostility comes from.</p><p>“Are you okay..?” he asks, really meaning to ask if he did something wrong to Doyoung that made him this agitated. He already has an idea about the extent of the relationship he has with Doyoung in this lifetime, though his mind is trying to ignore that possibility as of the moment.</p><p>Doyoung sighs, closing the laptop and shoving it inside its bag. “It’s whatever, Johnny. You can now brag to the principal that you finished the task ahead of me. Really, I don’t care anymore. You can have that promotion for all I care.” He starts to arrange the papers scattered on the couch and coffee table without giving Johnny a glance.</p><p>Doyoung is annoyed, or more like disappointed about something, as he continues to shove the papers back to his bag.</p><p>He hears the door to the faculty room open and Sicheng, <em>Winwin</em>, pats his shoulder with a heavy hand, eyes looking at Doyoung too with a knowing smirk.</p><p>“Ah, it’s nice to see you here, Kim. You should’ve joined us in the faculty room to see Johnny finish his papers while sleeping with his eyes open,” He teases and wraps an arm around Johnny’s shoulders. “The administrator would be so delighted to give Johnny the well-deserved promotion by the end of the week.”</p><p>“Fuck off, Dong.”</p><p>“Ah, why do all of you have foul mouths? I’m reporting you to the board, then have everyone fired and I’d get to be the administrator instead. Nice isn’t it?”</p><p>Johnny stares at Sicheng in confusion, or fear (he isn’t sure if he’s serious or not). “Nah, I’m just kidding, Johnny. I’ll see you outside. And Doyoung, please tell Yuta to dress comfortably for our date tomorrow.”</p><p>Sicheng then walks away, his bag slung over his shoulder.</p><p>“Is being annoying a requirement in your circle of friends?” Doyoung asks as he glares at the door Sicheng just exited from.</p><p> Johnny glances back at Doyoung in wonder and suddenly, a memory of himself putting a can of what looks like coffee flashes in his mind. He immediately rummages inside his bag, sighs in relief after finding the said coffee inside and extends his hand to offer it.</p><p>“I’m sorry this is what I can only offer you tonight. You deserve better but this is what I have right now,” he says, hoping this will calm whatever tension they have.</p><p>“That’s poisoned, isn’t it? I swear to god, Johnny Suh, if I die after drinking that, I’m going to hunt you in your nightmares.”</p><p>That seems to stop Johnny from moving, memories of what happened to the head of the army years ago flashing in his mind. His body visibly tenses, his hand tightening its grip on the can even with Doyoung trying to take it from him.</p><p>“Are you giving this to me or not?”</p><p>He thinks hard. He knows he’s always been the reason why it keeps happening, why the both of them keep on suffering. He has to be more careful, more calculated to avoid <em>it</em> from happening again.</p><p>“You know I’m kidding, right? Unless it is…” Doyoung trails off, a somewhat concerned look etched across his face at Johnny’s unusual behavior. The older shakes his head and shoves the coffee back to the other teacher, his mind trying so hard to burry the memory back to where it belongs.</p><p>“No, no, it’s not poisoned. I-I could never do that to you, Doyoung.”</p><p>Doyoungs eyes him as his hands open the can. “Chill, I was trying to pull a leg. Are you fine though? You’re acting weird.”</p><p>Johnny nods, not knowing what to say anymore. He only watches Doyoung drink his coffee like it was the most entertaining thing in the world. But for Johnny, it is indeed the most entertaining and important as he was quick to finally meet and see Doyoung in this lifetime.</p><p>He’s much closer than he thought, and even with all of this hostility, he’s still thankful that he’s there to see the younger again, and be reminded of the chances he has to make everything right. He doesn’t know when all of these will end, but all Johnny could ask from the Goddess right now is for Doyoung to never get hurt ever again.</p><p>“Why are you staring at me like that?”</p><p>“Like what?” Johnny feels a weird sense if déjà vu.</p><p>“Like…like you just saw your long lost puppy. And it’s bothering me because I’m so used to seeing you shooting daggers at me.”</p><p> “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Stop apologizing, it’s creeping me out.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>Doyoung rolls his eyes with an exasperated sigh. “You’re so strange, Suh. But it’s whatever, really. Thanks for the coffee but that doesn’t mean I’m backing out.” Doyoung stands up, gathers his things and slings his bag on his shoulder. “Play nice, Suh. I’m going to get that promotion.”</p><p>He watches Doyoung leave the building, his mind going around the fact that Johnny indeed has a sour relationship with the younger in this lifetime.</p><p>He sighs, realizing it would be much harder for him to connect to this Doyoung. He wishes to the stars for this to be the final one, the last lifetime he’s going to spend with him, without the nightmare happening again and again and again. Adjusting himself in this timeline is much easier than the rest since the physical pain, confusion, and exhaustion aren’t there anymore.</p><p>“Yo, Johnny, are you coming or not?” he hears Sicheng call by the door.</p><p>“Yeah, sorry I got a bit distracted,” he runs to Sicheng and they both head to where his friend’s car is parked. “Say, Sicheng, Doyoung isn’t in a gang, is he?”</p><p>His friend almost choked at the sudden question,  immediately earning a loud laugh after he recovered, and a painful slap on his shoulder. “First of all, since when did you start calling me by my real name? I asked you to call me Winwin multiple times. Second of all, what the hell was that, man? That was the most random question you’ve ever asked. I don’t know if you can remember but I’ve mentioned multiple times that Doyoung was literally the university’s student council treasurer, the batch valedictorian, and the head of the anti-bullying organization during college. Everyone adored him. The kids in my year look up at him, man.“</p><p>They continue to walk side by side in the empty parking lot as Sicheng, <em>Winwin</em>, reminisce his college days with his schoolmate Doyoung. “Everyone at SMU knows who he is because he’s simply excellent in whatever he did. He was the textbook definition of an exemplar, model student. So Doyoung being in a gang is as impossible as me winning the lottery.”</p><p>Johnny only nods, not remembering any of those facts. At least he isn’t in a gang, or in a group that might endanger his life again.</p><p>“He’s not <em>sick</em>, isn’t he?” he questions, opening the door to the passenger seat and throwing his bag at the back.</p><p>“Oh, he’s <em>sick</em>, Johnny,” Winwin shakes his head as they get out of the parking lot, not noticing the horrified look on Johnny’s face. “He is so sick of <em>you</em>. I can definitely imagine his hatred so I can’t really tell him off. In fact, it’s what entertains me everyday.”</p><p>“It’s a pleasure to be a source of your entertainment, Mr. Dong,” Johnny rolls his eyes, heart calming down at the unexpected twist.</p><p>“Don’t get too flattered. We may be friends but I’m rooting for Doyoung. The poor guy has been trying so hard to get that promotion only for that to be possibly snatched by the new teacher who seems to be so much better than him,” Winwin chuckles with a hint of teasing in his tone. “I mean, why are you even here? You were already working in an exclusive international school in Chicago so why the hell did you transfer here?”</p><p>Johnny doesn’t know the exact answer too. He probably has a good reason since working in his previous school seems like a big deal already. He was able to look around the faculty room and the lounge earlier and it seems like his school is a big deal too, judging by the structure and the exquisite interior of the building.</p><p>Transferring from an international school to his current one isn’t that big of a deal, right?</p><p>But Johnny likes to think it’s because of fate, the one he wrote for himself and broke what the goddess has planned for him.</p><p>Transferring in this school was destiny, because the other half of his soul is here, loathing his entire being and probably cursing the day Doyoung saw him for the first time just for being here.</p><p>“If it weren’t for his reputation, he would’ve asked you to a fist fight at the back of the school garden to finish everything. I even heard him talking to Taeyong about how much your height annoys him.”</p><p>Johnny blinks at the revelation. “He hates me that much, huh?”</p><p>“Oh, you have no idea.”</p><p>This is probably going to be the toughest life he’s going to have with Doyoung now that it’s confirmed he absolutely loathes Johnny with all his being. How can he convince him to accept fate and his feelings when only hatred is being felt while he’s with Johnny?</p><p>This is going to be one hell of a ride but Johnny knows everything will work out in the end. Hopefully.</p><p> </p><p>The feeling of wanting to approach Doyoung and act like how they used to never leaves Johnny as he continues to live his life as a teacher and Doyoung’s colleague in this prestigious elementary school. The memories of the present Johnny’s life before he supposedly transferred came slowly this time. They come at random times, with some of them making no sense at all. It was a bit unusual for him to take this much time at remembering stuff but he’s trying hard to fit in, hoping that how he’s acting right now is what the <em>previous</em> Johnny would do in his everyday life.  </p><p>He’s expecting to see Kun and Ten anytime soon too, but the possibility of them being as close to him as they were previously is getting smaller as no hint of them were around Johnny. They probably aren’t even in this lifetime, which terrified him more than ever.</p><p>“Good noon, Teacher Johnny! I hope you’ll enjoy your lunch!” a student greets Johnny through the window as he walk past a room on his way to the faculty room.</p><p>“Thank you, Minji! Enjoy your lunch too, and eat everything your mom packed for you, okay?” he answers back, crouching down to level his face with the little girl leaning on the window facing the hallway.</p><p>“Okay, Teacher Johnny! I promised <em>eomma</em> to eat everything! I even asked for more broccoli! I love broccoli!” the little girl giggles, hands up in the air as she expresses her love for the green vegetables.</p><p>“That’s good, Minji,” Johnny ruffles the girl’s hair with a huge smile on his face, heart swelling at how pure and adorable his student is. He greets the students running up to him to say hi as well, or share what they had for lunch, and it makes sense to Johnny why he chose this career out of everything else.</p><p>He never thought he’d be a teacher in any of his lifetime. He was so used to being the student, the one getting all the lectures from his private tutors, his favorite <em>eunuch</em> Moon Taeil, his seniors, and previous college professors. And now he’s here, inevitably being a father to more than 20 students, and teaching them things not found in any of his textbooks.</p><p>“Okay, Hyunsung, we’ll talk about your favorite character after lunch break, okay?” he coos at another boy, hand ruffling his hair. The boy nods eagerly before running off to eat his lunch in his room.</p><p>He then notices Doyoung walking behind him, making sure Johnny would hear the quiet “Pretentious prick.” as the younger walk past him. The taller only sighs in reply, almost getting used to Doyoung acting like a <em>dick</em> to him even outside the faculty room.</p><p>The two silently arrive in the faculty room and he sees his fellow teachers lounging around with their lunch bags with them, waiting for everyone to get ready so they can head to their lunch room and eat together.</p><p>“Why does Mr. Kim look like he’s about to throw someone?” a voice says from the cubicle near the door to the lunch room. Johnny immediately recognizes him as Donghyuck, his eunuch Moon Taeil’s younger brother from hundred of years ago. He didn’t realize how much he missed the younger’s presence even though they barely talk in that lifetime.</p><p>He was the only person from his first life who seems to still be in the present, and that only makes Johnny’s fondness to the young man grow stronger.</p><p>“I’m about to throw your intern across the room if he doesn’t shut up, Lee Taeyong,” Doyoung threatens, slightly slamming his books on the table before grabbing his own lunch bag and heads to the lunch room instead.</p><p>“Okay, <em>now</em> I’m concerned,” Donghyuck eyed widen in fear and confusion. “Did that really piss him off?”</p><p>“Probably. But I’m not stopping him from finally throwing you out the window,” Taeyong laughs ass he fixes his table.</p><p>“Give the guy a break. I heard the principal talking about the promotion earlier. The old lady was telling him about how the selection for the new administrator will be postponed till the next semester since the rest of the board saw Johnny’s performance during their class observation a month ago. Seems like this tall bean impressed everyone,” a new, familiar voice interjects.</p><p>Kim Jungwoo stands up from his cubicle and gives the rest of the faculty members a knowing look. “Doyoung really thought he’s leading, y’know. Not that I’m against you, Suh. It’s just that…he’s getting super stressed about everything.”</p><p>“It’s fine. I understand. The whole process could be really….frustrating,” Johnny nods and heads to the lunch room with everyone.</p><p>“Truly understandable. But don’t worry, I’ll knock some sense to his head,” the blond reassures before heading to the lunch room.</p><p>“No, it’s fine, really. I know where he’s coming from.”</p><p>“But he doesn’t have to be a dick about it so no, it’s not fine. I’ll talk to him after class.”</p><p>Johnny is dumbfounded at the fact that he made the board extend the selection because they got impressed with him. Him, who technically didn’t know what he did a month ago. Him, who never even thought of becoming a teacher in his previous lives. It even baffles him more how he can possibly be better than Doyoung in this lifetime- making it the main reason why the younger seemed to hate his whole being.</p><p>“Don’t stress yourself out, Johnny. Doyoung is just petty,” Taeyong chuckles as he sits next to him on the table. Winwin follows inside and sits opposite Johnny.</p><p>“Doyoung only wishes he could be you,” Winwin teases, making sure to glance at the mentioned teacher from the other table.</p><p>“I will shove a spoon down your throat, Sicheng,” Doyoung replies and focuses his attention back to his chips.</p><p>Jungwoo sighs from where he’s sitting with Doyoung together with Donghyuck, and the new intern who just joined them a week ago, and at the same time the very young man who shoved a sword onto his chest and neck, Minhyung or as what everyone calls him here, <em>Mark</em>.</p><p>“Come on, guys. This is not the place for you to fight. Eat your lunch peacefully. If I hear anyone starting shit, I’m going to make an incident report against every single one of you.”</p><p>“I mean, I literally just breathe?” Mark says from across Jungwoo, brows knitted together in confusion.</p><p>“Even breathing will get you in trouble if you don’t focus on your lunch, Mark,” the senior says with finality in his voice.</p><p>Thankfully everyone seems to find the threat scary enough to listen to the blond’s words. They quickly ate their lunch and hang around to talk and catch up with each other except for Doyoung who is silently munching on his chips and greasy burger.</p><p>“Is that what you’re eating, Doyoung?” Johnny asks.</p><p>“Yeah, what about it?”</p><p>The taller stands up with his own lunch bag to stand behind Doyoung without waiting for a reply, pushing the latter’s own food away to put the homemade kimchi, gimbap, and pickled radish in front of the younger. Doyoung watches in confusion as Johnny sets it up, both of them ignoring the stares their colleagues are giving.</p><p>“What do you think you’re doing?”</p><p>“You’re not eating junk food for lunch. I made this for you. Please eat these instead,” he says, not caring about how he sounds and looks in front of the man who supposedly hates him.</p><p>“You know you’re getting weirder everyday, Suh, and it is really bothering me. But if I eat this, will you stop being weird and get back to how we really are before?”</p><p>Johnny stares down at him and for some reason, his heart clenches at the request. It isn’t that much really, since annoying each other was supposed to be the norm. He hates feeling like this, hopeless, hurt, like what he’s doing is getting ignored, but he tries not feel anything to keep himself intact.</p><p>“Sure. Just stop being stubborn for once and I’ll try not to act weird, even though I have no idea what you mean by that,” he rolls his eyes to match the hostility, as if he doesn’t care. He goes back to his seat and shrugs when he sees Taeyong staring at him in bewilderment.</p><p>“Man, he’s right. You’re not acting like yourself these past few days. Since when did you start acting nice to Doyoung?” Taeyong asks, a fork still inside his mouth.</p><p>“Since <em>forever</em>. I’m not that much of a dick, okay? I have my saint moments,” he answers.</p><p>Donghyuck suddenly claps from his spot. “Ah, so this was the weird feeling I had since weeks ago! I was wondering why I haven’t seen Johnny and Doyoung <em>sunbaenim</em> throwing hands at each other! The school was suddenly so silent and boring.”</p><p>Mark chuckles. “If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought Doyoung and Jonny <em>sunbaenim</em> are secretly dating!”</p><p>The rest of them laugh at Mark’s words except for Doyoung who throws him a disgusted look. “Didn’t you say you initially wanted to be a writer during your introduction, Mark? Why don’t you be one instead since you seemed to like making up stories.”</p><p>Winwin throws a piece of bread loaf on Doyoung’s direction. “Leave Mark alone you old, mean teacher! What he said makes sense and I’m all about this overused enemies to lovers trope. I can’t believe we’re witnessing a real life <em>fic</em>, guys!”</p><p>“I’m sorry but a <em>what</em>?” Johnny glances at everyone.</p><p>Doyoung rolls his eyes again. “Oh shut it. No ones dating anyone in here. It’s impossible. There’s no way that’s gonna happen so can we just leave that topic behind and get back to eating our lunch?”</p><p>Jungwoo’s face lights up, fingers pointing at Doyoung in excitement.  “Oh, don’t you have a date with that guy from London!? Oh my <em>god</em>, I almost forgot that <em>tea</em>. Spill the <em>deets</em>, Doie, and no, you can’t deny that either because Taeyong and I saw you texting that guy on the dating app. You even sent hearts on your replies!”</p><p>“Doyoung sunbaenim sending hearts!? What kind of alternative universe is this!?” Donghyuck exclaims animatedly.</p><p>Everyone goes wild at the sudden revelation, including Johnny, except it isn’t because of excitement that he has something to tease Doyoung about. His mind shuts off at what he just heard, and he doesn’t understand if it’s really possible for his chest to physically hurt like this.</p><p>He looks down at his own lunch box, mind trying not to focus on the possibility that Doyoung might already be unavailable for him in this lifetime.</p><p>
  <em>That’s probably why the younger seems to hate him that much? They’re not meant to be with each other in this lifetime so why bother, right?</em>
</p><p>He tries to ignore the smile on Doyoung’s face and his red ears as the other teachers continue to tease him about this unknown man.</p><p>He also tries to ignore Doyoung covering his reddening face as he threatens to kick Jungwoo in the face for blurting out something that was supposed to be a secret.</p><p>It hurts.</p><p>“Jungwoo, stop! We’re not dating, okay? We’re still…in our getting-to-know-each-other stage. It’s not that serious. But I’m waiting for him to come back to Seoul so we could properly meet.” Doyoung’s face looks like an overly ripe tomato as he tries to dismiss his colleagues’ teasing.</p><p>The teasing continues but Johnny couldn’t bring himself to join them, to annoy Doyoung like what he’s supposed to do. But the thought of Doyoung dating another guy hurts him more than it should. It physically hurts but he tries not to dwell on it that much.</p><p>Is he too late? Is his time <em>finally</em> over? Is this what Kun and Ten mean when they said he’s running out of time? What if it really is? What if he really ran out of time?</p><p>“Uh, Johnny, are you alright?” he feels a light tap on his back and when he glances at Taeyong beside him, tears suddenly pouring down his face. “Johnny, why are you crying!?”</p><p>He didn’t even know why he started tearing up. He thought he could hold it in. He just continued staring at his friend with a blank look, tears still streaming down his face.</p><p>What would he even say? That he ran out of time? What time is he talking about then?</p><p>“Seriously, Johnny, why are you crying hard?” Winwin reaches out to touch him in concern, and shakes his arm to stop him from staring at Taeyong.</p><p>“I…” he sniffs, wiping his nose with the back of his hand, “The chili….the chili went inside my eyes,” he points at the spicy food in front of him and attempts to chuckle without sounding like choking on his own sobs.</p><p>Everyone groans and visibly relaxes. “I thought something bad happened to you for pete’s sake! You just starting sobbing out of nowhere!” Jungwoo exclaims from his seat.</p><p>Johnny chuckles in an attempt dismiss the topic. He can’t control his tears anymore, but he tries hard to act like it was the damned chili’s fault.</p><p>The last thing he can remember during lunch break was Doyoung’s face staring at him with an unreadable look on his face.</p><p> </p><p>Johnny stays behind after the final bell of the day rings. The other teachers stop by his door to ask him to go back with them to the faculty room but he refuses to do so, saying he has to finish something and rearrange the tables and chairs. He didn’t need to do it, but he needs to get distracted. The sudden crying in the middle of lunch break didn’t help either.</p><p>He’s in the middle of erasing the chalkboard when he heard a soft knock on the door frame.</p><p>“Can I come in?” Doyoung asks, arms hugging his books to his chest. Johnny only nods his head and continues to clean the board.</p><p>“Can I help you with something?” he asks.</p><p>“Are you alright?”</p><p>“<em>Uhuh</em>. Never better,” he glances at the younger nonchalantly. “Is that all?”</p><p>He stays rooted on his spot near the door, thinking of the right words to say.</p><p>“Actually, Johnny, I would like to apologize for everything. I’m sorry for acting like a dick to you earlier and the past few days. Jungwoo just talked to me and I realized I’ve been really horrible to you,” the younger starts as he sits on the table in front of Johnny. He fidgets in his spot, nervously watching the taller cleaning the already spotless board in front of them. “I’m sorry for being rude. You don’t deserve any of it.”</p><p>Johnny stops, hand still holding the eraser. He didn’t expect to have this confrontation this soon, but he’s grateful nonetheless. “It’s fine, really. You don’t have to worry about it.”</p><p>“Are you sure? I can buy you a drink or treat you to dinner later as an apology if you want? I have never realized I’ve been getting out of line all these time. Treating you with food and drinks is the very least I could do.”</p><p>He glances at him and smiles. “Doyoung, it’s fine. I don’t hold grudges. Let’s just pretend nothing like that happened, okay?”</p><p>“This is not what I imagined our conversation to look like. I expected you to, like, lash out on be and probably never accept my apology.”</p><p>“I’m sorry I gave you that impression of me. I may look like a dick, but trust me, I’m not.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s what Jungwoo told me too. He made a lot of sense and now I feel bad for being mean to you for petty reasons.”</p><p>Johnny smiles, thankful for whatever Jungwoo said to Doyoung. “And I said it’s fine. I forgive you. I’m going to pretend nothing of those happened before.”</p><p>Doyoung looks at him in the eyes before saying: “If you say so. I’m glad Jungwoo knocked some sense into me. It would’ve taken me too long to settle things with you if it weren’t for him.”</p><p>His eyes wander around Johnny’s room, looking like he doesn’t plan on leaving the room anytime soon. They stay silent for a few minutes as Johnny continues to move around the room to clean the remaining mess his students left. He feels a bit relieved that there’s a small improvement in their relationship. A tiny one but an improvement nonetheless.</p><p>He watches Doyoung peacefully observing the room from his spot at the back of the room, probably reading the note on the chalkboard and the star chart beside it. Johnny stares at him and reminisces the times they were alone like this <em>somewhere</em>, talking, laughing, enjoying each other’s company in every possible way.</p><p>He reminisce the moment they shared with each other, and all those little glances and touches hidden from the eyes of everyone surrounding them.</p><p>It’s been a while since the last time he got this close to Doyoung again, without them bantering and annoying each other like crazy. He doesn’t know when they’re going to be like this again, enjoying the silence of the room as if nothing happened in the past weeks.</p><p>He walks closer to the younger, skin itching to touch him and feel the warmth and comfort Doyoung naturally gives off. He’s itching to get closer and closer until he’s close enough to enjoy the feeling of being with someone whom he longed for, for a very long time.</p><p>He wonders what it feels like to be close to Doyoung again. He wonders what it feels like to be that guy who’s supposed to go on a date with him once he gets back to Seoul. He wonders what it’d be like to finally be able to stay with Doyoung until the end of this lifetime.</p><p>Johnny is truly exhausted. He feels like giving up already, but a nagging voice at the back of his mind is screaming for him to keep going, and to do <em>it</em> for the figure sitting right in front of him.</p><p>
  <em>He’s tired. But he’s trying. </em>
</p><p>And when Doyoung looks behind him to check why he suddenly went silent, and why the screeching of chairs and tables stopped, everything seems to stop except for his tears. It all came at once. The pent up frustrations, disappointments came all at once.</p><p>He doesn’t know why but tearing up that time feels good, like he didn’t cry enough in his three previous lives.</p><p>“Oh my god, Johnny, are you alright!? Shit, what did I do? Is it because of how rude I was last time? Oh my god, did I really hurt your feelings?!” Doyoung stands up from the table in horror, eyes as wide as saucers as he gets closer to console Johnny who looks like he’s torn between crying and laughing at himself in an attempt to dismiss the unnecessary attention he’s getting from the younger .</p><p>“Sorry, I just remembered something. No need to worry, really,” he chuckles to lighten up the mood but Doyoung doesn’t seem to be convinced. “Doyoung, I’m fine. It’s not your fault. I seriously just remembered something sad while cleaning.”</p><p>Doyoung continues to stare up at him with his doe eyes as if he’s figuring out the complex being that is Johnny Suh. He just stood there, looking up at Johnny without uttering a single word.</p><p>Johnny wipes the tears on his face with the back of his hand, suddenly feeling self-conscious at how Doyoung stares up at him in this distance.</p><p>“Why…This is weird. I feel weird,” Doyoung suddenly comments with his eyes never leaving the other. Johnny continues sniffing and wiping his nose, not caring at how unsanitary he looks to him. “Stop crying, Johnny. I feel…extremely upset when you’re crying like this in front of me.”</p><p>“Yeah, shit, I’m sorry. This is just how I usually am. Sorry for-“ Doyoung’s thumb touches Johnny’s tear stained face, carefully wiping the tears away as he stares up at him in genuine confusion. His hand stays there, both frozen in place as if time stopped for them to marvel each other’s presence.</p><p>“This is weird. Why am I so bothered that you’re crying like this?” Doyoung asks more to himself, not expecting an answer from the other. “I am confused.”</p><p>Johnny knows. <em>Probably</em>. It’s the bond calling out for them to reunite. It probably felt Johnny’s desperation, his calls and prayers to bring Doyoung back to him. He doesn’t understand why but he cries harder, the accumulated emotions pouring out in the form of tears.</p><p>
  <em>Dongyoung, please, this is me, Johnny. Youngho.</em>
</p><p>“Stop. Johnny, stop crying. I’m hurt. This is so confusing. Why am I feeling like this?” Johnny can’t stop, not when he knows Doyoung is feeling it too. He wants to reach out to finally touch and hug him and somewhat ease the physical ache he’s feeling since the time he reached this lifetime.</p><p>But he can’t so he won’t.</p><p>Johnny was ready to turn around and excuse himself from further embarrassment when he feels the younger’s arms wrapping around his waist hesitantly at first, until he completely relaxes and is comfortable enough to rest his chin on Johnny’s shoulder.</p><p>It was a hug in an attempt to comfort not only Johnny but also himself. The arms around him tighten with Doyoung burying his head in the crook of Johnny’s neck. The pain Johnny’s feeling slowly subsides and he takes it as an opportunity to finally hug the person he’s longing for.</p><p>
  <em>Finally. Finally. </em>
</p><p>For that moment, he feels connected and complete. Even in this small moment in his classroom, he feels as if an empty spot somewhere gets completed. He inhales the scent of Doyoung’s perfume and rests his chin on the younger’s head in comfort.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Johnny cries.</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“For <em>everything</em>.”</p><p>Johnny closes his eyes as he enjoys the moment of having Doyoung in his arms.</p><p>“Please don’t cry again, Johnny, because it hurts.”</p><p>With one final tight hug, he answers, “I promise. I promise I won’t cry again.”</p><p> </p><p>Neither Johnny nor Doyoung mentioned what happened in Johnny’s classroom. They still continued to banter like before but the noticeable change between their relationship doesn’t exactly go unnoticed by their colleagues though everyone seemed to have an unspoken agreement to never discuss whatever they have observed between the two teachers, and Johnny couldn’t be more grateful for that.</p><p>He continues to make Doyoung healthy lunch packs, helps him clean the mess his fourth grade students left every after class, and even offers to take the younger to take him home everyday after work.</p><p>“You are so confusing, Johnny,” Doyoung had once commented when they’re on their way to the storage room, huge boxes of old test papers in their hands. Johnny had asked what he meant but the younger refused to talk until they were joined by their fellow teachers.</p><p>Johnny smiles at the mother in front of him as he helps Doyoung wrap up the PTA meeting, collecting the booklets from the parents at the back row and greeting them politely. It was a relatively boring meeting with Johnny trying so hard not to stare out of the window and daydream.</p><p>
  <em>“Johnny! Johnny, you moron!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We’re in a school, Ten! Keep your filthy mouth shut! You’re setting such a bad example to our child!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“This is not our real child, Kun! Chill out, I’m going to fix his memories after we’re done here.”</em>
</p><p>He was about to exit the almost empty classroom with Doyoung walking head of him when he hears the voices he’s been waiting to hear calling him from inside. He walks back to the classroom to check, and almost crashes on the floor as he runs to the two figures clad in suits and ties, both of them holding the familiar kid’s hands in between them.</p><p>“Good afternoon, Teacher Johnny!” the kid greets, his big smile almost permanently etched to his face. The kid always looks happy in Johnny’s classes but the smile he’s sporting today is incomparable to the others.</p><p>“<em>Yangyang</em>! What are you doing….here?” Johnny greets back, eyes never leaving Kun and Ten.</p><p>“These are my papa and dada! Papa, Dada, this is my favorite Teacher Johnny!” Johnny almost swears his eyes were about to pop out of his skull.</p><p>“Wait, you two have a child!? I thought you already abandoned me without a warning! I thought I’d never get to see you two again and yet you’re here with a child! I’ve been waiting for the both of you to appear, I’ve been so confused the whole time!” he exclaims.</p><p>“Quiet down, will you? You’re blowing our cover!” Ten whispers, eyes scanning the now empty room.</p><p>Kun sighs. “We barely made it. I don’t even know this child. I randomly took him just to attend that boring PTA meeting with Kim Dongyoung and see you.</p><p>“You took my student and pretended to be his parents,” Johnny trails off, a small frown on his face, “That’s illegal.”</p><p>“No, it’s not. Well, not after I fix his memories again,” Ten crouches down to level his face with Yangyang’s and ruffles his hair. “Ah, what a handsome little lad. I hope I’d get to have a kid like him soon.”</p><p>“What do you mean, papa?”</p><p>Ten smiles. “Oh, nothing baby. Papa is just talking nonsense.”</p><p>Johnny eyes the two adults.</p><p>“How many years did it take me to get in here?”</p><p>“Forty.”</p><p>Johnny sighs.</p><p>Ten looks back at him and says, “We’ve noticed Doyoung’s not so fond of you here. He’s been staring at you during the whole meeting and it’s worrying me. What, is he gonna ask you to a fist fight after this or something?”</p><p>Johnny sighs. “I know, I even think he <em>hated</em> me, but trust me, I’m about to completely change his feelings towards me. There are lot if improvements but I can completely change his feelings for me.”</p><p>“You’re going to make him fall in love with you?” Kun questions.</p><p>“No,” he immediately replies, but he shakes his head, “I mean, yes, but that’s something that cannot be easily done considering the circumstances. My plan is to be friends with him, first and foremost. It’s the most crucial step since one wrong move from me might mess up everything.” Johnny watches the kid playing with the hem of Ten’s dress shirt.</p><p>“Oh dear goddess of the mountains, help us in this long journey,” Ten lets out an exasperated sigh. “This is such a very disappointing turn of events. I thought we’d get to a lifetime where you’re finally married to him. The past lives were all about you being in a relationship with him! Why do you have to be someone he hates here?”</p><p>“Previous Johnny is probably a huge as-“ Kun glances at the kid below him, “Meanie. Previous you was probably a big Doyoung <em>hater</em>.”</p><p>“That sounds lame, Kun.”</p><p>“We’re keeping this a child-friendly conversation for our son, Ten,” they watch Yangyang run to the door to greet his friends walking past him.</p><p>“Goodness gracious, Kun, Yangyang is not our kid! We’ll get us a new one after we’re done with Johnny.”</p><p>“Are you two quite done yet? I’m still not done with my dilemma here.”</p><p>“Mr. Suh? Is everything alright in there?” the three of them froze on the spot. Johnny watches Doyoung enter the classroom who in return, watches Kun and Ten smiling at him.</p><p>“Mr. Kim, it’s nice to finally meet you like this after all the emails! I’m Ten, and this is my <em>husband</em> Kun. We are Yangyang’s parents. I sure hope our son isn’t giving you that much of a headache in your class. He can be quite a difficult boy,” Ten smiles fondly and Johnny almost believed his acting skills.</p><p>“Nice to meet you both. And no need to worry about your son, he knows when to listen to his teachers and behave,” Doyoung smiles in return and the three of them talk about things Johnny isn’t sure about.</p><p>He hasn’t realized he’s been staring off into space until he hears his name being called by Kun. The man waves at him, the other hand holding Ten’s in what looks like an attempt to drag him out of the classroom.</p><p>“We need to go. We still have somewhere to go with Yangyang. It’s was nice to meet you two, Mr. Suh and Mr. Kim,” Kun bows.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m <em>sure</em> we’ll see each other again,” Ten smiles though it looks intimidating to Johnny and the three of them exit the classroom.</p><p>“Oh my god, he did not just assume you were my boyfriend,” Doyoung whines, fingers massaging his temples.</p><p>“Excuse me, what?”</p><p>“Yangyang’s other dad, Ten I think, thought you were my boyfriend since we <em>look</em> good together and that it also looks like we were destined to- <em>ah</em>, I can’t even say it. It sounds weird,” Doyoung shakes his head to dismiss whatever Ten told him.</p><p>“Yeah, don’t say it. It’s weird.”</p><p>Johnny internally screams. He knows what Ten is doing, he just hopes he isn’t that obvious enough for Doyoung to catch on.</p><p>He only stares at Doyoung as the latter talks about the parents he found rude and interesting (including Ten and Kun) in the meeting earlier. It’s been awhile since the last time he properly stared at him like this, which was years ago while they were in the diner they frequented in.</p><p>“You’re staring again, Suh.”</p><p>“Sorry, you just…remind me of someone I know before. He looks <em>just</em> like you,” Johnny’s chest swells at the previous memories of all the past Doyoung he had the pleasure of meeting. All of them were different yet the same, the hotness and the coldness the younger emitted still present up to this day.</p><p>Doyoung relaxes as he look up at Johnny, head tilting in pure curiosity. “I hope he’s as good looking as me.”</p><p>“He is. He’s the most beautiful person my eyes has ever laid on,” he answers as he stare at Doyoung, fully meaning to finally say those word to the present Doyoung.</p><p>Even after all these years, Doyoung still holds that title for Johnny. He’s seen so many faces of everyone else who technically looks so much better than the rest (he thinks Taeyong isn’t even real) but no one could really compare to the beauty Doyoung holds.</p><p>He was, is and will still be the most beautiful in his eyes.</p><p>“You are a strange man, Johnny. I don’t know what you’re doing but it’s slowly working.”</p><p>Doyoung looks up at him one more time before he clicks his tongue and leaves the classroom, a piece of Johnny slowly, but surely, creeping up inside him.</p><p>“What a strange man,” he hears Doyoung whisper one more time before he disappears out of his sight.</p><p> </p><p>Doyoung is not around the following week. It was reported that the teacher took a day off after catching a flu the previous night. Johnny couldn’t focus the whole day as his mind only swims at the thought of a sick Doyoung taking care of himself in his apartment. He still hasn’t made that much of a difference in their sour relationship, which makes the idea of visiting the younger a bit of a reach, but he has to do something if he wants to change something.</p><p>“Follow what your heart desires, <em>sunbaenim</em>. Go crazy, go stupid, but not stupid enough for you to regret it in the end,” the young teacher, Donghyuck, had advised earlier while they were in the lunch room, a breadstick shoved in his mouth, which urged him to drive himself to Doyoung’s apartment with a bag full of snacks and porridge he prepared earlier.</p><p>It was a shock to him when Doyoung opened the door and let him in without hesitation. He waddles around his apartment with his thick blanket wrapped around himself, pointing at the kitchen after seeing the bag Johnny is bringing.</p><p>“You really didn’t have to buy me food, Johnny.”</p><p>“An expired gallon of milk, canned beer, mayonnaise, and frozen ramen,” Johnny clicks his tongue as he sets the food on the coffee table in the living room. Doyoung lifts his feet off the table and lies down the couch. “Just what are you planning to make out of those?”</p><p>“I was planning to order pizza.”</p><p>“No, you’re not. How can you even think of ordering pizza when you can’t even stand the sight of porridge,” He sits beside him on the couch as Doyoung eyes the bowl of food in his hands.</p><p>“That looks like a toddler’s vomit.”</p><p>“Well, this vomit-looking food is the only thing I’m feeding you until you get well.”</p><p>“You are making it more unappetizing,” Doyoung complains but still opens his mouth to eat the porridge after Johnny places the spoon in front of him. “But it’s not that bad. Actually, it tastes good.”</p><p>“Of course it tastes good. I made it myself.”</p><p>“No, you did not. You probably asked Winwin for help.”</p><p>Johnny chuckles at the memory of Winwin running around the apartment looking for the fire extinguisher when he accidentally burned the pancake he was making.</p><p>“He can’t cook for shit. I made it just for you.”</p><p>Doyoung rolls his eyes and the two stay quiet for the whole time as they watch the news on the TV.</p><p>“I don’t know why you’re doing this, Johnny. I’ve been horrible to you for months. I don’t deserve your kindness,” he reaches for the glass of water and watches the older stacking up the plates and bowls they used for dinner.</p><p>“I’m doing this because you’re sick. I don’t know what reason you’re looking for, Doyoung,” Johnny heads to the kitchen and dumps the plates in the sink.</p><p>“Don’t you hate me?”</p><p>“No, I don’t. Do you?”</p><p>Doyoung takes off the blanket around him and sits straight to look at Johnny with an unreadable look on his face. He’s just staring at him like he’s struggling to find the words to say.</p><p>“I’ve always thought you hated me. You were always trying to annoy me in every single way you can think of. You keep on sabotaging my plans, from the promotion to literally everything. You always make sure you’re ahead of me, always the one to start shit up. If I ignore you, you just…keep annoying me until I get real mad. I can’t help but dislike you for being such an ass. But the last few weeks were different. And I don’t know if I like it or not,” Doyoung rambles off with his hands waving to explain his point. Johnny patiently waits for him to finish.</p><p>“I really don’t know if I like it, Johnny.”</p><p>“Why are you confused, Doyoung?” He challenges as he stands in front of thee younger.</p><p>“I’m thankful that you’ve been nothing but a saint to me but at the same time, you make me overthink things. You confuse me. And I hate feeling like this because my mind makes me think that you-“ Doyoung stares at him before shaking his head.</p><p>“Say it.”</p><p>“That you like me or something. I thought maybe that’s why you’ve been so nice to me. Maybe that’s why I get these weird thoughts every time you are around. And that maybe you like me, which is definitely not true since I’ve been nothing but a dick to you-“</p><p>“And what if I tell you that I do like you?”</p><p>Johnny sees this as an opportunity to say what the previous, dumb as fuck, Suh Youngho of this lifetime wants to convey. Previous him in this lifetime was dumb, and he tries not to kick himself in the face at the sudden memories of himself using the childish way in trying to catch Doyoung’s attention.</p><p>
  <em>He was being a dick because he likes Doyoung. </em>
</p><p><em>I knew this was still my fault,</em> he says to himself with full acceptance.</p><p>“No, you don’t.”</p><p>“I like you, Kim Doyoung. <em>Always</em>.”</p><p>They both stare at each other before Doyoung visibly shakes his head and tears his eyes off Johnny. His face feels hot all of a sudden and he concludes that it might be because of his fever.</p><p>Something tugs his heart strings, a feeling deep inside him that begs him to say the things the Johnny of this lifetime wants to say to Doyoung. The feeling was there, like it never ever left. And no matter how many times Johnny takes over the life of his other versions in different lifetimes, he would always find his way to Doyoung.</p><p>“I, too, have been a dick to you, and that’s because I didn’t know how to properly express my feelings for you. I was childish, a coward even, but I’m here to make things right. I want us to start anew, and to let you see who I really am as a person. Let me show you the Johnny Suh who likes you this much.”</p><p>“You can’t like me, Johnny. I’m just…me.”</p><p>“That’s exactly why I like you. Because you’re <em>you</em>. I don’t need anything else.”</p><p>The denial in Doyoung’s eyes is still there as he struggles to look at Johnny. He understands where he’s coming from but it’s now or never.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m too sick for this. I literally can’t think of anything else that will stop me from doing something stupid,” he attempts to stand up to head to his bedroom but he almost fell back on the couch.</p><p>Johnny is quick to assist him to his bed, hands carefully holding Doyoung’s back. “It’s fine. I do not expect you to reciprocate my feelings after all the things I did. Just don’t overthink and focus on your recovery.”</p><p>He can feel the youngers eyes on him, and a small smile creeps into his face.</p><p> “Thank you, Johnny. For everything.”</p><p> </p><p>The next few days were spent taking care of Doyoung who looked better as days passed but still not well enough to get back to work. Johnny had covered half of his classes and asked Mark to take care of the rest, and heads back to Doyoung’s apartment after classes end like a routine.</p><p>Doyoung doesn’t mind the fact that Johnny just barges in without knocking or texting him ahead that he’s visiting. It was something that was suddenly made normal that Doyoung just lets him walk around the whole room like the taller owns it.</p><p>The sudden confession somewhat became a great help as the tension between them disappears for good. They actually spent their time trying to know each other in a different light.</p><p>It’s still a surprise for Johnny how quickly Doyoung opened up to him. It seems like Doyoung took Johnny’s words seriously and the latter couldn’t bring the question thing around him.</p><p>“Jungwoo told me my kids liked you so much. I didn’t believe him at first until he sent me a photo,” Doyoung says from his spot on the bed, back resting on the headboard as he watches Johnny rummaging through his closet.</p><p>“What can I say? I’m just lovable like that. <em>Aha</em>!” He exclaims after finding the white shirt Doyoung asked him to find so he can change his clothes. “Your kids are loud but they know how to listen to me well. I enjoyed looking after your class, to be honest.”</p><p>“Good for you then. I remember Winwin taking care of my class and saw his bag covered with ink. I didn’t even ask how it happened because he looks like he was about to scream at me.”</p><p>“Seems like your kids have their favorites.”</p><p>Doyoung lets Johnny unbutton his shirt and helps him put on the other. Johnny didn’t mind the stare Doyoung is giving him even when they’re just inches away from each other. He tries hard not to look up at him to refrain himself from doing something he might regret later.</p><p>“Johnny.”</p><p>“<em>Hmm</em>.”</p><p>“I’ve..I’ve thought about what you told me days ago,” Doyoung trails off as Johnny finally unbuttons everything and pushes the shirt off his shoulders. “And I’m willing to give <em>this</em> a try.” He feels Doyoung’s hand holding his, stopping him from helping the former put on the shirt. He finally looks up and notices Doyoung biting his lips in hesitation.</p><p>Johnny smiles and says, “You don’t have to force yourself on me, Doie. You can take all the time to figure things out on your own.”</p><p>“No, you’re not forcing me in any way. I’ve thought about my feelings for you these past few weeks. Maybe I was just confused about things before but I now want to give us a try.”</p><p>Johnny smiles at him and holds both of his hands. “And I want you to know that I’m willing to wait for you no matter what. I’m not going anywhere without you.”</p><p>“Thank you. I don’t know what I did in my previous life to deserve someone as patient as you. I’ve been nothing but a dick to you.”</p><p>“I thought we’ve already established the fact that we were both dicks to each other,” Johnny chuckles, eyes never leaving Doyoung’s. “But thank you for giving us a chance. For looking past the bullshit I had pulled off when we first met.”</p><p>“I’ve already forgiven you ages ago, Johnny.”</p><p>They stare at each other with Johnny trying so hard not to smile so much at the new opportunity Doyoung has given him. This is a huge step for him in this lifetime, he’s finally a step closer to his main purpose of staying with Doyoung in this timeline.  </p><p>He freezes on the spot when Doyoung captures his lips with a tight squeeze on his arms. It was soft, almost innocent like two teenagers testing out the waters for the first time. Johnny didn’t move, clueless on what to do next.</p><p>When Doyoung tilts his head so he can deepen the kiss, hand fisting Johnny’s dress shirt and pulling him closer, it was a cue for Johnny to respond. He kisses back with the same intensity, if not more, with his large hands caging in Doyoung’s face.</p><p>He licks the younger’s bottom lip to ask for permission and grazes his tongue against the other when Doyoung allowed him. That earned a breathy whine from the smaller, making it harder for Johnny to stop.</p><p>Doyoung’s arms wrap around his neck to bring him even closer, so close he could feel the younger’s chest beating hard against his own, and the soft tug on his hair snaps him out of his green thoughts.</p><p>Johnny is the first one to break the kiss, forehead resting on the other to catch his breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to get carried away like that.”</p><p>Doyoung shakes his head as his eyes never leave Johnny’s soft, plump and swollen lips. “It’s okay. I wanted it.” He captures Johnny’s lips yet again before he completely moved away so he could lie on his bed.</p><p>“Do you want me to leave now so you can rest?”</p><p>“No, please stay the night.”</p><p>The former prince doesn’t have to be told twice.</p><p>“And Johnny, I explained everything to that guy from London. We already stopped talking. I want you to be the only person I’m going to focus on this time.”</p><p>Johnny could cry right now but the moment was too beautiful to ruin, so he lets himself to take a deep breath with Doyoung embracing his arms as he tries to get some sleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Doyoung taps his pen as he waits for Jungwoo to email him the report he asked earlier, eyes unconsciously focusing on the other teacher doing his own work in the other side of the faculty room.</p><p>The kiss they shared a week ago was something Doyoung can’t seem to forget no matter how hard he tries to distract himself.</p><p>It feels…<em>good</em>.</p><p>He can’t quite explain why kissing Johnny feels so damn good that he questions himself why he hasn’t tried it before. He feels complete and contented, the remaining senses in him almost flying out if the window right when Johnny touches him.</p><p>It was good and very addicting.</p><p>“You are staring <em>again</em>. I know that look, Doyoung. You look like you’re about to eat poor Johnny right there,” Jungwoo comments from beside him as he types something in his laptop.</p><p>“What if I do want to <em>eat</em> him? Is that a crime?”</p><p>His friend pauses. “Doyoung, where the hell did that come from?” Jungwoo exclaims which earns the attention of the other teachers. “Since when did you start thinking about…about <em>eating</em> Johnny!?”</p><p>Doyoung rolls his eyes so hard he could almost feel it ache. “Could you be any more louder than that? I think the principal in the other room didn’t hear you.”</p><p>“Excuse me, are we talking about that type of eating someone, or the<em> other </em>one<em>.</em> I need clarifications,” Taeyong frowns from beside Johnny.</p><p>“I do think it’s <em>that</em> type of eating someone, Taeyong <em>sunbaenim</em>. Doyoung <em>sunbae</em> isn’t into literally eating a person.”</p><p>“Oh fuck off, Donghyuck. You’re traumatizing me!”</p><p>“Do not blame me when it’s Jungwoo <em>sunbae</em> who brought it up, Mark!”</p><p>“Shut it, will you? It’s not my fault Doyoung would really answer that. I was just making fun of him!”</p><p>Winwin watches them with fascination in his eyes, but Doyoung could feel the smirk forming on the younger’s face. “Awe, don’t tell me these two <em>finally</em> stopped being idiots and confessed to each other?”</p><p>“Hey, what do you mean by that, Dong?” Doyoung frowns.</p><p>He then watches Johnny lifting his head from his paper works and nonchalantly says: “Oh, it was me who confessed.”</p><p>He looks at everyone who is giving both of them a surprised look. Doyoung could feel his face heating up at Johnny’s words and the attention he’s getting from his co-teachers.</p><p>“It’s about time for me to let Doyoung know that I’m a changed man and that I’ve actually liked him since ages ago. I was dumb, I know, but it’s never too late to change.”</p><p>It was all sudden for Doyoung to reconsider the confusing emotions he’s been feeling since the first day he met Johnny. He likes to think that the connection was there for some reason, but he eventually lost interest when his emotions got the best of him at work.</p><p>Doyoung was too blinded by the one-sided competition he had with Johnny that he overlooked whatever there is between them.</p><p>But everything is coming back all at once. The feelings he didn’t think even existed before came back with such intensity that he almost blames it for whatever physical pain he feels when he sees Johnny crying or looking even remotely sad.</p><p>He doesn’t understand what it tries to convey, but he likes to think that there’s a reason behind this.</p><p>Johnny gives him comfort and warmth he’s been longing for since forever. His gentle touches, his quick kisses on his lips, the way Johnny always make him feel like he was the most precious person Johnny has ever met, made him feel so many indescribable feelings.</p><p>It was <em>there</em>. And he knows it.</p><p>“He’s right. He confessed to me and I’m still in the middle of figuring my feelings out,” he confesses.</p><p>Jungwoo nods in understanding. “I remember being in the same situation as you. Lucas and I started on the wrong foot. We eventually started going out but took a break for awhile, to really figure out what I feel for him. And I shit you not, I broke down after not seeing him for a day. It made me realize I’m madly in love with him.”</p><p>“That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard,” Taeyong says.</p><p>Winwin shakes his head and gives Taeyong a knowing look. “Not when I did the same with Yuta and it worked out. Imagine me bawling my eyes out after not seeing Yuta for ten hours and then saw him talking to someone after work. A day was enough for me to figure things out.”</p><p>“Still the stupidest idea ever.”</p><p>“You’re such a bitch, Yong. It’s not stupid if it works,” Jungwoo comments and turns to face Doyoung, “But it’s good that you’re aware of it, Doie. And I’m happy that you’re finally giving the both of you a chance.”</p><p>Mark interjects from beside Donghyuck. “I honestly didn’t see this coming but I’m glad you two opened up. Recognition of one’s feelings is the first step.”</p><p>“Says the one who can’t fucking do the same,” he hears Donghyuck comment across him with lifted eyebrows. Everyone glances at Mark who just looks at Donghyuck with genuine wonder. The youngest sighs, eyes refusing to look at the older. “No, I refuse to elaborate. Go finish your report, Mark Lee.”</p><p>The rest of them sighs.</p><p>Doyoung smiles at his friends and then to Johnny who’s looking at him with that look in his eyes that makes him his stomach feel funny.</p><p>The warm feeling never leaves even after Johnny drove him back to his apartment. It feels like he’s in high school all over again, with the man in front of him making him swoon at everything he does.</p><p>He really doesn’t understand the pull Johnny seems to have in him. Suddenly, it makes him uncomfortable every time he isn’t around Johnny. He thought he’s getting obsessed as he’s constantly in need of contact with Johnny, but the nagging voice at the back of his mind is saying something that doesn’t make any sense at all.</p><p>It scares him but what really <em>scares</em> him more are the feelings he has for Johnny getting deeper and deeper it might be difficult for him to recover.</p><p>He looks up at Johnny when they stop in front of his door.</p><p>“Johnny, I know this is such a very stupid thing to consider but I want to try what Winwin and Jungwoo said earlier,” he mumbles and watches Johnny staring at him with an unreadable look on his face, the latter’s hands holding his with a hesitant smile.</p><p>“Are you sure? You can’t force something when it’s not its time to come yet. But if you want, we can take a break for a while,” he can hear the uncertainty in Johnny’s tone.</p><p>Doyoung knows it’s stupid but something pushes him to do it.</p><p>“Thank you so much, Johnny,” he grabs his face and gives his lips a small kiss.</p><p>“You know I’ll do whatever you want, Doyoung.”</p><p>They kiss once, twice, thrice before he finally gets inside his apartment.</p><p>It’s stupid, but he hopes it would definitely help him sort things out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Doyoung’s Saturday morning started without a hint of Johnny. It’s like how it was before Johnny confessed to him. No text messages, no phone calls, no voicemail to help him wake up, no anything.</p><p>Just like what he asked for.</p><p>He shakes his head as he heads to the kitchen to grab a can of grapefruit juice.</p><p>Doyoung has been having nightmares of people wearing their traditional clothes these past few days, but the one he had last night was worse than what he usually dreams of. It feels terrifying and realistic since he can still feel the suffocating pain even after waking up.  </p><p>He had a dream of himself getting dragged into what looks like a palace by people he doesn’t recognize, both his hands tied behind him by a thick rope. He remembers screaming for mercy but no one can hear him, not even after launching himself on the ground to kneel down and beg for them to release him from captivity.</p><p>He remembers the hits he got with the hilt of a sword, the kicks on the back of his head, and the punches on his diaphragm that had him wheezing and screaming in pain.</p><p>It was pure torture but the last thing he remembers was a sword buried deep in his stomach.</p><p>Another dream he had the other night had two people who resembles Yangyang’s parents begging him to accept <em>something</em>, to be careful with this words and actions, since Johnny will be the one who’s going to suffer in the end. He tried to question what they meant but the two disappeared into thin air with an image of Johnny wearing their traditional <em>hanbok</em> appearing in front of him.</p><p>He vividly remembers Johnny saying he misses him so much, and that he wants him to go back to where he truly belongs. It scares him because the two parents always say to be careful with something and then everything would switch back to an image of Johnny crying and begging him to come back.</p><p>He unlocks his phone, suddenly missing Johnny’s good morning texts and snaps about what he made for breakfast.</p><p>The tug is getting stronger the longer he thinks of Johnny. He’s supposed to be on a break from him but he can’t help but think about him and wonder how he is today.</p><p>The day barely even started and he’s already losing his mind.</p><p><em>This is not good</em>, he says to himself.</p><p>He receives a message from Donghyuck attached with a photo of Johnny trying on a <em>familiar</em> looking traditional dress of a crowned prince with a paid actress dressed in a pink hanbok in what looks like an amusement park. Johnny had a big smile on his face, eyes almost disappearing as he strikes a pose with the girl.</p><p>
  <em>Johnny hyung looks good in this costume &lt;3 wish u were here doie hyung :/ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>AH! im sorry I didn’t know u 2 are on a break :// pretend I didnt send it</em>
</p><p>But it’s too late to pretend when he can feel the indescribable feelings blossoming again.</p><p>He turns off his phone and goes to the living room to watch whatever movie is on to try to clear his mind and figure out where these unknown feelings are coming from.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The dreams (nightmares) didn’t leave him the next day. It was of the same people again, Johnny and Yangyang’s parents, which is a bit confusing for him since he and Yangyang’s parents aren’t close in any way.</p><p>But this time was more of Mr. Kun who’s telling him to accept <em>it</em> already. Doyoung asks him in his dream what that something is but all he got is the repeated lines of: <em>“Go before it’s too late again. We are running out of time.”</em> </p><p>The dream ended with Mr. Kun looking frantic, trying so hard to look and sound calm despite the fact that he’s struggling to catch his breath.</p><p>Doyoung barely got any sleep last night and the uneasy feeling is coming back again.</p><p>
  <em>He’s definitely going crazy. </em>
</p><p>The day started with no sign of Johnny yet again. Doyoung is itching to ask him why he isn’t getting any text from him but then again, isn’t this what he wants?</p><p>
  <em>hyung…not to alarm u or anything since it isnt really that serious like johnny hyung told me not to tell u bc he doesnt want u to worry haha but I feel bad not telling u…</em>
</p><p>He frowns at the text he got from Mark that afternoon.</p><p>
  <em>Mark what is it</em>
</p><p>Not later than a minute, a reply came.</p><p>
  <em>Johnny hyung and i are in the hospital. he fell off his bike earlier after a car hit him…he’s getting treated now by the doctor don’t worry hyung…it isnt that serious…</em>
</p><p>It’s hard not to overreact when the worst scenarios play in his head. It’s like the uneasiness doubled this time, and he can feel his body turning cold at the image of Johnny probably unconscious on the hospital bed.</p><p><em>Fucking hell</em>, he curses out as he stands up to run to his bedroom to get his keys and wallet without changing his pajamas.</p><p>Mr. Kun’s words in his dream play repeatedly like a broken record, making him anxious more than he actually is. He stops himself from suddenly tearing up for some reason.</p><p>
  <em>“You are running out of time.”</em>
</p><p>Doyoung runs to the parking lot and dials Mark’s number.</p><p>
  <em>“Hello, hyung-“</em>
</p><p>“What hospital are you in? Is Johnny okay? Is he there? Can I talk to him?” he asks frantically as he slams his car door close and exits the parking lot.</p><p>
  <em>“Woah, hyung, calm down. He’s fine. No need to panic. Donghyuck and I are with him-“</em>
</p><p>“What happened? How did he get hit by a car?”</p><p><em>“We were hanging out in Han River with our bikes when a drunk driver drove to our lane and hit Johnny hyung. It isn’t that serious, Doyoung hyung. He got scratches here and there but nothing serious,” </em>Mark explains from the other line but no matter how calm he sounds, Doyoung can’t help but feel his chest bursting in fear.</p><p>“Oh my <em>God</em>, please put him on the phone,” he rounds the corner and tries to focus on the road.</p><p>
  <em>“Doyoungie?”</em>
</p><p>“Oh my God, Johnny! Are you alright? Is the doctor still with you?”</p><p><em>“Hello you, too. I’m perfectly fine, Doyoung. No need to worry about me. I’m alright. Like what Mark said, it’s nothing serious. The doctor’s done treating me and I’m just waiting for them to release me so I can go home if that’s what you want to know,”</em> Doyoung could hear the smile on Johnny’s voice to reassure him even through the other line.</p><p>A tear escaped from his eyes. “What hospital are you in? I’m picking you up.”</p><p>Johnny stays silent and Doyoung frowns, turning his attention to his phone when he stops for the red light. “Johnny? Are you still there? Tell me where you are and I’m going to pick you up.”</p><p>
  <em>“Why?”</em>
</p><p> “What do you mean why?”</p><p>
  <em>“Doyoung, it’s fine. You don’t have to come here. I’ll go to your apartment instead. Really, it’s fine.”</em>
</p><p>“Too late, Johnny. I’m already outside and driving. I just need you to tell me where I should meet you-“</p><p><em>“No</em>!” he flinches at Johnny’s sudden outburst. “I mean, it’s fine. You don’t have to do that-“</p><p>Doyoung tightens his grip on the steering wheel. “Johnny, tell me. Right now.”</p><p>He waits for Johnny to speak, but what he doesn’t understand is Johnny’s hesitation in telling him his location. He just wants to personally make sure Johnny is fine, and probably stop his stupid idea of taking a break from him and tell him what he really feels for him.</p><p>It took him an accident for him to realize his feelings for Johnny.</p><p>He had to laugh at his own stupidity.</p><p>“If you’re thinking about the break I asked, I want you to know that I don’t give a damn about it anymore. I want to see you right now.”</p><p>“Doyoung, please just stay where you are. I’m coming to you instead.”</p><p> “Johnny, please let me meet you. I’m going to tell you something important. And I need to say this as soon as possible.” The burning desire to see Johnny right in that instant overwhelms him. The tears refused to stop so he just lets himself cry.</p><p>
  <em>“Doyoung, are you crying? Is everything okay there?”</em>
</p><p>“No, I’m not. I need to see you right now. Please tell me where you are,” he sniffs, his vision blurring from all the tears.</p><p>
  <em>God, Johnny, what are you doing to me. </em>
</p><p>It spreads to his chest then to his whole body like he was on fire. He doesn’t understand but the tears won’t stop from falling as his mind go over the fact that he likes Johnny more than he thought. He likes him so damn much he’s crying like a kid who got his toy taken from him.</p><p>
  <em>What is happening to me?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m…I’m at Seoul National Hospital. I’m about to leave with Donghyuck and Mark now so please pull over. I’m meeting you there instead.”</em>
</p><p>“Wait for me. I’ll come meet you there.”</p><p>Doyoung speeds up before turning to the other lane to head to the mentioned hospital.</p><p>But before he crossing the intersection, he feels his himself  tumbling and rolling, his body feeling like he was tossed around with sharp punch-like sensation all around his head as the tumbling continues. He looks around and sees nothing but blurry concrete and his phone flying around.</p><p>The rolling abruptly stops with a painful screech of metal being dragged on the cemented floor. He feels like the world around him turned upside down. He tries to focus his vision on the feet he sees through his car’s shattered windows. People are murmuring, talking, even screaming outside which makes the piercing ache on his head worsen. He feels warm liquid on his face and he groans at the pain on his face.</p><p>Doyoung slips in and out of consciousness but he only has Johnny in his mind.</p><p>He wants to move but the metals around him restricts him from doing so. He tries to talk and ask for help but it was hard for him when he’s sitting upside down, the seatbelt almost choking him from this position.</p><p>
  <em>“…8</em>
  <em>
    <sup>th</sup>
  </em>
  <em> street Cheongwon-gun….man in his twenties….”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“…ambulance on their way….be careful…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“… looks severely injured….head trauma…car totally destroyed….”</em>
</p><p>But none of those matters to him when he hears a certain someone calling, screaming for his name. He struggles to look out but he tries to reach his hand out through the shattered window, to let the person know he hears him.</p><p>
  <em>“Doyoung! Kim Doyoung! Please!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Mister! You are not allowed to go near-!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Fuck off! He needs me! We need to save him as soon as possible!”</em>
</p><p>Doyoung cries from desperation. No matter how hard he tries to talk, his voice just wouldn’t come out.</p><p>He can feel the pain in every part of his body. Even breathing takes a lot of effort but that didn’t stop him from reaching his hand out as he tries hard to scream for help.</p><p>Johnny is there outside, screaming so hard for his name, unaware that Doyoung can hear him, but that’s when Doyoung just stared outside, snippets after snippets of familiar yet unfamiliar memories playing in his mind.</p><p>
  <em>“You look like someone with a big dream.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He opens one eye to take a peek at the young prince, the latter’s eyes looking at him with wonder and interest. “What does someone with a big dream even look like?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Someone like you. Radiating, full of hope, has a golden heart, beautiful.”</em>
</p><p>Doyoung gasped at the memory, fully recognizing everything that has happened there. He cries even more, as more snippets of random memories come.</p><p>
  <em>“You’re not supposed to look at me like that!” he glares up at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Like what?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Like you’re hopelessly in love with me.” He breathes out and it pains him to see Youngho looking at him, a lost and confused expression on his face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Because I am! I am hopelessly and madly in love with you, Kim Dongyoung.”</em>
</p><p>“Johnny….Youngho,” he reaches out again, but he can’t touch Johnny like this.</p><p>
  <em>“I, too, want to show you off to everyone, kiss you and hug you in public and call you mine if front of your friends but I don’t want to drag you in whatever reputation I have in uni. I wanted us to peacefully enjoy each other’s company.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He smiles at Johnny, and his chest burst with happiness when he sees the latter smiling back at him, eyes sparkling with understanding. “I can never get mad at you, love. I understand and I love you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I know, Johnny. I know.”</em>
</p><p>He remembers now. Every single thing that has happened to him for the past years. The overwhelming feeling of remembering all of his past lives with Johnny, <em>Youngho</em>, the one screaming his name outside is making him cry even harder.</p><p>
  <em>I am running out of time, is this it?</em>
</p><p>Darkness slowly hug him like a blanket. He tries not to fight back anymore but it’s hard when a part of him just wants to stay and tell Johnny what he’s supposed to say.</p><p>It’s too sudden for him. He still weren’t able to tell Johnny that he loves, all these long years.</p><p>He loves him, but Johnny won’t be able to hear him say it.</p><p>He reached out for the last time even though no one can see him doing so. The screaming and crying continues with the sound of the police siren and ambulance nearby.</p><p>Doyoung wishes for another lifetime for him to finally say the words back.</p><p>He wishes for another chance to be with Johnny again. He wishes to whatever entity’s looking over his pathetic self to give him a chance.</p><p>He wishes Johnny could hear him the words he’s been dying to say but this time with absolute certainty.</p><p>
  <em>“Seo Youngho, I love you.”</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please leave comments, kudos, and bookmarks!</p><p>Let me know your thoughts about this chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. EPILOGUE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is just the beginning.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We're finally on the final chapter! Finally. </p>
<p>Enjoy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>2:09 p.m., February 9, 2057, South Diamond Park</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Johnny feels a light tap on his leg as he soaks under the blazing afternoon sun. He ignores it for a while, thinking it might be the dog from the family having a picnic beside them.</p>
<p>The tapping didn’t stop so he decides to take his sunglasses off and gets up, elbows supporting his upper body’s weight, to see a young boy crouching down beside his legs, his eyes watering like he’s really about to cry any second.</p>
<p>“Hello, mister. Have you seen my papa?”</p>
<p>Johnny’s eyes widen. <em>“Oh no a lost child,</em>” he gets up and recomposes himself to appear friendly and calm for the kid. “Tell me your name, little buddy, so I can help you find your papa.”</p>
<p>“My name is Yangyang. I was following a pretty balloon and papa was gone!” he started tearing up but before he could really burst into full on sobs, Johnny stands up and pats the boy’s back.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, pal. You don’t have to cry. This mister will help you find your-“</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yangyang!”</em>
</p>
<p>He glances at the black haired man behind the boy with a bouquet of sunflowers in hands. He lets out a sigh of relief when the kid, Yangyang, screams a loud “<em>Papa</em>!” to the man.</p>
<p>“Oh my <em>God,</em> baby, what did I tell you about staying by my side?” He crouches down and hugs Yangyang in front of Johnny.</p>
<p>“Sorry, papa. The balloon was just so pretty.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, baby. But next time, don’t get too far from me and listen to what I say, okay?” the boy nods and the man looks at Johnny. “Thank you for looking out for my son. This kid seriously loves giving me headache.”</p>
<p>He chuckles. “It’s fine. I know how kids are. I’ve had numerous encounters with them.”</p>
<p>Yangyang stands up and grabs the bouquet of flowers from the man’s hands. “Come on, papa! Let’s go visit dada right now.”</p>
<p>Johnny coos at the sight of the small boy trying to pull his dad. “Awe, what a sweet little boy. Where is your dada if you don’t mind me asking, pal?”</p>
<p>“He’s in the…<em>vem</em>…<em>vent</em>….<em>vetemary</em>…”</p>
<p>“Cemetery. It’s called a cemetery, baby.”</p>
<p>“Yes! <em>Cememary</em>!” the boy smiles.</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sorry,” Johnny says. He watches the man stand up while he carries Yangyang in his arms.</p>
<p>“It’s fine. You had no idea. He left when we had Yangyang. He would be so proud at how smart Yangyang has become over the years,” the father smiles at him, his arms wrapping around the boy tighter.</p>
<p>The boy started moving in his arms. “Come on, papa! Let’s not make dada <em>Kunkun</em> wait!”</p>
<p>The man rolls his eyes and ruffles Yangyang’s hair in pure adoration. “Okay, okay. What an impatient man. You’re just like your father! Anyways, it was nice to meet you again. I’ll see you around, Johnny.”</p>
<p>He freezes on his spot and watches the two of them walk away with Yangyang waving his tiny hands at him. Johnny tilts his head as he tries to decipher what the man just said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Daddy!” he huffs as he gets attacked by someone from behind, both of them falling to the ground. He groans in mock pain as he grabs the small figure to his chest and attacks him with a tight hug.</p>
<p>“Ouch! Since when did my little boy become so strong?” Johnny asks as he tries to tickle the already laughing little boy.</p>
<p>“I drank all the milk you prepared for me every night, daddy!” the boy squeals as Johnny places him on his lap and hugs him tighter from behind.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Jeno!” </em>
</p>
<p>His son, Jeno, visibly flinches when they hear another voice calling the boy’s name a few meters away from their spot near the oak tree.</p>
<p>“Jeno! How many time do I have to tell you to never run away from me again? Your papa can’t keep up anymore.”</p>
<p>“That’s because Papa Doie is old!”</p>
<p>Johnny laughs hard when he sees the offended look on his husband’s face. Doyoung stops in front of them to catch his own breath, hand resting on his knees as he shakes his head at his son’s words.</p>
<p>“Thirty nine is <em>not</em> old, Jeno. I’m as young as your Uncle Mark!”</p>
<p>Johnny pulls Doyoung down to sit next to him and he coos, “<em>Aigoo</em>, my other baby is tired.”</p>
<p>“Daddy, Papa is not a baby! He is old! Old like Lady Jung outside our school!”</p>
<p>Jeno laughs as he teases his papa who looks like he’s really about to have a full on argument with their son. Before he could join his son in teasing Doyoung, Jeno jumps up from his lap and runs to catch the bubbles nearby.</p>
<p>“<em>Look! Bubbles!</em>”</p>
<p>Laughters could be heard as Jeno plays with the other kids in the park.</p>
<p>“Be careful, Jen! Try not to get hurt-“ Jeno trips on a stone and falls on his knees.</p>
<p>“Ah, Jeno, seriously. He’s going to grow up into a clumsy giant in the future,” Doyoung clicks his tongue as he taps Johnny’s lap and rests his head on it. He looks down at Doyoung who squints at the blinding sunlight. “Jeno kept running around and God, I’m so tired. I can’t feel my legs anymore. Being a runner in high school means nothing in this age.”</p>
<p>“You sound like an old person now, Doie.”</p>
<p>“Shut up, John.”</p>
<p>“Do you want to cuddle then?” he runs his fingers through the younger’s hair while the other playfully rubs the latter’s tummy.</p>
<p>“Johnny, we are in public.”</p>
<p>“So? It’s not like we’re gonna fu-“</p>
<p>Doyoung stands up abruptly to cover his mouth. “Shut it. I don’t want to hear it, Johnny.” He sits up straight and leans on Johnny instead, head resting on the older’s shoulder with their hands interlaced after they move under the shade of the oak tree behind them.</p>
<p>Johnny’s mind runs back to the father and son he met no longer than 10 minutes ago. He wonders how the man knows his name when he didn’t even introduced himself.</p>
<p>“I met a man earlier with his son. Strangely, he knows my name when we didn’t even introduced ourselves to each other. Weird, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>Doyoung shrugs. “Not really. That man could be your high school classmate, or previous colleague, or a college acquaintance you met during one of your frat parties?”</p>
<p>Johnny contemplates before hesitantly nodding. “Probably. But I should’ve remembered him if he was any of the three. Well, anyways,” he leans on the trunk and pulls his husband with him. He notices the way Doyoung looks at their son running around with his new friends.</p>
<p>“What are you thinking about?”</p>
<p>“Nothing,” Doyoung tightens his hold on Johnny’s hands. “I mean, having you and Jeno right in this moment feels so right. It’s like I was put in this world to be with you two.”</p>
<p>“Strangely enough, I feel the same.”</p>
<p>“I was already contented having you as my husband but when we had Jeno, it got even more perfect. I couldn’t ask for more, and I’m thankful to have you two here. I’m so thankful to have you here as my husband.”</p>
<p>Johnny leans away so he could stare at his husband with such admiration in his eyes that didn’t seem to disappear ever since he met him for the first time.</p>
<p>“I’m thankful for you too, Doyoung. I seriously couldn’t ask for more.”</p>
<p>He grabs the younger’s face and kisses his lips.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I love you.”</em>
</p>
<p>Doyoung smiles through the kiss, his hand holding the one caressing the side of his face.</p>
<p>“I love you <em>more</em>. Please remember that.”</p>
<p>The kiss was sweet and soft as if they were in high school all over again. This is what Johnny imagines how his life would become in the future: married to his high school sweetheart with their adopted son living with a comfortable life.</p>
<p>He feels complete; Doyoung holding the missing puzzle in him which he didn’t know was missing.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Ew, Daddy, Papa! Stop doing that!” </em>
</p>
<p>They both laugh and look at their son making disgusting faces before Jeno pulled his friends away from his parents.<br/><br/>"Also, happy birthday, my love," Doyoung kisses his cheeks.</p>
<p>It’s perfect. This is perfect.</p>
<p>Johnny knows he was born to be in this very moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was born to be in this lifetime with them, and probably in the next.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Congratulations for making it till the end! XD I hope you enjoyed reading is as much as I enjoyed writing it!</p>
<p>Please tell me what you think of the whole fic! Feedback for my first ever fic in a ficfest is much appreciated!</p>
<p>Thank you and have a good day/night!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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